 | Blogs > busykydad > Random Ramblings > ~~~do the questions ever go away?~~~ |
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I'm in Louisville this morning. Spending the weekend with my son. We went to Bowling Green last night to the dragstrip...they were allowing street cars to run. We raced four times with him barely winning each time. Dad's gonna have to get his car back in the shop and tune it up a bit!  I'm sitting here this morning reflecting on the fun we've had this weekend when the thought of what went wrong began to creep into my mind. This would have been our 23 wedding anniversary. Instead its one month short of the three year anniversary of the beginning of divorce proceedings. Why did Satan win this battle? Why am I the first and only one in my family to get a divorce? Why would the one I treated like a princess do the things she did? Can anyone be trusted? Is there any reason to look for another relationship? Will it turn out the same way no matter how well I treat her? Should I be content to spend the remainder of my life as a single man? The questions...do they ever go away? The kids are getting ready and we are going out for breakfast in a few minutes. Just felt the need to ask my BC friends if they have the same questions...or better yet, do they have any answers? "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - part of Jim Elliot's October 28, 1949 journal entry One life will soon be passed, only what's done for Christ will last! |
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6/1/2008 8:18 am |
I think we all have asked similar questions from time to time especially when those once special dates pop up on the calendar. But I have found it better not to ask Why or What If... it changes nothing. Instead for me, it is better to focus on the blessings of today. Don't let the enemy creep into your thoughts and take your focus off the wonderful time you have spend with your son and onto what could've should've would've been thinking. The Bible says we should focus on those things that are good and pure. And I must admit that when wrong way thinking comes into my head, it's not always easy to do but I sure sleep better when I do as He says we should. God bless you and hang in there. Isn't it great that you and your kids are going for breakfast this morning?! My teenager is still asleep and I am a starvin' marvin this morning. LOL
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6/1/2008 9:19 am |
I hope it is ok that I respond to this post. As for me that is something I do even in my life.., Due to my difficult relationship/marriage I ask myself things like...what have I done wrong to deserve this kind of a relationship/marriage.?? What can I do to change things although everything I try fails? Therefore, I appaud you!!!! I therefore do not have answers to you question/s. Only to advise, that you forgive the situation...so that you can at some point...trust again..to indeed allow yourself that happiness. To give another woman the chance to be treated like a princess. "wishing" you the best... now and in the future... your bc sis
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6/1/2008 9:47 am |
There are plenty of reasons to look for a new relationship, Reason # 1 Not all women are the same, don't blame all women for the sins of one. Reason # 2 You deserve to be happy. Reason #3 You are still young and have lots to offer a wonderful person like yourself. hope this cheered you up Life is an adventure.
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6/1/2008 11:01 am |
Jim, Jim!!! Don't give Satan any undeserved satisfaction!! Maybe the Lord really wants you to go back into ministry "full" time??? Perhaps a completely new path in your life has been waiting for you? For sure, unless you "really" aren't able to manage "it" without a new companion, having one would certainly affect your "freedom" and lessen it somehow! You have to find this answer in Him at first!!! Be absolutely certain about what He wants from you!! Past is past; What is done is done! Put it aside! God bless you my friend!!! 
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6/1/2008 6:01 pm |
I can understand Jim. I have been having those same thoughts. Each of the ones that have posted something before me have said some wonderful things. So I am not going to repeat or add to them. Just keep praying and serving! You are a wonderful man that loves God. You have a lot to offer a Godly woman. Hang in there. I get discouraged though too and think I will never find a Godly man to love me again. But I am going to have to turn it over to God! Call me if you ever need someone to talk too!! "God has called us to be fishers of men not keepers of the aquarium.  ~Katrina
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6/1/2008 6:48 pm |
I agree w/Kat. We will not know the answers to those questions. Our comfort comes in knowing that God does and He cares for our every need. Nancy Let us share one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ
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6/2/2008 9:08 am |
The questions never go away. Divorce is devastating to a family , especially the children ( I've seen the way it has effected my sons ). I find myself asking " why " a lot, but only the Lord knows the real why. We must continue to pray for our children, before during and after a divorce; making sure to tell them its not their fault. I'll be praying for you and your family. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 1 Cor. 2: 7
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 6/2/2008 9:51 am |
Satan didn't win anything my brother, Satan was defeated at the Cross. Just forgive and let the Lord heal your heart. God always seems to have a way of turning these bad situations around for good and all for His glory. I believe the Lord has good things ahead for you my friend, wait on His timing. There will once again be a song of praise in your heart. Lift up His precious and holy name in praise and thanksgiving even now. Gary
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6/3/2008 12:03 am |
Just remember Matt 6:33. Seek Him first, let your focus be on Him and He will meet your needs, practically, emotionally and sprirtually. It is too easy for people to seek a relationship out of their need and lonliness. You have a lot a healing to do yet, so relax and trust that Father will guide you. Blessings!  We are what we believe we are. C. S. Lewis
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6/3/2008 7:25 pm |
