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I Guess We Are Not Happy Unless We Have Something To Bicker Over, HaHaHa
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May 13, 2008 9:18 pm
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What can I say that has not been said by at least another dozen bloggers or so, hahahaha. There have been some that are trying to stir things up, there are others that try to be peacemakers, there are some that choose to just be quiet through it all and know that it will eventually blow over.
The later is me, I believe and know from the bible that we all have different gifts and I know mine is not to sit here and argue about every post that is put up that I do not agree with. There are many bloggers that I read but do not always comment on. There are blogs that I just avoid because I do not believe they are edifying the word of God. However that does not mean I know everything that there is to know in the bible and I can choose to go on those blogs and belittle the person because I do not agree with what they are posting.
I have been here over 4 years now. I would love to say this is a one time thing and not the norm but that is not true. It seems every few months somebody will say or post something that will open the flood gates and there are those that love to argue, hahahaha and so the cycle goes on. A few will get hurt by the comments and leave, new bloggers will arrive and the cycle will start over again.
I get those emails from people that tell me I just have no balls or guts and only post feel good post and that I refuse to take a stand. That is fine and I let them vent their peace. For what is worth to those others that are thinking along the same lines here is my stand on the matter.
I choose to follow the two commandments that Jesus left us with. To love God and God alone and to love my neighbor as myself. I cannot love my neighbor if I am belittling them and making myself sound superior or a know it all. I am far from that as I am no where near a bible scholar as some of you are.
I realize that Jesus got angry a few times in His ministry but I am no where near Jesus nor an expert on the bible in order to do that. I know Jesus in the end took an awful lot of abuse. The people beat Jesus, they spit on Him, they mocked Him, they ripped the flesh off His body, they stabbed Him and finally they crucified Him and through all of this Jesus asked God to forgive them for they know not what they are doing.
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Brain Exercises
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May 13, 2008 7:32 pm
560 Views
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As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if
you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go to
question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even
overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World". If you said, "water" then proceed to question three.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house
is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you
said "glass", then go on to question four.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.
Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a
plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you
are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator, you are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading,
six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for goodness sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!
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You Are Not Young When
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May 13, 2008 6:34 pm
574 Views
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You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You can live without s-x, but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You have a dream about prunes.
You answer a question with "Because I said so!"
You send money to PBS.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word equity means.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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The Next Survivor Series
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May 13, 2008 2:17 pm
544 Views
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Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time, no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!
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One Liner's To Share
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May 13, 2008 1:31 pm
543 Views
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Ideas are funny things. They don't work unless you do.
It's not the lions and tigers that'll get you. It's the mosquitos.
Knowledge may have limits, but it's not so with ignorance.
Humor is the hole that lets the sawdust out of a stuffed shirt.
Love at first sight may be all right, but it might be wise to take a second look.
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Hints To Clean Pots And Pans
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May 13, 2008 7:50 am
554 Views
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Fizz away grime! Pop 6 Alka Seltzer tablets in your glass pan filled with water. Let soak and rinse off.
Shiny Fix! Fill your pot with water and use a ball of foil to scrub away the caked on food. Not on teflon pans!
Bubbling action! Pour club soda in a warm pan. The bubbles will loosen it up.
Citrus power! Halve a lemon and rub the cut side on the pan. Grime will come off easily.
Softening soak! Soak a dryer sheet in a water filled pan overnight to remove cooked on food.
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A Child's Perspective:
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May 13, 2008 5:35 am
537 Views
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One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On the return from their trip, the father asked the son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad!"
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have a whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, and they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son said, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? It makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have!
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Big Night Out
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May 12, 2008 8:10 pm
622 Views
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When I got home from work tonight, Charie told me, not she demanded that I take her out to some place expensive. So I loaded her and the children into the van and took off. Can U guess where I took her?
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So I took her to a gas station, to fill up the car!
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More Church Bulletins
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May 12, 2008 5:40 pm
562 Views
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These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir They need all the help they can get.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan Last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
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