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My Little Bit of Heaven
  
Most of you are going through the same or similar trials and tribulations as I am though your stories may be a little different we are all still in the same boat. My prayer is that my little bit of heaven will make your little bit of heaven just a little bit better. May the Lord richly bless you all, cheers.
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Children, I Love Their Innocence Oct 9, 2008 5:34 pm
77 Views
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied shewas so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember youmust look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN(age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON(age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
4 Comments
Take A Child By The: Oct 9, 2008 3:30 pm
71 Views
Take a child by the hand,
and show him the way.
Lead a child each morning,
into a beautiful day.

Take a child by the mind,
and give him the strength;
to fight every challenge,
and go to great lengths.

Take a child by the soul,
and let God be known;
for it is by his mighty grace,
that so big they have grown.

Take a child by his sight,
and show him wonders galore.
Teach him curiosity
and the need to explore.

Take a child by his smile,
so beautiful and sweet,
and tell him of all the friends,
he will make and meet.

Take a child by his wonder
of the life all around.
Let him savor each flavor
and hear each new sound.

Take a child by his dreams
and say it's alright,
to follow those dreams
as far as he might.

Take a child by the heart
and teach him to love,
for there is no greater gift
from our Creator above.

And after your child has grown
and alone he now stands.
Watch and enjoy as he takes
his own children by their hands.
0 Comments
Pick-Up Lines And Comebacks For The Ladies Oct 9, 2008 7:35 am
134 Views
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under the rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator. "

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized! "

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh, you're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Man: If I were to rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Woman: Yeah?! Well, if I were to rewrite the alphabet I would put F and U together. Get my point?!
2 Comments
You Still Have Hope Oct 9, 2008 3:14 am
118 Views
If you can look at the sunset and smile,
then you still have hope.

If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower,
then you still have hope.

If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly,
then you still have hope.

If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
then you still have hope.

If you can see the good in other people,
then you still have hope.

If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
then you still have hope.

If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
then you still have hope.

If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
then you still have hope.

If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
then you still have hope.

If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
then you still have hope.

If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life,
then you still have hope.

If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise,
then you still have hope.

If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration,
then you still have hope.

If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end,
then you still have hope.

If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
then you still have hope.

If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the supper,
then you still have hope.

If you can look to the past and smile,
then you still have hope.

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile,
you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase:
"yeah. BUT . . . " then you still have hope.

Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.

It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.

Hope puts a smile on our face
when the heart cannot manage.

Hope puts our feet on the path
when our eyes cannot see it.

Hope moves us to act
when our souls are confused of the direction.

Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.

And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
NEVER LOSE HOPE!

“Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;” - Titus 2:13
2 Comments
My Father Is On Deck: Oct 8, 2008 7:14 pm
139 Views
In the days of the sailing vessels, a captain from Liverpool commanded a ship sailing to New York. On one voyage, his family went with him. During the night, when everyone was asleep, a storm arose and struck the vessel, throwing her over on her side. Everything inside the ship tumbled and crashed. The passengers awoke in great fear and in imminent peril. Everyone on board was alarmed. Many of the passengers sprang from their berths and began to dress so that they might be ready for the worst.
The captain's eight-year-old daughter was on board, and awoke with the other passengers. “What is the matter?” the frightened child pleaded.
They told her that a storm had struck the ship.
“Is my father on deck?” she asked.
“Yes, your father is on deck.”
The little girl dropped back on her pillow and, without a fear in the world, in just a few moments was again sleeping soundly in spite of the wind and the waves because her father was on deck.
Never forget that our Father is on deck. Whatever the storm of life or the storms of this world may bring, God is in charge. Our Father is on deck.
2 Comments
Just A Thought Oct 8, 2008 4:27 pm
123 Views
If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.
0 Comments
Now That There Are Children In The House The Meanings Of Some Words Have Changed Oct 8, 2008 3:19 pm
114 Views
AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house
4 Comments
Dieting Tips Oct 8, 2008 11:18 am
89 Views
Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed.

Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week, which scares your friends away.

Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom.

Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?)

Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.

Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats.. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce.

No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now.. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet.

Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you?

Celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds and have permission to actually eat it.
0 Comments
My prayer for you today Oct 8, 2008 8:56 am
99 Views
You will find favor with someone you don't expect ...Amen.

You will be too relevant to be ignored,.............Amen.

You will encounter GOD and will never remain the same,.....Amen.

The grace for completion will come on you, you shall be blessed till the blessed call you blessed,...........Amen.

The mouth saying ''Amen'' to this prayer shall laugh forever,...........Amen.

Very, Very soon and I say Very, Very, Very soon, GOD is going to do a miracle and lift you up For GOOD.
2 Comments
Do You Want To Be A Pumpkin? Oct 8, 2008 7:13 am
86 Views
A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see."
2 Comments
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