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Amanda's Occasional Musings
  
Random thoughts, unrestrained meanderings, occasional rants, and joyful enthusiasm.

My Faithful Father, Enduring Friend
Your tender Mercy is like a river with no wind
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your Presence
I stand in wonder once again

(chorus)
Your Grace still amazes me
Your Love is still a mystery
Each day i fall on my knees
'Cause Your Grace still amazes me

Oh Patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You? Lord what can I say?
I know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

Your Grace still amazes me
Your Love is still a mystery
Each day i fall on my knees
'Cause Your Grace still amazes me

Its deeper, its wider, its stronger, its higher
Its deeper, its wider, its stronger, its higher
Than anything my eyes can see

Your Grace still amazes me
Your Love is still a mystery
Each day i fall on my knees
'Cause Your Grace still amazes me
Your Grace...still AMAZES me.

P.S. My name isn't really "Grace". But don't tell anyone, cause we're supposed to be traveling incognito here, and it's a big secret.

P.P.S. Just because heaven is a gated community, doesn't mean that God is a republican!
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We need to STOP spreading lies and half truths. Aug 29, 2008 12:19 pm
Mood: Irritated, 520 Views
Pet peeve time. Too often I have found here repetitions of email baloney being spread during this election season on both sides of the fence. Come on, folks....we are called to be a people of truth! It is WAY easy to check stuff out before we post it!

Type in the subject on any search engine before we pass it along. Or go to snopes with the dot and the com and search there. Better yet, do both!

Just for the record, I am NOT voting for Obama, I wouldn't if he were the last man on Earth, but truth is truth and lies are lies. He is NOT Islamic, he was NOT sworn in on the Koran (Keith Elliot had his swearing in photo taken with the Koran; however, no US congressman is actually sworn in on any religious book, not even the bible). Mr Obama was born in Hawaii, not Kenya in 1961. And I could go on for pages! But don't listen to me, check it out for yourself! Oh, and yes, McCain was born in Panama, but both his parents are US citizens; so he is also a natural-born citizen and qualified to be president. If you haven't gotten this one yet, get ready; it's flying around!

While I am on the subject, Bill Gates is not beta-testing any email tracking system or monitoring your emails; and will not send you a bazillion dollars for forwarding anything. Nor will you get any coupons or gift cards from Nordstrom, Cracker Barrel, Applebees's, or Neiman Marcus--or anyone else.
19 Comments, 1 Pending
Endearing or irritating? Aug 27, 2008 3:58 am
Mood: Sleepless at 4 a.m., 344 Views
A few odd little factoids

I jump up and down and yell at the TV during football games. Seriously.

I cannot, absolutely cannot, go to the beach without taking off my shoes and wading.

I’m from Georgia, I call everyone “hon”, “sweetie”, “love”, “dear heart”, etc.

I love Star Trek and Doctor Who.

I’m a spelling and grammar geek.

I don’t believe a woman should ever, ever, ever, EVER pursue a man. Did I mention EVER?!?!?!?!?

I’ll take interesting, funny, and smart over good looking any day.

I’m not going to change who I am to fit into someone else’s mold.

I sing….almost constantly.

My mind is a storehouse of useless information.

I always know the perfect thing to say….about a half hour too late!

I laugh a lot, and loudly!

I hate shoes.

I love to fish. Catching that first Chinook was the most fun I ever had without having to repent.

I think people who treat their animals better than their mates or children deserve none of the above.

It’s dangerous to ask me a question that you don’t want the answer to.

I alphabetize my cupboards/pantry. Seriously! You doubt?


I legally changed my name. (No, I'm not telling what the old one was.)

I’d rather be spit on than lied to.

I can be really, really deep, and I can be totally silly; sometimes both, within the space of 30 seconds. See????????
15 Comments
Do I always have to forgive? Really?? Aug 26, 2008 9:24 am
Mood: Thoughtful, 320 Views
I’ve thought and thought and thought for years about the concept of forgiveness. I’ve listened to Christians tell others and me that we are required to forgive all-always-and then proceed to tell us what that forgiveness should look like. (I won’t even go into the “forget” hogwash. Only God is capable of that, and we humans need healing before we can carry on as if nothing ever happened---if that is even possible.) It has always rankled.

What does the bible really say about forgiving? Should it be automatic? And even if it is, does that mean that you must always restore the “relationship” with those who have wounded you? Are we required to do more than God?

