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 | Blogs > redbird1122 > Rebirth Of The Phoenix > Intimacy* Bounday Violations, Intimacy* Abuse |
Intimacy* Bounday Violations, Intimacy* Abuse
10/24/2006 2:41 pmLast Read: |
Intimacy* violence is common in our culture. There has been no taboo on incest in our culture, the taboo has been on tlking about incest. Forty percent of women and possibly over 20% of men have been intimately* abused. The following list are intimate* boundary violations for children or non-consenting adults including: Intimate back rubs or hand holding, Uncomfortable hugs (too close, too long, hands reach too far or no choice), Wet or lingering kiss, Seductive dancing, Discomfort sitting on a lap, Being exposed to mast.rbation, Genital touching or fondling, Breasts rubbed or fondled, Intimate* games, oral intimacy*, anal intimacy* or intercourse, Mutual mast.rbation or being used for mast.rbation, Penetration with finger or objects, Intimate* torture, Rape by stranger, friend, acquaintance, date or spouse (marital rape) or Emotional rape. In recovery for intimate* boundary violations we need to: Find same gender nurturing and trust of the same gender*, Feel safe and comfortable with the other gender*, find healthy other gender* friends and nurturing, Get information about intimate functioning, Become intimately* aware, Practice safe intimacy*, Recognize abusive intimacy*, addictive intimacy* and healthy intimacy*, Deal with being intimatly intruded on, being around people who use intimate innuendo or become intimately* aggressive and Recognize other people don't make us intimate, that our intimacy* is an aspect of our relationship with ourselves. Also in recovery we need to give ourselves permission to: Be spontaneous and careful, Know that we have the right to change our mind about anything intimate at any time that we are doing or that someone eles is doing with us or to us, Be seductive and enjoy that in appropriate settings with appropriate people, Debrief the way we've been intimately* abused and understand and connect the responses to that abuse back to the violence, To enjoy being the gender* we are and To be able to talk about intimacy*, ask questions and find information about intimacy*. * Word changed by this blogger in order to conform to the requirements of this site. Author Unknown Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand 
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10/24/2006 3:32 pm |
But for those that have suffered- There is restoration, there is cleansing, there is healing---- If we let Him, the Lord truly does take ALL things, ALL things and turn them around for the good of those that love Him. Even this . . . & Can even take one to a place- where they can have it come to mind- & there is no hurt There is no pain & where there is even forgiveness of those that might have hurt us. He is the Maker and Creator---- Beginning and End. While man's (or wo-man's) will might have went amiss and done these things to one that had no defense . . . God still CAN bring healing to the whole situation. His promises never fail . . .
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10/24/2006 3:47 pm |
This is sensitive but excellent information Cecilia - it's good to read even if it hasn't happened to you - because you probably know someone who this has happened to and it might help you understand and be able to support and pray for that person and help in their restoration. Of course, Jesus is the Restorer - but sometimes he sends understanding, sensitive people into your path to help you. I have a past of this kind of abuse - I've been on a healing journey with Jesus for the past 11 years - He has done awesome healing and deliverance in my life. It's a process that continues!! Jesus there holding my hand all the way. Cecilia is one of the people that He has put in my healing path lately - we share an ugly past of abuse but we also share a wonderful healing Jesus. I thank God for bringing her as a friend in my life right now. We are living testimony's of God's grace and mercy and love - and we both love to share it with people. Abundant blessings to you Sis!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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10/24/2006 6:53 pm |
More people than you might think have suffered this kind of abuse. The most disconcerting thing is that no one wants to talk about it. Yes, talking about it is taboo. To the victim this translates to acceptance of the behavior by society. My own parents excused the behavior and avoided the subject. Meanwhile, I suffered for years (in ways that I don't think I could explain) and believed that I was to blame. What other conclusion could I have come to when my father said that all you could do is feel sorry for someone who would do that and my mother said that my grandfather (yes, my grandfather) was a good man. Hmmm... I guess that made me a bad girl. It took a long time to come to terms not only with what happened, but with the indifference to what happened. Your post brings up some unpleasant memories, but I am glad that someone is finally open to talking about it. This is not a comfortable topic, but I thank you for posting and I thank others for posting too. Sharing brings healing. It is no mistake that we all read this blog. I thank God for leading me here. We go nowhere by mistake. God bless!
