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Blogs > Dundeal > My Little Bit of Heaven > Aug 17, 2008
My Little Bit of Heaven
  
Most of you are going through the same or similar trials and tribulations as I am though your stories may be a little different we are all still in the same boat. My prayer is that my little bit of heaven will make your little bit of heaven just a little bit better. May the Lord richly bless you all, cheers.
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You Know You're Getting Older When Aug 17, 2008 6:38 pm
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Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You're still chasing women but can't remember why.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."

You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

Dialing long distance wears you out.

You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.

You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.

Your back goes out more often than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
2 Comments
Dearest Redneck Son Aug 17, 2008 5:42 pm
170 Views
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since. I hope they come back soon, like I told your dad we shouldn't have to wear the same clothes more than a week.
About that coat you wanted me to send;
your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two
hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning,
but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt
6 Comments
Did You Hear? Aug 17, 2008 12:08 pm
161 Views
Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had? They're no longer on a first-name basis.

Did you hear about the man with two left feet who went into the shoe shop? He asked, "Do you have any flip-flips?"

Did you hear about the two TV antennas that got married? The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!

Did you hear about the scientists who crossed a sheep with a porcupine? They got an animal that knits its own sweaters.

"Law of Drunkedness"
You can't fall off the floor.

Bull fighting would be a sport if the matador dressed in red clothing and had no weapons.

One of the good things about laryngitis is that the people who have it can't tell you how miserable they are.

Bill Clinton ought to be able to serve another term. I think 10-to-20 would be appropriate.

"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.

*grin* It makes "them" wonder
4 Comments
Friendship Aug 17, 2008 10:15 am
133 Views
Friendship

. . . is you.
. . . is love.
. . . is shared.
. . . is forgiving.
. . . is understanding.
. . . is shared secrets.
. . . heals many hurts.
. . . is not judgmental.
. . . is shared laughter.
. . . is slow and steady.
. . . can be angry at times.
. . . is dependable and true.
. . . is more precious than silver or gold.
. . . is meant to be savored like fine wine.
. . is not perfect, much like we are not perfect.
. . . does not hold grudges or demand perfection.
makes all the wrong things in life, right somehow
is meant to be gulped like lemonade on a hot summer day.
. is always there, through times of trial, happy times and hard times.
. just happens, but once discovered, needs to be tended like a beautiful garden.
. . is a road to be traveled slowly, remembering the sights and sounds.
. is strength when you are too weak to notice its there.
. is a cherished moment of mutual understanding.
. reaches into your heart and grabs a firm hold.
. . . is a refreshing rain on a hot day.
. . . is sunshine through the clouds.
. . . cannot be forced or induced.
. . . is relaxed and comfortable.
. . . is a shoulder to lean on.
. . . is an ear to whine to.
. . . gets better with age.
. . . is shared tears.
. . . is shared pain.
. . . is shared joy.
. . . is shared.
. . . is love.
. . . is you.
2 Comments
Before Computers Aug 17, 2008 8:32 am
103 Views
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And a floppy disk was something
Terribly wrong in your back.

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
0 Comments
You Know it's July in Florida When: Aug 17, 2008 8:14 am
162 Views
Hot water comes out of both taps.

You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.

The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

You burn your hand opening the car door.

The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.

You can make instant sun tea.

Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.

Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.

Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.

You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.

You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
10 Comments
 

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