Blog : Emotional Boundary Violations

Emotional Boundary Violations

10/4/2006 8:12 am

Last Read:
11/16/2006 9:10 pm

Emotional Boundary Violations

When our emotional boundaries are violated we lose the ability to enhance and sahre our feelings which affects intimacy. We lose the gifts of our emotional life guidelines.

Emotional violations include:
Abandonment,
Neglect,
Feelings denied and made fun of,
Being told what we can feel and when we can feel,
Being raged at,
Constant criticism,
Finger-pointing,
Name-calling, ridicule,
Sarcasm
Comparisons,
Blaming
Living with put downs,
Being belittled and scapegoated,
Unrealistic or lack of expectations,
Excess or no presure to succeed,
Being judged and never good enough or alway better than,
Excessive focus on repetitive, negative comments,
Double binds,
Double messages,
Being terrorized,
Lack of affirmation,
No structure or limits or overly structured with excess limits,
Over protected, smothered and not being made responsible for behaviors,
No consequences,
No protection from the emotional abuse of others,
Poor modeling of relationships and fellings,
Lack of affirmation of feelings,
People projecting their feelings,
Racism and prejudices and isms,
Being rejected,
Not being taught to care for self,
Not being taught gentleness or given warmth,
Living with the addictions or addicts,
Living with depression or illness and not bein able to talk about it,
Living with deniel and denied feelings,
Being shamed for the feelings we have or how we expressed them,
Being taught some feelings are OK and others are not,
Not being taught a ppropriate expression of feelings,
Not being taught there's a time and a place for feelings,
Living with many secrets,
Sticky not-directive parenting,
Excess guilting,
Not being listened to,
Being the favorite kid or the little prince or princess or the parent's best buddy,
Inappropriate roles in families,
Having to be an extenision of parents or scripted by the parent,
Being over bonded to a parent,
Living in isolation,
Being placed in inappropriate settings and around inappropriate people,
Excess suspicion,
Getting overinvolved in parents' problems,
Living with people who phobic, worrisome, obsessive and overindulgent and
Excess emphasis on externals - physical appearance, possessions, performance and manners.
In recovery for emotional abuse we need to learn we have the choice about how to express our feelings - when where, with whom and what feelings to express. Some of us need to learn to stuff our fellings, some of us need to learn to express or feelings appropriately and some of us need to learn both at various times. Forget the "let it all hang out." We need to be around people who can affirm our feelings but not always affirm our behaviour. Behavior is based on feeling and it is important to affirm the feeling behind the behavior and define it. Sometimes it is important to gently challenge or confront and notice the behavior as ina ppropriate. We also need to acce pt that other people can tell us how we feel. In addition to recovery from emotion boundary violations we need to:

Learn the language of feelings and become emotionally fluent,
Have asupport network of people who will listen to our feelings and shre theirs with us,
Lear not to medicate or distract ourselves from our feelings, but to face them and move through them.
Learn to embrace our feelings as Scott Peck pointed out: the only path away from our suffering is to embrace our suffering,
Understand and learn about the grieving process, and
Be able to connect our feelings to the realities of our lives.

Author Unknown

I would like to encourage everyone to either copy this picture of emotions or find another one like it, print it out and post it somewhere in your home to assist you in learning to identify what you are feeling. There are many such pictures to be found on the internet if you will do a search on "pictures, emotions". This is also a wonderful tool for children in helping them to learn to identify and express what they are feeling

Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand

spiritfilled052

12594 posts

10/4/2006 11:50 am

Wow - Cecilia - that pretty much sums up my past. Pretty messed up for sure. But the Good News is that I 'invited' God to come right into the middle of the all that mess - and He has brought much deliverance and much healing - the last couple of years He often encourages me to 'feel my feelings' - whether it's sadness or anger or joy - and I invite Him into those emotions to help me understand them more - He will do it - He loves you to invite Him into the hurting places of your life. Guess what??? I'm not there anymore - I've made the journey out of my pain - with His help - couldn't have done it on my own - and I'm still a work in progress - each step I take - each moment I live. What He has done and is doing for me - He will do for you - that's the really Good News. Truly - how can we NOT praise Him!! Marilyn

How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn

Corporate | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use
Help / Contact | Report Abuse *Note about Numbers