I don't know if the questions ever go away - I'm sometimes plagued by the same questions too. And then I wonder, are these thoughts not just another attack by the devil? It takes quite an effort to drive them away. I am convinced, however, that 2 people are responsible for the success or failure of a relationship. You are not responsible for other people's choices, only your own. Take comfort that you did the right things by your ex-wife - the response was her choice and not yours! And yes - to find your mate makes the risk very worthwhile! I don't know the circumstances of your divorce, but 23 years was a very long commitment. I expect it will take you a while to heal and start venturing out onto the dating scene again. Don't get stuck in a rut, though, just because it's safer not to date in order not to be hurt! A friend once advised me that I have to kiss many frogs before I find my prince. So, I'll pass on this advice to you - but I hope you'll find your princess and not a prince LOL! But...you won't find anyone if you don't start making an effort to date - even if you don't really feel like it. You have to start somewhere. Who knows, maybe one of those dates will yield your mate. And when you find that woman who is as committed to the relationship as you are, don't be afraid to take the risk and trust in God to help with all the rest. Sorry for the babbling - I'm just passing on the advise I keep on giving myself God bless, G “Faith makes a Christian. Life proves a Christian. Trial confirms a Christian. Death crowns a Christian.” Annonymous
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6/3/2008 7:32 pm |
Lots of wise words up there so may i just say this:
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6/5/2008 10:47 am |
I'm sorry for your loss Jim. I know that if you hold on, the Lord will restore a thousand fold what has been stolen from you. In the meantime, just remain within the limits of his righteousness. Then should his heart lead you to another relationship, the devil will have no claim over it. Should the evil one attack that one as well, you can confidently turn to the Lord, (like Ezekiel did as he faced death) and ask him to 'remember...'
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 6/8/2008 7:01 pm |
Hi, I'm new here and haven't had time go get to know folks yet. However, I do know your pain. One of the most difficult things, for me, was the concern that God wouldn't want to use me, since I was divorced. I live a very conservative, southern town and it wouldn't be unusual for a church to restrict the ways in which I would be allowed to serve. To my delight, after giving me time to heal, God had bigger and better things awaiting me. I'm still waiting and wondering if I've used all my chances at marriage. But, in the meantime, God is keeping me busy. The questions don't really go away, but the intensity does grow less over time. This is especially true when God provides the opportunity to use your experience to minister to others. I have found that the pain eventually goes away, but some of the confusion as to "why" may never go away. It becomes one of those things that you just have to accept and move past. God's mercies are new every single day, and that is what got me through. M.
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6/10/2008 7:22 pm |
Through your pain and anguish, God will bring about much healing for others that have/will go through the same situations. satan hasn't won as he was defeated at the cross. There are many of us like you who have been betrayed and hurt in this way. Sometimes it is incomprehendable what some people do to good, loving people. I am at a point now where I have stopped asking why this or why that, instead I am asking the Lord to turn it around and change me and grow me more and more to depending on him only. Your ministry will have such an impact on others as you have experienced the pain of brokeness and divorce. The Lord will use you as you will be more and more relateable. Blessings, Louise The body of Christ is like a patchwork quilt! All stitched together with God's love.
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6/15/2008 6:57 am |
Don't feel bad, Jim! I am the only divorcee in the family of 7! I often wondered what went wrong??? What else could have I done to save our marriage of 19 years, shy of a 1/2 month of going 20 years!!! I kept rehearsing my divorce proceedings over and over again for a long time. So many questions and NO answers! The TRUST factor had so affected me that I began to reason out and made excuses that if married to a Christian man was a total failure ~ who else could I trust? Thus, entertaining the thought of dating non-Christians became a reality! Never realized that it was the downfall of my walk with God ~ a rebellion that was subtlely downplayed by the enemy. But because of my vulnerability, I played it all along...WHAT A PRICE I HAD TO PAY!!! For a almost two years, I lived in seclusion with my abusive husband, so ashamed, so guilty, so wanting to die! But God had another plan! He never gave up on me evern when I was already giving up on myself! By His grace, he healed my broken heart. He restored my faith in Christian men. And now, he opened a door of great opportunity for me to meet a wonderful man of God! Never thought someone like him still exist! GOD IS TRULY GOOD AND AWESOME! He turned our failures and paindful experience into something beautiful in His own time. I am truly a living witness of His incredible love and mercy and His forgiving heart. GOD IS TRULY A GOD OF SECOND CHANCES!!! KEEP TRUSTING IN JESUS AND OBEY! That's the only way to be happy!!! STAND FIRM AND STAY FOCUSED ON HIM! glo Teach me your way, O LORD,and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. (Psalm 86:11,12)
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6/18/2008 8:24 pm |
just read this blog...sigh8 all i can say is me too.....my marriage was an abusive one...he abused me and one of our sons,swho is disabled emotionally. the marriage was on and off for 12 yrs. my sons are going to be recovering for a long time one of them is in a institution to hjelp him cope with his sever anxiety and mood disorders now. i feel your pain and then some...know one really knows what goes on in the heart of others...just know this God was carrying you through all of it. and we are here for you your whole family of God...the real ones!
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