It is not my understanding that God hands out blanket forgiveness. If he did, we would all-every being on Earth-be headed directly to the streets of gold, do not pass go, do not collect $200. But my bible doesn’t say that. My bible always, and I do mean ALWAYS-required repentance. No one is handed God’s forgiveness and restoration without admitting their fault, requesting and receiving the covering of Christ’s Blood, and turning from that evil path. Does God require that His children to forgive and be reconciled to those still merrily sinning against them? Does He require us to go above and beyond the level of forgiveness He Himself dispenses?

For many years, I bore a burden placed on me by others. I struggled with forgiveness. I had been deeply wounded for many, many, many years by the same people; totally unrepentant people who even placed the blame for their behavior squarely on my tiny shoulders. It resulted in my being filled with hatred, not only for them, but for God Himself. This seemed only logical to me, since God had always hated ME anyway. (Don’t go off the deep end, folks….hang with me here.)

Long after I was chased down by God and shown his unending, deep, incredibly boundless love for me, that He had never, ever hated me, I still had these wounds to heal. He has lovingly and faithfully healed me, although I will always bear scars. But what of these people?

Because I believed that I was required to forgive ANYTHING and EVERYTHING without any sort of reservation, and then act as if no sin had ever been committed; I placed myself in the line of fire time and time again. And being totally unrepentant, the offenders repeatedly created more wounds. This vicious cycle repeated for years. Until….

I learned that not even God grants restoration to the unrepentant. I’m not required to be more godly than God.

Now, don’t assume I walk around with a giant chip on my shoulder and swim in a vat of unforgiveness. I don’t. I DID forgive, after a very unique encounter with Jesus; but Dad required that I forgive for my sake, so that I could be healed. It had NO EFFECT whatsoever on those who sinned against me. Ironically, neither did my bitterness. Those who are the way they were don’t care if you are hurting or bitter; they could happily watch you bleed to death and go on sipping tea without a qualm. They honestly couldn’t care less if you forgive them either.

God did not require any sort of reconciliation. He is more aware than even I am that should I place myself in the line of fire again; I will be wounded, maybe even more viciously now. He isn’t calling us to that. He has called us to peace.

One of these people is dead; but before he died, I came to genuinely desire that he be reconciled to God—not to ME—but to God, and to hope that we can be together in heaven. Another lives in incredible wickedness to this day; and I will never be reconciled with her. Even if she DOES repent and come to salvation, I will not be able to believe it is genuine. I have seen that song and dance many times in almost 50 years; and believing it nearly cost me everything. But I do indeed hope to see her in heaven too. God is not willing that any be lost, but for all to come to repentance. Me too. But there is still that little “repentance” hurdle. In the meantime, I love and pray for then from a safe distance; and that is allowed. It isn’t a sin to turn away from repeated violations of your person. Even if forgiveness IS always required, repentant or not, and I’m still not sure that it is; it doesn’t require that we subject ourselves to further mistreatment. I think that idea is just plain stupid. I certainly don’t think it’s biblical.

If I am wrong, someone show me “forgive and FORGET the unrepentant” in the bible. I accept correction.
11 Comments, 0 Pending
Worst scammer of the week! Aug 23, 2008 8:46 am
Mood: Amused, 316 Views
Worst scammer of the week


This guy winked at me today. I haven't had such a good laugh in a while.
Here's his text:


I'M a good christian man and a hard working MAN of GOD,i put God first in everything i do in my life. I'm somewhat of God wonder's as well as a true at heart and have a good sense of humor. I tend to be a bit impatient at times, but that's only because I quickly see what needs to be done and want to jump right in and make it happen. i enjoyed simple things of the world, my hope is in the lord almighty.

My Ideal Person:
Iam looking someone like me, honest and caring . that love the lord as i do, someone who is happy with what she had in life ,write it might be you for life. hope to find the right lady.

(Please note the hair-curlingly horrid grammar, with the one perfect cut-and-paste sentence in the middle where he turns his "one flaw" into an asset, like they teach in classes on how to give a good job interview. Hysterical.)

"Asian"????? He must have a wonderful plastic surgeon! Where are his scammer coaches? Sheesh, nothing matches up!

Someone please tell me how to become a nurse with only "some high school". Apparently, I did it the hard way. Silly me! Oh, wait, now that I think about it, he's not a engineer or a "contracter", so maybe he's for real.


I WANT HIM NOW!!!!!!!!


