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4/8/2006 6:19 am |
Yes, from what I have seen there is. It is easy to write all sorts of things freely, and too soon, when the person is not in front of you... and when you 'see' mostly the best of them. Some that I have known, felt no romantic attraction to the person once they met in person... Friends of mine who were successful with an online relationship (now married) checked out references, talked on the phone quite soon and also met in person and hung out with groups of friends during those times... to avoid that false sense you speak of...
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4/8/2006 4:37 pm |
meeting online is different than in day to day life but just as IN a "brick and mortar" life, you need to use discernment What I like about meeting people online, is that people share their thoughts without the awkwardness than they seem to have in face to face contact should they make decisions without MEETING? come on, it is VERY important to get to know one another should you get married to someone you met online? my question is, should you marry anyone? being online gives people an opportunity to meet, that otherwise wouldn't be able to I have made friends from almost every country in the world and appreciate them AND the cultural differences For Mark and I, the fact that he was so willing to go out of his way to be IN my "day to day" life has made ALL the difference. be blessed, Mom4Jesus
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4/9/2006 7:34 am |
yup, makes sense.  the little everyday things are what life is made up of, and is the reality of what one will be living with... On the positive side, Madeleine L'Engle, in her book Two Part Invention, portrays so beautifully how the littlest everyday idiosyncracies someone else has can become so endearing to a couple...those little things that only I know that he does, etc. And ya miss out on those online, too!!
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4/9/2006 9:15 am |
If money is the concern, GO STANDARD! You can do almost everything here. I think the ONLY limitations is seeing the full sized profile pics and emailing someone "first." However, if you wait for your subscription to run out and go to sign up, there is the "buy three, get the 4th month for free" gold package, which works out to approx 11.25 a month (or I think approx. 38 cents a day). Anyways, we're glad you're here...GOLD, SILVER OR STANDARD!! be blessed, Mom4Jesus
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4/11/2006 8:54 am |
It dosn't matter how you meet someone, ether online or not, it is still the same, I would take my time both ways, but it is a good way to meet someone and then get to know them off line before getting marryed.
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My question is how well should you know someone before you commit to them. I have been instantly swept off my feet before today and that person proved to have characteristics better than I ever imagined and worse than I ever imagined, so if the relationship had progressed further, then I would still be learning to adjust. It is a lifelong process, so at what point do you decide that you know ENOUGH about this person for a marriage to be able to survive.
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There are SO many great comments here. I was particularly grateful for what meow said, "Apparently, caring about someone can be mistaken for loving some one. See how on the surface this can be confusing to say the least. Friendship can sometime be mistaken for romance and can ruin some nice friendships on line. It has happened to me." It helps to have some experience going through the various "stages" of meeting people online, emailing, chatting, progressing to phone calls, and eventually to the face-to-face. I've had my profile here and on other web sites now for over two years, and haven't actually progressed to the first face-to-face. I did, however, meet someone on a health web site in 2002 who quickly became just like a daughter to me. After sharing photos, emailing, phone calls, and chatting in chat rooms, I spent three days with her and her husband just before Christmas. Having experienced both the rewards and difficulties of developing a relationship with a total stranger in this manner--one where hearts become very involved--has given me a considerable "head-start" when it comes to what to be aware of. And yes, there can be a false sense of intimacy, but I most appreciate and agree with what continuinghope said in that it's not necessarily a false sense but a different sense. A lot of it depends on the personality of the people involved, their maturity level, and tons of factors. For me, I'm SO grateful that I have this "avenue" for meeting pople. I am not close, physically or emotionally to any of my immediate family (they live over 1200 miles away), I live alone, my church (one I'm helping start as a part of my ministry) is 100 miles away, I work in an office of only 12 people (all either married or 20 years younger than me) and spend the majority of my time while at work doing intense technical work in front of my computer screen all day with my door closed. (And people wonder why I have such an intimate relationship with the Lord! He's my BEST FRIEND!  )I'm not complaining...I'm just explaining what a blessing it is to be able to "connect" with people here on BC. And, by the way, yes I have a few friends. But, again, they are almost all married, have their kids or grandkids, husbands, jobs, and everything else in the world vying for their time. And I KNOW my situation is not all that unique or unusual. And, hey, StrGzr, I'll email you...just so you can get over your complex. Great post, by the way!
