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 | Blogs > araesque > Theophany > Personal Journal 5/11/06 |
Personal Journal 5/11/06
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I fellowshiped today at the Roadside Chapel AOG in Rutland. I have been there before, they have nice worship although they tend to pick complicated songs that keep you from getting lost in the presence of the Lord. Pastor Rob had been away for the week and had not recovered from his travels, so the service was mostly sharing. I can see that they have a real community, and he did speak briefly and even without a full message I was brought to tears. Something seems to be going on with me these last two days. I am on the edge of tears constantly, something inside seems to be crying out and I don't know how to make it better. I finally got up last night and laid face down on the floor next to the couch and spent 45 minuites in intercession but whatever is going on is continuing. When I was young for I time I was a worship leader with the church I was with at the time, although more I think because no one else was interested in the job. That was way before churches had worship teams, way back when the first praise album had just come out. I had an old guitar held together with duct tape and picture frame wire and I spent hours before services worshiping the Lord on my own. God was doing something in my life at that time and I was swept away in it like so much drift wood caught in a flood. Our worship often went for 45 minuites to an hour, none of this three songs and sit down stuff. The presence of God was so real that people were often slain in the spirit and it was not uncommon for several prophetic words to come forth. Our church had a dance floor to the side of the sanctuary and when I was not leading worship I could be found there, dancing my heart out to the Lord. To this day I find it difficult to dance in a secular setting. When one has danced before the Lord that other stuff seems coarse and obscene. The word came powerfully forth in those services and people where healed, lives were changed. It was talked about all over town. After the Sunday evening service a few of us die hards would sit on the floor in the sanctuary with most of the lights out and sing quiet praises until we were to tired to continue. It was so sweet it was like eating honey out of the jar by the spoonful. I am not sure why I am sharing all this. I have missed those times, but have always felt that was a special time in the Lord for a particular time in my life, that it was impossible to go back. Yet, tonight, I want it. I yearn for the presence of God in the old ways. So what that we only knew three chords. Oh that the Lord would come and annoint his worship as he did back then. I can not stand the dryness anymore. Perhaps that is the meaning of the tears in church this morning. Am I finally going to close with the Lord? After all these years? I have read that sometimes these things happen and perhaps I finally have become desperate enough. Lord deal with me, because I can't deal with myself any longer. Wrestle with me, or I die. |
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11/6/2006 7:27 am |
I shouldnt say that but I am happy to see a man crying, no matter for what reason. Make me feel that he still owns softness. Being a Christian for almost 30 years, I experienced spiritual drought then awakening then drought...each time God lead me back to HIM. I have my soft spot, I cant stand 'You my thy Vision'. Each time I sing this song, my eyes will become wet. Peace, when you cant deal yourself, its time for God's work. God wont wrestle with you, He will gently lead you back to HIM, like how a shepherd treats his sheep. Peace and be quiet inside HIM. GBU
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11/6/2006 7:58 pm |
Feeling the same here.
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11/11/2006 11:21 am |
How this speaks to my soul as I too miss the old times when the Spirit was free and worship was not "scheduled" into the service but was the service if God ordained it so. When no one in the congregation even noticed the time and Sunday morning services often lasted until 1 or 2 o'clock because the Lord was allowed to have His will. Those times when even the children knew the songs mostly by heart by the time they reached 5 or 6 even if they did get some of the words wrong and nobody needed a hymnal, their hands were free to be raised in worship of our King. This type of worship can rarely be found in the churches today, brother, but it is abundant in the hearts and souls of the saints arond the world. And there is no rule that says that you can't enjoy it on your own, today. Keep seeking, Keep knocking, Keep asking, He will answer! Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand 
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