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My Little Bit of Heaven
  
Most of you are going through the same or similar trials and tribulations as I am though your stories may be a little different we are all still in the same boat. My prayer is that my little bit of heaven will make your little bit of heaven just a little bit better. May the Lord richly bless you all, cheers.
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The Flat Tire Jan 24, 2006 8:30 am
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My tire had a staple in it. Of all times for this to happen, a flat tire. But when is a good time for a flat tire? Not when you are wearing a suit and you have been traveling for nearly five hours and, adding to this bleak picture, nightfall is approaching.
Wait, did I mention that I was on a country road? Okay, now you have the picture. There was only one thing to do: call AAA. Yeah, right. The cell phone I bought for security and protection in moments like this isn't in range to call anyone. "No Service" it says. No kidding!
I sat for a few minutes moaning and complaining. It's a male thing. Then I began emptying my trunk so that I could get at the tire and tools needed to get the job done. I carry a large plastic container filled with what I call "just-in-case-stuff." When I am training or speaking, I love to have props with me. I hate leaving anything home so I bring verything,just in case.
Cars buzz by me. A few beep sarcastically. I hear the horn saying "ha ha!" I say, "You'll get yours!" Darkness begins to settle in. It's becoming a bit difficult to see. The tire is on the passenger side, thank God, away from all the traffic, but making it difficult to benefit from the headlights of passing cars.
Suddenly a car pulls off the road behind me. In the blinding light, I see a male figure approaching me. "Hey, do you need any help"? "Well, it certainly isn't easy doing this with a white dress shirt and suit on," I said. Then he steps into the light. I literally was frightened.
This young guy was dressed in black. Nearly everything imaginable was pierced and tattooed. His hair was cropped and poorly cut. He had leather bracelets with spikes on each wrist. "How about I give you a hand"? he said. "Well, I don't know, I think I can," "Come on, it will only take me a few minutes." He took right over. While watching him, I happened to look back at his car and noticed for the first time someone sitting in the passenger seat. That concerned me.
I suddenly felt outnumbered. Thoughts of car jackings and robberies flashed through my mind. I really just wanted to get this over and survive it.
Then, without warning, it began to pour. The night sky had hidden the approaching clouds. It hit like a waterfall and made it impossible to finish the tire change. "Look, my friend, just stop what you're doing. I appreciate all your help. You better get going. I'll finish after the rain stops," I said.
"Let me help you put your stuff back in the trunk. It will get ruined," he insisted. "Then get in my car. We'll wait with you," he insisted. "No, really. I'll take care of everything," I said.
"You can't get in your car with the jack up like that. It will fall. Come on. Get in," he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the car. Crack! Boom! Lightning and thunder roared like a freight train. I literally jumped in his car. "Oh, God, protect me!" I thought to myself.
Wet and tired, I settled into the back seat. Suddenly a small frail voice came from the front seat of the car. "Are you all right"? she said as she turned around to face me. "Yes, I am," I replied with much relief seeing the old woman there. It must be his Mom.
"My name is Beatrice and this is my neighbor Jeff," she said. "He insisted on stopping when he saw you struggling with the tire." "I am grateful for his help," I said. "Me, too!" she said with a laugh. "Jeff takes me to visit my husband. We had to place him in a nursing home and it's about 30 minutes away from where we live. So, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, we have a date." She laughed and shook her head.
"We're the remake of the Odd Couple," Jeff said as he joined in laughing."
"Jeff, that's incredible what you do for her. I would never have guessed, well, ah, you know I," I stumbled with the words.
"I know. People who look like me don't do nice things," he said. Silence. I really felt uncomfortable. I never believed that I judged people by the way they dressed. I was angry with myself for being so stupid.
"Jeff is a great kid. I'm not the only one he helps. He's a volunteer at our church. He also works with the kids in the learning center at the low income housing unit in our town," said Beatrice.
"I'm a tutor," Jeff said quietly as he stared at my car. Silence again played a part now in a moment of reflection rather than the uncomfortable feeling that I had insulted someone. He was right. What he wore on the outside was a reflection of the world as he saw it. What he wore on the inside was the spirit of giving, caring and loving the world he wanted to see.
The rain stopped and Jeff and I changed the tire. I tried to offer him money and, of course, he refused it. As we shook hands I began to apologize for my stupidity.
He said, "I experience that same reaction often. I actually thought about changing the way I look. But then I saw this as an opportunity to make a point. So I'll leave you with the same question I ask everyone who takes time to know me. If Jesus returned tomorrow and walked among us again, would you recognize Him by what He wore or by what He did?
3 Comments
OK So I Am Still Pondering Jan 23, 2006 11:50 pm
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On the bags of miniature candy bars it says, 'Fun Size.' Does this mean that the regular size bars are no fun?

