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My Little Bit of Heaven
  
Most of you are going through the same or similar trials and tribulations as I am though your stories may be a little different we are all still in the same boat. My prayer is that my little bit of heaven will make your little bit of heaven just a little bit better. May the Lord richly bless you all, cheers.
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Men's Thesaurus Jul 11, 2008 5:18 pm
139 Views
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
6 Comments
Alright, I Am Hot Today Jul 11, 2008 3:36 pm
184 Views
Let me see, it is not my birthday, not Christmas time, not really celebrating anything that I can think of.
Anyway got 7 winks today so it has to be something special in the air, hahahahaha, cheers.
10 Comments
Christian Speech Jul 11, 2008 3:33 pm
118 Views
PART 1
"Have you ever been saved?" "Sure. Once when I was 9, I was swimming at the beach and a strong
undertow began to drag me out to sea. My uncle heard my call and..." "No, not that," came the interruption. "I mean redeemed, reborn, you
know, washed in the blood. Have you?" "What in the world are you talking about?" "Convicted, I mean. Have you ever been convicted?" "Well, of course not. I've never been in trouble with the law." A pause. "I think you need to be delivered." "Delivered? I was just waiting for the bus home. I think I'll stick to that, thank you very much." "No, man! Hey, I think we should have lunch together some time." "OK." So a time was set.

PART 2
"Sorry I'm late. I was having a quiet time, and forgot to keep track of the clock at work."
"A quiet what?" "You know, your prayer closet."
"You pray in a closet? At work?" "Oh, no, it's in my car." "You have a closet in your car?"
Another pause. "I think you'd better read this when you go home. It'll help you get there."

PART 3
"Well, I got born again." He was elated. "Now we're getting somewhere! So what you need now
is to find a good body." "You mean at the local health clubs?"

PART 4
"I found a good body." He was elated. "Now we're getting somewhere!" "Her name is Denise. We're married." A pause. "Well, OK. What you both need to do is to get planted somewhere." "I'm not a plant. Why would I want to do that?" "No, no, no. I mean committed, plugged in, you understand?" "Not really. I'm not a toaster."
"Oh, man! Come on, we'll go to my church Sunday." "OK."

PART 5
After the service, the question came. "Boy, God really moved, didn't He?!" "Huh? Where did He go? I was getting to know Him, and now you're
telling me that He's gone!" "No, man, He didn't leave! It's just that so many were stepping
out and moving in the gifts!" "You mean people were leaving? And what's this about presents?"
"No, no, no. The gifts were really flowing, didn't you see? And didn't you notice Denise was on fire?" "Fire? Denise got burned? What happened? Is she OK? Did she touch the furnace?"
"No, no, no! Denise is fine. I just think she is really called and God really wants to use her."
"What do you mean? Did she say she was getting too many phone calls or something? And what's this about God wanting to take advantage of her?" A deep sigh. "I think we need to walk in the light for awhile and talk more." "Sure, OK, where do you want to go? We can go now; plenty of daylight outside." One final, deep sigh.

PART 6
Now it's been 2 years since I was saved and delivered, plugged in, planted, committed to a good body. God has been moving and I've been
stepping out in the gifts. I can hardly believe how God is using me.

I do have one new problem, however. It seems that my friends can't understand me anymore. When I share about my redemption, about how
I've been washed in the blood as white as snow, that I desire to follow the Lamb where ever He goes, they just tune me right out. I guess they're just convicted when they see me on fire.
2 Comments
Job Jul 11, 2008 4:30 am
137 Views
Living Life is a full-time job.
4 Comments
For The Guys: Some Things Not To Say To A Woman During An Argument Jul 11, 2008 4:23 am
169 Views
When you are arguing with the woman you love, be sensitive, restrained and don't say anything stupid. There are times, your life just might depend on it. Below are a few examples, cheers:

"Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?"

"No, really, I was laughing about this joke I heard one time."

"Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset."

"You're just upset because your caboose is starting to spread."

"Wait a minute, I get it. What time of the month is it?"

"Are you gonna cry? Force lip to quiver mockingly Cry for your mommy?"

"You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"

"Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."

"That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add 'giant cork' to the shopping list?"

"Whoa, time out honey, Frasier's back."

"Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning."

"Is there anyway we could do this via e-mail?"

"Hey baby, if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one from my real wife."

"Whom are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded."
8 Comments
Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies: Jul 11, 2008 4:04 am
102 Views
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in yourmessage.

The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over...)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.
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