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10/25/2006 7:43 am |
But for those that have suffered- There is restoration, there is cleansing, there is healing---- If we let Him, the Lord truly does take ALL things, ALL things and turn them around for the good of those that love Him. Even this . . . & Can even take one to a place- where they can have it come to mind- & there is no hurt There is no pain & where there is even forgiveness of those that might have hurt us. He is the Maker and Creator---- Beginning and End. While man's (or wo-man's) will might have went amiss and done these things to one that had no defense . . . God still CAN bring healing to the whole situation. His promises never fail . . . Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand
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10/25/2006 7:47 am |
This is sensitive but excellent information Cecilia - it's good to read even if it hasn't happened to you - because you probably know someone who this has happened to and it might help you understand and be able to support and pray for that person and help in their restoration. Of course, Jesus is the Restorer - but sometimes he sends understanding, sensitive people into your path to help you. I have a past of this kind of abuse - I've been on a healing journey with Jesus for the past 11 years - He has done awesome healing and deliverance in my life. It's a process that continues!! Jesus there holding my hand all the way. Cecilia is one of the people that He has put in my healing path lately - we share an ugly past of abuse but we also share a wonderful healing Jesus. I thank God for bringing her as a friend in my life right now. We are living testimony's of God's grace and mercy and love - and we both love to share it with people. Abundant blessings to you Sis!! Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand
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10/25/2006 7:56 am |
More people than you might think have suffered this kind of abuse. The most disconcerting thing is that no one wants to talk about it. Yes, talking about it is taboo. To the victim this translates to acceptance of the behavior by society. My own parents excused the behavior and avoided the subject. Meanwhile, I suffered for years (in ways that I don't think I could explain) and believed that I was to blame. What other conclusion could I have come to when my father said that all you could do is feel sorry for someone who would do that and my mother said that my grandfather (yes, my grandfather) was a good man. Hmmm... I guess that made me a bad girl. It took a long time to come to terms not only with what happened, but with the indifference to what happened. Your post brings up some unpleasant memories, but I am glad that someone is finally open to talking about it. This is not a comfortable topic, but I thank you for posting and I thank others for posting too. Sharing brings healing. It is no mistake that we all read this blog. I thank God for leading me here. We go nowhere by mistake. God bless! I concur that there are many who have suffered such abuse that we do not know about and that it has been kept in the closet for far too long. I refuse to keep it there but will bring it out of darkness and reveal it to the healing light of Jesus at every opportunity. There are others here who will do the same. I too was abused by family members and made to feel that I had brought it on myself. You can read my testamony here in my blog. Do not accept the lies that Satan has fed to you, dear sister. God is able and willing to bring healing to this situation for you and you have sisters here who will support and edify you in your journey toward's that healing. Please know that you are loved by our Father and by us, just because you are His child and our sibling. Yesterday is gone forever, God has made it so, now it is just a matter of allowing Him to remove the scars of it from your heart and mind. You are in my prayers, be blessed. Your sister in Christ's love, Cecilia Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand
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10/25/2006 8:19 am |
I know what you mean biscuitous - it was my father who did these things to me - yes, swept under the rug - kept secret - my mom even insinuated it was my fault - come on - how sexy is a 6 year old little girl. After those events in my life - I always associated love with punishment and pain and I too felt like the bad little girl and that it was my fault. Caused huge emotional problems in my life. Justice comes in the Lord - but still I prayed mercy on my father's soul and that Jesus would save him. The Good News is that Jesus helped me to forgive him and set my heart free of the shame and guilt and the anger and I can now help others with wounded spirits. Blessings! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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10/25/2006 8:33 pm |
This is what I do when I think about my past abuse I take Genesis50:20---and put the person who hurt me,by name on the front of it--and recite it out loud. It helps me remeber I am a new creation and God makes all things new. He can and does use the bad we suffer for HIS good! (-----name of violater) Even though you meant to harm me,God meant it for GOOD,to achieve HIS present end,the survival of many people. another bible version says it more powerfully, (--------name of violater) You intended to harm me, But God intended it for GOOD,to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. There is VICTORY in the man Christ Jesus. AMEN 
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10/26/2006 2:26 pm |
Feathergirl, thank you so much for visiting and for sharing your words of encouragement and wisdom here. I agree that God does take those things that others intend for our detriment and turns it into something positive, something that strenghthens us and allows us to carry on for Him. Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand
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