Why aren't they called bakies instead of cookies?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Why do mothers always say that their child cannot play until their room is clean? What will the room look like after the child plays?

How come we as children will fight tooth and nail not to have a nap only to find ourselves as adults wishing with all of our hearts that we
could?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to forgive each other as quickly and effortlessly as children forgive each other?

Didn't the guy who laughs last had to have it explained to him?

Isn't it better by far that you forget and smile rather than remember and be sad?

Why would there be a key to happiness? Isn't the door always open?

Where do socks go when they get lost in the dryer?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes, would they eventually just disappear?

Do Clothing manufacturers really expect us to run a whole wash for each item marked 'wash separately'?

Why do clothes dryers have buzzers that go off when the drying cycle is done, but you just have to guess for the washing machine?
6 Comments
Be Still With God Jan 23, 2006 10:13 pm
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I am reminded of a story I used to tell, many times from the pulpit, many years ago. It happened in Tucson, Arizona. There was a certain canyon where Bro. Branham went to pray and where I, too, chose to go one day. I, like this woman in the story, had determined to get alone with God...to be still so that He could speak to me.

I pulled my car up to the edge of the mountain area that contained the canyon and parked. As I exited the car, a huge dog, Great Dane, came charging at me with a deep, echoing bark. He was slinging slop everywhere from his massive jaws and he slopped all over me. I have never feared dogs and since I received Christ have found a perfect peace...a love that casts out fear. I wasn't afraid, but I was cautious. Great Danes are usually friendly and this one was no exception. He wasn't attacking me...well, not in fury, anyway. He was bounding up in hopes of some attention...maybe a scratch on the ears. I did just that hoping that would settle it and I could get on with my plan. It didn't work that way. He would not leave me after that.

I turned away from him and started hiking up the mountain. I was a lot younger then (this was in the early 70's...1973 or so) and I could handle some rough terrain. I was in excellent shape from my trade and not too far gone from the military service. So, when the Dog showed signs of following me, I stepped out briskly and chuckled to myself, "Ha! He won't last long in this terrain...he'll turn back." There were two trails up to the area I sought and I chose the steeper narrower way. This I did for two reasons. One, it was shorter, though more difficult. And two, I knew that dog couldn't make the trip. I would shuck him there. And so, on I went.

Just for a second I had a thought. "Be careful whose love you reject. Be careful how you treat others", something said in my mind. I thought. 'Right! But that is just a dog. Good lesson, though. Good thought.' On I went.

The trail got narrow and the dog got in the way. He kept barking and slopping on me and pushing against me. I started to get aggravated. "Hey, you, mister dog", I said, "You are a bother. You go on back to wherever you belong. I came out here to meet God and talk with Him. I ain't got time for no stranger...no bothersome stranger. If I wanted a dog along I would have brought my own. Get out of here!" I shooed him away waving my arms and shouting at him.

He finally went away...a few yards. I wanted him out of there. I picked up a rock and tossed it just in front of him. I didn't want to hit him but I wanted him to think I did. I tossed another one. Good shot! Right under his nose. He bounded away further. A couple more rocks and he got the idea. He left. Or, so I thought.

I turned and started back up the trail thinking, "Lord, this will be so lovely. I will find a quiet place and kneel down and pray earnestly. Then I will wait quietly in faith until You speak to me and then I will know that all is well. Oh, it will be so good to be alone with You. All alone away from this world and all it's................"

He almost bowled me over when he slammed into my back and he slopped all over my neck with that awful tongue. The DOG was back. And I was mad. Then, I thought, 'Keep your peace. He is just being friendly. He loves you...the dumb beast. You turned him away, you rejected his love but still he never left you. How about that?'

And Something inside said, "Just like Me. You rejected Me, you had no time for Me. You turned Me away many times, but I Am still with you. It is LOVE that makes the difference. Love is persistent. Love is patient. Love is longsuffering. Love is not easily provoked....beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. God is LOVE."

