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Blogs > redbird1122 > Rebirth Of The Phoenix > My Testamony Part Nine

My Testamony Part Nine  

9/7/2006 8:57 pm

Last Read:
11/21/2006 8:12 pm

 Disclaimer:
I want first of all to let everyone know that what I am about to reveal is not because I am living in the past or because I am holding on to it. I am not still wearing my grave clothes, so to speak.

A testimony is simply speaking the truth of what God has done in one's life, personal experience of His love, grace, power, glory. For a biblical example of a testimony please see Acts 26:1-23

My granddad passed away in May and I turned 17 in July. Within days of my birthday my mother and oldest sister had a run-in at my sister's house, which upset my sister very badly. It scared me deeply because my sister was expecting and she had already lost one baby. I was so angry at my mom about it because the argument was over her trying to run my sister's life.

That night, lying in bed, I made some decisions and I made my plans. As soon as my mom left for work the next morning I was up, had some clothes and a few other things packed and was out the door. This time I made good my escape.

I made my way to Midland, Texas where there was one of those David Wilkerson's Teen Challenge houses and tried to get them to let me stay there. But they wouldn't let me stay unless they got my mother's permission first, something I knew they would never recieve. Walking away from that house that day I gave up what little was left of my conviction to walk the walk.

Since my dad had gone to prison I had been accused of being responsible for what he had done to me and that I was no longer worthy of any decent man. I was told, and have continued to be told right up to this day, that I only got what I deserved and asked for from him, my step-dad and my foster dad. Until that day, a few weeks past my 17th birthday I had never willingly given myself to any man, but decided that day, walking away from that house, that if I were going to be accused of it, I might as well be guilty of it. And so I gave myself to the first nice looking young man to offer me a ride and to every other nice looking man who caught my fancy after that for quite some time. I figured that I had nothing to lose since my innocence, my virtue had long since been taken from me.

I also went from using drugs and alchohol recreationally to using them regularly and smoking like a chimney. They one thing I could never bring myself to do was to shoot up as I hated needles, had all my life, would in fact pass out at the sight of one.

I rode my thumb from Texas to California to Washington state, then back down the length of California and across the southern states to Florida where I looked up an old friend from Iran. In Florida I found a job and an apartment and settled in for a life of partying and pleasure. Unfortunately, my friends brother turned me in as a runaway and I got picked up by the Juvenile Division and slammed into Juvie Hall to await my mother's decision on what to do with me.

What my mother told them was to keep me until I turned 18, some 8 months later. My sister's however did not agree with this decision and sent the money for me to be sent back home to Texas.

To this day I still don't understand how the legal system works because the person who took me to the bus station told me that once I crossed into Texas I could get off the bus and do as I pleased since the legal age in Texas for emancipation was and is 17 but that it was 18 in Florida. So if I was of legal age in my home state, how could they pick me up to begin with? And how could my mom report me as a runaway?

Anyway, I didn't go home to my mom and step-dad but went to my oldest sister's house for a while. I also lived with my dad and step-mom, and both of my other sisters for short periods. But by May, a year after my granddad's death, I was pregnant with my son and living in an apartment of my own. Still partying, but not as much.

It was at just such a party that I met a military guy that really liked me a lot. I wasn't all that impressed with him and told him right off that I was pregnant hoping to keep him at arms length but it didn't work. At one point it got so bad that I left town for a few days to throw him off my trail but I had no sooner gotten back than I ran into a mutual friend who let him know. In a finally desperate attempt to rid myself of him I asked him if he wouldn't leave me alone, why didn't he just marry me and give my baby a name? To my shock and dismay he said okay.

Ephesians 6:13 . . .and having done all, to stand
ForEwe
(Hellen )

9/7/2006 9:02 pm

 thanks for that look into your life...
THE SONG OF DIVINE INVITATION


redbird1122 replies on 9/7/2006 11:17 pm:
Thank you, for daring to open your eyes and peek in.

JCsSister3
5583 posts 

9/7/2006 11:01 pm

 I can't read this right now, Cecilia. But I need to thank you for the series...I will revisit this when I am feeling stronger. Your candor and writing have affected me deeply, and I want you to know that.

Thank you and God bless you,


redbird1122 replies on 9/7/2006 11:55 pm:
I have been told that I am too honest. That telling all will ruin my reputation and I should have more pride. But you know, there is nothing in me to be proud of except the fact that God loved me so much, despite all that I have been and all that I have done, that He not only allowed His son to die in my place, He asked Him to do it! And He did it for you and for Rhonda and Ed and Ken and Rod and everyone else here at BC and everyone else on this earth. What do we possibly have to be proud of, in and of ourselves that can even begin to compare to what God has done for us and in us? My very best is as filthy rags so what does my worst compare to?

But none of it matters because Jesus has made it all . . . disappear.
It's all gone. He doesn't see it, God the Father doesn't see it and I don't have to deal with it, ever again. I can tell this story, and it's . . . just a story, about someone I used to know. But that person doesn't exist anymore because when I accepted Christ I became new.

JCsSister3
5583 posts 

9/8/2006 9:02 am

 Yes....but the enemy has a way of revisiting with some things, doesn't he?.....Or wait? Is it the Lord revisiting, calling me to the next phase of the battle...?

I seem to have momentarily misplaced my victory banner...God, help me find it!!!


redbird1122 replies on 9/8/2006 9:12 am:
Aaahhh. The million dollar question. But then the answer is within in you.

How do the memories make you feel?

If they bring you down, make you feel less than, hopeless, if they lead you to return to the old life because you are not worthy, if they convince you that what God has given you is not real, then you know who they are from, and what you must do. Rebuke him and send him on his way.

But if they remind you of how far you have come and encourage you to continue your battle, if they give your strength to continue you journey another day, if looking down from the heights to see from whence you came lifts you up and gives you strength to climb a little higher, then again you know who sends the message, the memories and what their purpose is.

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