Hey, Aneleh and ChosenSon2, here's your first customer--he wants someone just like him! Care to oblige???????
9 Comments
Seeing doctor today, thank for the prayers. Aug 22, 2008 9:25 am
Mood: Relieved, 268 Views
I called my doctor Monday, weaned myself from the medication that I had the reaction to, and am going for an appointment late this afternoon.

The rash has mostly resolved, my skin is still a bit tender but doesn't feel like it's on fire any more, and already 4 of the 34 pounds (OMG!!!!!!!) I gained in the 3 months I took it are gone.

Obviously, in this case, the cure is worse than the disease. It didn't do all that much for the dizzy-dame syndrome anyway, so that's ok.

Thanks for the prayers. Love you all.
7 Comments
You can't cut your hair. Aug 19, 2008 9:56 pm
Mood: Loved by my Dad, 330 Views

Back in the early days of my walk with Christ, this is something that was strongly impressed upon my heart by God.

“You can't cut your hair.”

Now, to me, them’s fightin’words! EXCUSE ME!! This is MY hair. I had this running battle with my male parental unit the entire time I was growing up. And it’s MY hair, and I can do what I want! If I want to cut my hair, I will!

We girls were not permitted to pierce our ears, either, because once, in a play ground, when he was a kid, my male parental unit saw some girl get her earring torn out and it made him queasy. And he liked LONG hair on “his”girls. And he had to have control.

Said male parental unit was also as abusive as a man could get, in every way imaginable, towards a child. On top of that, he was an ordained minister, so every single atrocity that he committed against us was because WE were evil and caused him to in some way. It was a twisted, crazy-making upbringing.

One day, when I was 14, in a supreme act of rebellion, my mother took all three of her daughters to a hairdresser, and the four of us all got our hair cut, any way we wanted it! A couple of days later we all went to the mall and got our ears pierced too! He didn’t speak to ANY of us for three weeks. I admit it, I loved that. It was GREAT!!

But, as life went on, my hair became my symbol. If I was angry, I cut my hair; usually myself, and then had to pay someone to fix the mess I made. If life sucked, I cut my hair. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I cut my hair. If I hated myself, I cut my hair. If I felt crappy, I cut my hair. If I got my feelings hurt, I cut my hair….. etc., etc., etc.

I was reborn at 37 years of age. But I’m not going to say that life was instantly hunky-dory. Heck no, even when God is in things, there are still consequences for poor choices and past mistakes and pure lousy luck! At the time, my hair was shorter than most men’s hair, unless they were Marines! And I kept it up for a few more years. I usually had the professionals do it, but still, whenever something bugged me, even if I didn’t really understand that something was bugging me…..OFF WITH THE HAIR!!!!

In 1999, after I got out of college, there came an “off with the hair” day. And Dad said “No, you can’t cut your hair.” Simply, gently, but firmly.

Now wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute! That’s nuts! God doesn’t care how long or short my hair is. That’s crazy. This isn’t 1st century Israel. Women aren’t judged by that! I can do whatever I want with my hair. Why ever would I think that??? On and on I went.

Still the still, small, but certain voice said “No. You can’t cut your hair.”

“OH yes I can!! You can’t tell me not to cut my own hair!!!”

“No, you can’t cut your hair”

This exchange went on for HOURS!! But in the end, I gave in. “It’s really not fair, and it’s MY hair, and I don’t see why you care how long my hair is, but if you say no, then I won’t. BUT I WON’T LIKE IT!!!

It was a battle that raged for months. Really! I would actually drive to the hair dresser's and get out of my car, and He would say “NO” and I would whine, but stop and go home.

After about a year, my hair looked like a girl’s hair. Not long, about medium, but feminine. Not too bad, I would think, but there were still days when I fussed and fumed and was upset and I REALLY, REALLY wanted a hair cut.

In another year, my hair qualified as long. There were still those moments when my hair drove me bats and I wanted to rip it out by the roots; but I accepted God’s decision without much fuss, and learned to work with the definitely girlish hair I had.

During this time, other battles of will raged in my life, but slowly, over time, I stopped fussing and questioning Dad so much, and it became easier, even natural, to just do as I understood I was being told by Dad to do.

The day came when I looked in the mirror, and I liked my hair. No, I LOVED my hair. It was soft and womanly and shiny, and it framed my face in a complementary way. I told Dad how much I liked it and admitted He was right all along, it was best for me to have long hair.

He told me the strangest thing. “I don’t care how long your hair is!”

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? We wrangled for THREE solid years over my hair. What do you mean you don’t care how long my hair is??

His answer still astounds me years later.