I looked at the Dog and said, "Come on, you Dog! Just calm down, will you?" And we started up the trail together.

It got steeper and steeper, narrower and narrower. It got harder and harder to stay on the trail. The Dog fell behind, but I thought, 'I told you so. You can't go where I can go. You aren't built for it. Sorry.' Then I began to talk to God again and tell Him how good it was going to be to be alone with Him and hear Him speak to my soul. I was softly speaking to Him when I heard........."OOOOOWWOO! OOOOOOOOWWOOOO! OOOOOWWOO!" The DOG was stuck.

He had tried to come around ahead of me and catch up with me and had somehow gotten onto a ledge from which he could not escape. He was in a real mess. He couldn't turn around and he couldn't back up.....he was in a 'wreck'. I said, "Yeah! You were stubborn. Wouldn't listen to good counsel and now look at the fix your in. Serves you right."

Something said, "Just like you. How many times have you refused good counsel? How many times did you ignore My voice? How many times did you think you could do it a better way than the one I had written out in the Trail Guide, the Bible? AND, how many times did you end up hanging out on a cliff...in a wreck? How many times did you try to go where you were unable to climb being unprepared. Don't get ahead of Me."

Now, I knew this dog was preaching to me and God was speaking to me...had been all along. I looked over at the DOG. He looked pitiful. He was looking at me in sad desperation and howling. "OOOOOOOWWWWWooooo! OOOOOOWWWWWooooo!

Well, it broke my heart. I thought of how many times I had been desperate without hope, without help. I got tears in my eyes and I climbed out on that ledge. It was a spooky place. There was barely room for the dog and now I was trying to get up there to help the critter. And, he wasn't helping a bit. Like a drowning man that tries to pull you down, that dog was doing everything he could to knock me off that ledge in his effort to get down. He knew I was there to help but was too fearful to understand that he was making things worse. I nearly fell down the mountain and I almost gave up on the Dog. I would have, too, if God hadn't spoken to me again, in my heart.

"Did I ever give up on you? You were never easy to assist. You always wanted to do it your way, not My way. You pushed Me away more than you helped Me to change your situation. I always had to work INSPITE of you to save you from yourself."

All of this went through my thoughts as I rolled around stretching my legs to get a footing and clutching at rocks to grab a hold and prevent myself from tumbling off that mountain. I don't know how that big dog ever got out there. But, I said out loud, "Alright! Hang on. I'm coming back for you."

When I got there I yelled out, "Stand still! Just be still." The Scripture came to mind in Psalms. "Be still and know that I AM God, I will be exalted among the heathens..." It was on the church bulletin in the Methodist church where I grew up. My mother taught me to sit still, be still, be quiet in church. You could hear a pen drop in there with over 2000 members. It was over the platform in Bro. Branham's church in Jeffersonville, Indiana when I visited there. And it is in my own church in Oklahoma City..."Be still and know that I Am God"

Now when mother said "Be still!" there was no question as to what she meant. It meant two things. Quit moving and shut up. I knew what 'Be Still!' meant. That part was without dispute. But now I was thinking of the other part of the verse. "And know that I Am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." I felt 'religious'.

Before I could think about it further, though, I was interrupted in my thought by the DOG. "Oooooowwwoooo!" I got up there with him somehow and wrestled him around...he seemed to weigh a ton. I got him aimed in the right direction. Then I got down off the ledge and jerked him down on top of me and literally packed him...stumbling and falling...back onto the trail. I don't know how I managed. It seemed a miracle.

And it was. Not my efforts but the marvelous work that Christ did to carry me and my sins to Calvary. I started crying again.

We were back safe now and I remembered my former thought. "I will be exalted' he had said. "Yea, Lord" I said, "Thou wilt be exalted among the heathens and in all the earth. Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Thou art the Christ...the manifested Word. The God of creation. Oh, let me exalt you in my life! Let me reflect you to a dying world! Yea, Thou shalt be forever exalted in me. Praise the Lord!"

I took off running back down that trail as fast as I could with my hands in the air and screaming, "Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!" I knew He had met me. I knew He had spoken with me. I knew He had sent me that dog to preach to me His wonderful ways and remind me of how much He was in the simplicity of the little things. He was everywhere...and I was seeing Him everywhere.

