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How do YOU cope in a family-oriented church?
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May 28, 2009 10:14 am
193 Views
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Ladylightwalker brought up some excellent comments about the struggle of being single in the church.
Churches focus on families to survive. People (and their dollars) usually return to the denomination they grew up in...even if only on Easter and Christmas. :LOL:
However, one of the offshoots that I've seen is an attitude of devaluing of singles. I've felt in some churches like a work-horse to support programs that support families.
When there was the shooting rampage in a Baptist church 10 years ago, one thing they were praising God for was that the people who died were single.
....I understand WHY they were saying that. Even though it's not funny that people died, I just think it's ironic that they thought that way. They meant no harm.
In another situation, a woman who is happily married mentioned how she felt irrelevant in another church when she went alone with two couples. The pastor spoke with both men and ignored her.
Oh well.
Some churches are just a heck of a lot better at looking out for singles. What does YOUR church do right? Why does it help you?
I'll start.
The Methodist church I attend is big enough to give space to singles and professionals. I really like how my pastor loves to visit elderly people. As well, I know of quite a few families who are juggling elderly parent needs with work and other stressors. I find a lot of support for what I'm facing.
(My parents are in their 80's and struggling with a lot of health issues. My father broke his neck in a fall..which has since healed without paralysis, but he's unable to care for himself or be left alone.)
I don't have children, but caring for elderly people can be just as full of responsibility...and fun.
So, I'm glad my new church is there in that way, prayerfully and emotionally.
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(Somebody's fruiting with these titles..oh well.)
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May 27, 2009 8:07 am
227 Views
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Dare I repost an essay from my account on the not-so-good site? It's amazing how our lives affect so many others in good and bad ways.
Atlas shrugged ….
And my student world came tumbling down.
Why do we always look for a guru? My former East Indian fiance once said "everyone looks for a guru". Everyone wants a hero. A leader to both blame and cherish.
Ted Haggard had a low key homosexual encounter and his church lost (at least) 20% of it's income. I personally believe he wanted out and didn't know how to unbox himself from the grasping Christian believers who no longer look to Christ, but man for their guidance. The only thing he might have known was to tear out the sides of the fragile containers we put leaders in, to ram full force into the stereotypes until the frail Evangelical walls fell.
How do I know about those walls? Because I too, tore through them. As vulnerable as rice paper, I felt my own reality finally ripped apart by a professor who talked of Christ, but flirted with female students.
I let him let me down. I used him as an excuse to tear off the grasping Evangelical hands, their clinging stereotypes like cobwebs. I was angry and tired and very lonely. After giving my "all" to Christ, I gave Christ nothing. I gave Him my child-bearing years. I gave Him my sometimes homosexual crushes. I gave Him my heterosexual ones. I gave Him the men I dated, 10% of my income, and my time. I gave Him my future. I gave Him my past. I gave Him my present. I burned them all on an altar of my own devising. In the end, I gave Him nothing but ashes.
When the winds of hardship came and blew my pseudo-sacrifice away, I was enraged at God and His children. How dare they shun me for having same sex attraction? They hold me to a line they themselves can't keep. Some women were so frightened of the threat of one of those..a woman with homosexual tendencies, that I made sure I looked at their shoes to ease their discomfort. One actually seemed so relieved that I, a single woman, was bisexual. That meant I was no longer a threat to her marriage.
By the time I reached Prof. D., I was spiritually spent. So, when he would say "praise God" on one day and flirt the next, something in me just let go. "Why bother," was my new mantra that I attributed to my new guru. He didn't seem to bother, so why should I? He doesn't seem to care about sexual faithfulness, so why should I?. I hung on him a hope he never was meant to carry. "Justify my hurt." And of course he did. "Justify my unforgiveness". And of course he did. Wow. Magical.
....
.....
However, my loss is my own fault. My sacrifice may have been more to fit in with men than God. I had become a snob, believing that clean hands meant I was better before Him.
I have begun to see a new Jesus..as one for the unforgiven. As One for the unaccepted and afraid. As One for the dirty hands and feet. One not ashamed of all of the above. Not because of what we have done, but because of who He is. He has faith in himself, not us.
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Wausau Prayer Case
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May 22, 2009 10:57 am
117 Views
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From the AP wire:
(AP) -- A jury has begun deliberating in the trial of a mother who prayed instead of seeking medical help for her dying daughter.
Marathon County District Attorney Jill Falstad said Friday in her closing argument that 41-year-old Leilani Neumann let her 11-year-old daughter Madeline die of untreated diabetes as a test of faith.
Neumann has been charged with second-degree reckless homicide in Madeline's March 2008 death at the family's rural Weston home.
