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The Wisdom Of Our Children
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Dec 11, 2008 11:02 am
537 Views
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Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom. Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't
answer him. Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat. Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster. Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10
Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.
Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what
your mom told you to do. Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.
Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes. Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing. Cynthia, Age 8"
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Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans:
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Dec 11, 2008 10:52 am
571 Views
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"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.
Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines in stores and then only use two?
TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS.
Have a fabulous STRESS-FREE day!
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I Want To Know
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Dec 11, 2008 5:14 am
551 Views
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I want to know, when day is done,
That life has been worth living,
That I have brought somebody joy
Through kind, unselfish giving.
I want to feel, when evening falls
and shadows quickly lengthen
That I have made somebody glad,
Some weakness I have strengthened.
I want to know that come what may
I've left some cheer and gladness;
I want to feel at close of day
I've banished someone's sadness.
I want to feel at close of day
That someone's cares were lighter
Because of kindness I have done,
May someone's life be brighter.
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Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do
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Dec 10, 2008 6:24 pm
562 Views
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There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:
Emergency The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find Yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to Establish the
emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the
spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot From your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock
Button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Hidden Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the Keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't
use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
Free Directory Service for Cells Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of
a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.
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Things Only A Woman Can Understand
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Dec 10, 2008 5:29 pm
540 Views
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Cats' facial expressions.
The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
Cutting your hair to make it grow.
Eyelash curlers.
The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
OTHER WOMEN
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When you are Dealing with
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Dec 10, 2008 5:10 am
577 Views
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When you are dealing with
...children,
...the hurt,
...the sick
...or the upset
you must use extra gentleness and care no matter what the age or the area of hurt.
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Bizarre Product Warning Labels
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Dec 9, 2008 7:56 pm
571 Views
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Batman Costume - Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
European Camera - This camera will only work when film is inside.
Liquid Plummer - Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Toilet Plunger - Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Little Ones Baby Lotion - Keep away from children
Hair Coloring - Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Boot's Children's Cough Medicine - Do not drive a car or run machinery.
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To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
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Dec 9, 2008 6:41 pm
594 Views
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At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' Marijuana for medicinal purposes.
Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
Sing Along At The Opera.
Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
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Expressions for high Stress Days!
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Dec 9, 2008 6:04 pm
562 Views
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Well, aren't we just a ray of freaking sunshine.
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Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen.
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Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?
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Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
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You! Off my planet!!
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I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
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Let me show you how the guards used to do it
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See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
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Allow me to introduce my selves.
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Whisper my favorite words: I'll buy it for you.
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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
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I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
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How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?
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I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
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Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2
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Just smile and say "Yes Mister,"
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This is a mean, cruel world & I want my nappy and medication
right now.
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Everyone thinks I'm psychotic except my friends deep inside the
earth.
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Earth is full. Go home.
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Is it time for your medication or mine?
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And which dwarf are you?
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How do I set a laser printer to stun?
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