I had counted on being alone.....although I hadn't thought about it. But I certainly thought I was alone, except for the dog who was running right along with me. (He was no doubt wondering what was up with this crazy human.) Suddenly we came around a turn in the trail...and ran headlong into a group of women hiking. And, one of them had a poodle dog. Ooops!

I was embarrassed, red-faced, I'm sure. They had scattered like chickens before a fox. Here I came screaming and waving my arms above my head and plowing into their midst. I scared them pretty good. Then, as I wondered how I could explain this wondrous moment with my Lord which made me act so strange to people who may not even know Him and His ways, the poodle and the Great Dane 'squared off'. They were both males and the poodle had to assert himself...wanted that big fella to know it. The ladies gasped. "That your dog!" one cried in distress. (She just knew he would eat her pet.)

"No, ma'am. He ain't mine." I didn't want any blame for what might happen next. This dog had caused me enough trouble. Then, the Preacher came again. Something said, "Deny Me and I will deny you." I thought, 'Lord, he's a dog. And he ain't mine. I didn't lie." Something said, "Has he not delivered My Word to you by example? Is he unworthy of your loyalty? He would stand by you...don't you think? Even rocks wouldn't drive him away from you."

I was starting to walk away...and that stopped me. I turned around and said, "Well, he ain't mine, but he has walked with me all afternoon and I think he will listen to me. We been through some tight spots together." Then I raised my voice slightly and said, "Hey, you dog...come 'ere. Hey, come over here." I motioned with my hand for him to come........and, Thank the Lord!, he did. I said, to myself..."Whew!"

Me and the dog left quickly. I was embarrassed by my appearance to them....I figured they thought I was some kind of 'nut'. And I wanted to get the dog away before they started fussing. We scooted on out of there.

On the way back I considered the day. I never did reach the canyon. The only time I was on my knees was when I was under the Great Dane or tumbling down the hill. I hadn't uttered one word of formal prayer........but He had spoken to me ALL DAY LONG.

It turned out to be one of the best days I ever spent with Him alone.

The DOG? Well, when I got back to my car, he went wherever he came from and never even looked back. Good as he could preach I would have thought he would want an offering...I had some dog biscuits in the trunk. But, he left me alone with God. And he left me with a marvelous tale and a lasting memory.
6 Comments
Allowing Happiness Jan 23, 2006 7:54 pm
262 Views
If you are not happy with what you already have, how can you expect to become happy by getting more?

Instead of expecting that happiness will come to you from the outside,choose to send it out from the inside.

If you've been waiting for some thing or event or condition before choosing to be happy, there is no need to wait any longer.

Go ahead, choose to be happy, and then you'll move more effectively toward whatever you desire.

Having the good and valuable things you desire is not a cause of happiness. It is an expression of happiness.

Happiness is not yours when you chase it or put conditions on it.

Happiness is yours when you allow it. Choose right now to allow it.

Choose to be happy and genuinely thankful about who you are, what you're doing, what you have and where you're going.

And right away, that positive attitude on the inside will begin to build and improve the factors on the outside.