Defense attorney Gene Linehan says the Neumanns are good Christians who tried to save their daughter and didn't know she was that ill.
(Sorry to keep going on about Christian broadcasting...it's just so relevant to me on this one.)
We ran into a lot of isolated Christians at the radio stations. Most had very particular beliefs not expressed in the church community.
One case was an Amish man who left to be Evangelical, but wanted to stay Amish in style. He had a small following, including one former mainstream Evangelical who wore the head scarf BEFORE she went to his church and then refused to wear it WHEN she became a member of his congregation. She was quite a (fun) spirited woman.
The others were more sad. Several were almost abusive home situations where the families believed they had the right to protect their children from outside influences, through home-schooling and home churches. One woman believed that even Sunday school shunted aside her parental rights and perogative to teach her children as she felt led. So, she and her husband had Sunday School for their children. When he died, her family was thrown into chaos. The family began to splinter and disintegrate. One time, she refused to hug her 15 year old son because he was misbehaving. He then turned and clung, just clung, to me.
I'm not sure where Leilani Neumann and her family fell in that spectrum as I've never met her. For me, I wonder if they ever listened to us, and how they received what we said.
I think of some of the deliberately inflammatory talk show hosts, trying to stir up controversy, which could positively influence their financial ends. I think of the amount of hype and market positioning we (and nearly all of Christian broadcasting) used...
Then, I think of the isolated and confused Christians listening to all that "dollar per hollar" media pap. I think of all the Christians stirred up and scared out of their wits by the news stories with a right-wing leaning...so much so they're terrified to trust the outside world.
..And I'm very sad.
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New Zealand Tyke buys Earth Mover
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May 22, 2009 10:27 am
85 Views
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Oh, this story cracked me up when I read it at CBS News.
(AP) "A New Zealand mom made some online bids on toys before napping. Then her 3-year-old daughter took over and bought a bigger plaything than expected _ a huge earth-moving digger for a cool $12,300.
Pipi Quinland made the winning 20,000 New Zealand dollar ($12,300) bid on the Kobelco digger with a few mouse clicks at the auction site TradeMe while her parents slept, the Rodney Times newspaper reported in northern New Zealand.
"The first I knew about it was when I came down and opened up the computer," said Pipi's mother, Sarah Quinlan.
"I saw an e-mail from TradeMe saying I had won an auction and another e-mail from the seller saying something like `I think you'll love this digger,'" she was quoted as saying in the paper.
Quinlan said she had made auction bids on several toy sets and assumed she had bought a toy digger.
"It wasn't until I went back and reread the e-mails that I saw $20,000 _ and got the shock of my life."
She immediately called the auction site and the seller to explain what happened.
TradeMe reimbursed the seller's costs for the auction and the digger was relisted."
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Malcolm Muggeridge
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May 21, 2009 10:02 am
106 Views
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He was a hard-living womanizing critic in his day. Sarcastic writer with an acerbic wit, he decimated many with delusions of grandeur.
He eventually converted to Christianity, leaving behind a life built around the idea that there better not BE a god.
I remember one story about how this hard-nosed man came to be softened by grace.
He had been in India, swimming in a river. He saw from afar a woman bathing. He decided he had to have her. He moved closer and closer, his sexual fantasy looming greater.
When he was a foot away, the woman turned to face him. He looked at her in horror. She was a leper, with parts of her face eaten away by the disease.
In a flash, he saw how his sexual fantasies had become like that woman; beautiful from afar, but decayed and wretched viewed up close.
He was shaken to the core, and we have all benefitted as a result.
He eventually wrote "Jesus Rediscovered" among other works still relevant for today's Christian.
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What is your best feature?
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May 18, 2009 11:21 am
164 Views
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We women have a habit of putting down our bodies. I remember when speaker Donna Cole talked about finding in the Song of Solomon confirmation that her Jewish nose was beautiful.
In fact, a great deal of the Song of Solomon is dedicated to finding someone attractive.
So...what do you see as your best physical feature? (I'm sure you'll be clean.  )
Mine are my eyebrows. I rarely pluck.
(Update: Am taking down the hot flash photo. Yes, I DOOOOO have some self respect!! :LOL: )
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14
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Cheeky Monkey
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May 14, 2009 3:13 pm
125 Views
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Yeah, as said in Steel Magnolias, "everything's getting entirely too serious"!!
I was so sick of having my picture taken during a fundraiser (what..12 years ago already).
Needless to say..I didn't have to sit still for another!!!!
Maybe I'll post some of my cousin's wild life work here in Wisconsin. She's an incredible photographer.
P.S. The men who've hotlisted me keeps shrinking!  
It was going up for a while and now keeps going down!! :LOL: Love you guys!!
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