“Amanda, My precious child, I don’t care how long your hair is. This was never for a single moment about your hair. It was about your rebellion. It was about your self-destructiveness. It is about obedience.”

I was silenced. Of course it was.
9 Comments
New scammer approach Aug 19, 2008 1:43 pm
Mood: Laughing, 374 Views
I received this email just a few moments ago:

hi
So often when there is something we decide we want, we spend all of our focus and energy on the flow of getting it. Unfortunately, what we don't realize is that with an attentive eye focused on ourselves we will find the answer to our quest. If you've ever wondered why you may be finding it difficult to find your perfect match, it may be time to analyze what it is you are offering.YOU ARE DATEABLE
Felix williams

"What the heck," I thought. "is this guy offering reassurance (not needed), friendship (odd approach) or psychoanalysis (might be needed--but still....). But I also thought "scammer name". So I looked. Here is his profile text:

my names are felix william, am an engineer i work and leave in the uk, i am simple nice caring and loving. i am hoping to find someone of same qualities

Yep BIG SURPRISE!!! scammer--new approach alert folks. I haven't seen anything like this before! It sounds a lot like a paragraph lifted directly from a self-help book for the love-lorn.

(OF COURSE I'M DATEABLE!! SO ARE YOU!!!)
12 Comments
Kids! Aug 18, 2008 12:11 am
Mood: Giggly, 267 Views
At precisely midnight, I received this text message on my phone:

"Happy Anniversary, Mom, of the day you had a daughter!"

Yep, my middle child is 30. HOLY CRAP!!! I can't possibly be that old!!!!

Gotta love that girl!



8 Comments
I need prayer Aug 17, 2008 9:48 am
318 Views
I am experiencing what could be side-effects of a medication I recently started taking. I have developed a rash on my face, eyes, and chest; and the skin on the rest of my body feels like it is being scraped by sandpaper when anything touches it, even clothing. This has been getting worse since about 2 weeks after I started taking the medication. I am also experiencing some really rapid weight gain, which I find even MORE appalling. I am returning to a very strict diet, but if it is medication-related, I know that won't help.

I can't see my doctor for a month, and this is not a medication I can just stop taking. Alternatives are available but either beyond my budget or have appalling side effects of their own. I cannot go without, as the quality of my life would degenerate rapidly to unbearable.

Ordinarily, I would keep this to myself, but it dawned on me that this is my family, and if I can't turn to my family.......

I really really need prayers.

Thanks, and hugs to everyone.
15 Comments
Slow down, time....... Aug 15, 2008 8:25 am
Mood: Joyful, 245 Views
I'm sitting at my computer desk under a window that looks out upon the woods at the back of my house. I'm watching as the sun gets higher in the sky; and the light changes as it plays over the tall firs and maples and the weeping willow and I'm not sure what the other trees are. It's a lot like living inside a Thomas Kinkade; an ever-changing, ever-lovely light show from Dad.

My 3-year-old grandson, Ephraim is on the floor complaining (well, whining as only a 3 year old can!) because I won't let him have an apple for breakfast, I won't let him have a glass of tea, and I won't go to the store to buy Capri Suns. I am not paying $2.50 for an 8-pack of flavored water that only costs that much because it comes in really cool pouches with straws! I don't think he is quite fully awake yet.

The light show reminds me that time is marching on. In two days, my daughter will be picking up Ephraim and his twelve-year-old brother, River. This place will have a lot less noise, a lot less mess, a lot less to do, and far less color and joy. I've gotten used to having them here. They are such a gift.

I wish I had been the me I am now when I was raising my own children. It would have been a lot more joyful and fun. And maybe now I wouldn't have to be praying for their salvation. I let them down. They deserved better. I cling to the promise that the Lord will restore the years the locust has eaten.

Today will be another day of joy. Yesterday, Kristy, Jim, the boys and I picked apples and made dutch apple pies for the freezer and swam in our pool, and made homemade Oreo-cookie ice cream, and giggled and laughed and played and teased and generally enjoyed the family life that God has blessed us with out here in the woods of SW Washington. I've never had so much fun in my life. Kristy, her dad, and I and my grandkids are so much more a family than the one I was born into. What a gift. Thank you Lord.

I wish this summer would go on forever.

7 Comments
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Most Recent Comments by Others
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A special timeGraceStillAmazesOct 1 10:06 am
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A wounded and broken heartGraceStillAmazesSep 22 11:48 pm
You can't cut your hair.wpx1Sep 22 3:18 am
Nothing to sayGraceStillAmazesSep 19 2:09 pm
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