Allow happiness, and allow your life to run in a positive, fulfilling direction.
3 Comments
Dealing With Forgiveness Jan 23, 2006 1:54 pm
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How many times have you said or heard somebody else say that there was no way they could forgive a person for the hurt or pain that was caused them. "I can never forgive the person for what they did to me" I know I have heard and many years ago I even said something similar to that.
But mark my words, one day the Word of God, sharper than any two-edged sword, will pierced your heart and let you know that in order to move along in your walk with God and to become more Christlike you will need to forgive for the hurt that someone has caused you.
I will give you a few of the examples of what I am dealing with in my life and you can put in your own examples of what you are going through or have gone through.
Do I forgive the drunk driver that killed my first wife?
Do I forgive my son in law for killing my oldest daughter?
Do I forgive the person who murdered my brother when all he was there at the store to do was get medicine for my grandmother?
Do I forgive the court system for letting him out in only 6 years because of a technicality so now he can go on with his life but my brother is still dead?
Do I forgive all the men that have slept with my ex-wife?
Do I forgive the ex-wife?
Do I forgive the people in my life who have borrowed money from me with the promise of paying it back only to never see them again?
I can go on and on with these but you get the idea. Anyway the answer to all of these questions is yes, the bible says that we must forgive.
If you expect God to forgive you of your sins then you in turn must forgive others that have sinned against you.
"Remember the Lord's Prayer? 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.' That's followed by a pretty plain statement: 'If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses."'
I can't make it much simpler then that. Jesus ministry was of finding the lost and leading them to salvation. His ministry was of love. His ministry was one of grace and mercy. Jesus ministry was also to the reconciliation of not only to God but to His purposes in the world but also to the people of the world. Those you live with and around everyday of your life.
Everything you have been taught or seen in your life goes against these teachings. You here an eye for an eye or tooth for a tooth. However forgiveness is a must. It starts the beginning of healing for friendships and relationships that have been torn apart for whatever reason.
You may worry that the other person that hurt you isn't sorry or doesn't forgive you. That is not your problem. "We don't pray, 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who ask us to.' We say 'as we forgive those who trespass against us.'
You are not forgetting what has happen though you need to because when God forgives you of your sin God forgets your sin as far as the east is from the west and we need to do that as well with our brothers and sisters here on God's green earth.
Jesus said, "If anyone wants to follow in my footsteps, he must give up all right to himself, carry his cross every day and keep close behind me. For the man who wants to save his life will lose it, but the man who loses his life for my sake will save it."
I will tell you first hand it is not easy to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. Forgiveness is the laying down of whatever it is that is stopping you or slowing you down in your walk with God. Jesus said whosoever will lose or lay down his life for the sake of Christ will save his life.
The Bible has and shares many stories and parables dealing with forgiveness. However the one that always touches my heart the most is when I read that Jesus, nailed to a Roman cross, prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." If any of you have seen the movie "The Passion Of Christ" then you can at least get a partial glimpse of what was done to Jesus before He was nailed to the cross. In spite of the beatings, the humiliation, and everything that was done to Him that week, Jesus still said Forgive them, could you or I have had that type of forgiveness in us with everything that happened to Jesus that week.
Who can stand up to the force of forgiveness?
There are many people that have confess to me over the years that they had hated me for one reason or the other. I had no knowledge of this hatred they had for me. The Bible tells us to go to one who has a grievance against us: "If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:2-24).
We are commanded to forgive anyone who has trespassed. We are not told to call there attention to the offense. We are to ask the forgiveness of anyone against whom we have trespassed.
The Bible tells us to bear one anothers burdens. Forgiveness is the acceptance of the burden of responsibility.
So as the song goes, "Take up the cross and follow Jesus". God bless you all, cheers.
3 Comments
Signs That You Are Getting To Old To Drive Jan 23, 2006 9:17 am
270 Views
It takes more than four minutes to get out of your car.

When backing into a parking spot, you just back up
until you hear something.

It scares you to drive the speed limit.

The only thing you pass on the road anymore is the Amish.

You use cruise control because your leg fell asleep.

You inquired if the dealership could install magnifying glass for the windshield.

Your turn signal has been on since 2003.

Your bumper sticker endorses Eisenhower.

When the police pull you over, they're surprised to find out you're sober.
4 Comments
People You Meet Jan 22, 2006 8:54 pm
237 Views
Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

God gives every bird its food,
But He does not throw it into its nest.

He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses more;
He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are acts of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

The tongue weighs practically nothing,
But so few people can hold it.

Friends, you and me....
you brought another friend...
and then there were 3...
we started our group...
Our circle of friends...
and like that circle...
there is no beginning or end.
2 Comments
For Those Of Us Over 40 Jan 22, 2006 8:30 pm
266 Views
Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't get food
poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat a bite raw sometimes, too.

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper, in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember anybody getting e-coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE, and risked permanent injury with a pair of hightop Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have Happened, because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option. Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the National Anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative
attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything, and she could even give you an aspirin for a headache or fever.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were
without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked!

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the
contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either, because if we did, we got our butt spanked there, and then we got butt spanked again when we got home. I recall my friend from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof.

It was a neighborhood run amuck
3 Comments
Lets See If I Understand How The World Works Today Jan 22, 2006 2:52 pm
224 Views
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your children or grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot
at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled body is parked in front of this
computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay?
2 Comments
Immutable Laws Jan 22, 2006 2:44 pm
210 Views
When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of
Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you've been waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)

The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)

The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean. (Law of Campbell Scoop)

Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)

Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)

Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. (The Don King Principle)

After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Fatal Irreversibility)

Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you.
(Law of Delay)

Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)
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