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StrGzr, I believe that you are spot on in your thinking because our true focus is God and our partners MUST accept that.A marriage will be a shambles if they don't and God allows for divorce for any nonbelieving spouse.I think you know in your innermost being if you have tried to salvage a relationship and it just hasn't happened. Thankyou for all your advice sofar
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I think that on line friendships are good. I have been single for almost 13 years now. For myself I found that casual friendship through Church and several friends worked best. I never could deciede on one. It always seemed that if I could put the qualities of three together, then I would have the one I wanted. I tried to branch out to the internet to meet a few people and they all flopped big time. It seemed there was much interest toward me but I was not impressed. Perhaps, I was being a bit too picky. Picky because I knew that I needed to take care of my family first. Also, distance to the one your interested in seems to play a vital role when you have children. It is very difficult to merge families locally, let alone try to merge families by moving long distance. There are way too many considerations and I can site 2 different year long friendships on the internet and perhaps 3 meetings which were long distance. For me, I had decieded to wait until my son got out of the nest before I got really serious about someone, however, I have found that local fellowship and blogging has worked best for now. I have even met people on line that live within the same town. Take it slow, find out about yourself and your relationship to the Lord. I find that BC offers me a way to express myself, meet people, share ideas and fellowship. Plus I can be home with my son and not leave the home. We all need friends regardless of our status. It's nice to know that there are a few here at BC that I can truly call friends even those I have never met and without this vehicle, I may have never interacted with them. I once had a very brief meeting with Dundeal (Bill) and his grand kids, I know Meow (Pete) and Skeptical (Tom) all of which are within a 90 mile radius of where I live. I think it would be nice to have BC reunions in the summer time. Now that would be fun to meet small groups of people at pre-determined vacation locations around the states. We all need to lighten up sometimes and be a little more transparent. I am trying to do that on my blog recently by sharing of my past trips and thoughts instead of each post reflecting a Bible lesson. I am trying to be a little more transparent. I enjoy several blogs because people seem to relate back and forth by comments and it's refreshing to see conversation in the blogs. Often times I don't have time to post because of my schedule, however, I do read allot of them. Everyone benefits. So, I say take your time and enjoy life and just make sure that the Lord has you molded into the man He wants you to be. Suggested reading in your free time: "Wild at Heart" and "Men Leading the Charge". Cheers and Happy Easter. (¯`•♥•´¯) ¤`•.♥.•´ ¤ (¯`•♥•´¯)
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Wonderful point, Glo! Yes, whatever we read about someone here or konw about someone is just a snap-shot in time of who they are. We are constantly changing...little by little--hopefully, from glory to glory and from faith to faith.
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4/15/2006 1:41 pm |
Dear StrGzr, I really appreaciate for the wisdom that you shared with us on past patterns cropping up on marriage. Ofcourse this is totally valid for our own patterns and we can look ourselves first to see how God is able to heal our weaknesses and pray and expect He will do the same for our potential partners as long as they allow Him. Am I too optimistic do you think? Thanks again.
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2/3/2007 4:28 pm |
Your post and the responses to this post have some great insight and direction. God must come first in any relationship and true lasting love and dedicated commitment does not happen overnight. I can't stress the importance of really taking the time to get to know the person first. I once made the mistake of getting married too quickly only to pay a dear price for it. He fooled everyone so well. It was only after I was married that I found out his professed faith was a mask and he had been on medication for Bi-Polar/Depression. He stopped taking the medication after we got married and the relationship became a very emotionally abusive one that ended when he became physically abusive. I once told someone that I hate to think this way but I think the only way I would get married again to someone after knowing them for a long time was if I could make them very mad on purpose just to see how they would react. The comments made about seeing how people act and react in many different situations are important because it takes time to really get to know someone. If we turn it over to God He will let us know when and if it is the right time. Thank you for posting this. Your Friend By Faith, Glo
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Interesting discussion, and interesting votes -- not even close! Regarding $ for BC membership, my recent experience is: 1 month standard membership = Zero contacts and less than 5 views. After 4 days paid, 30 views, 9 emails and winks (including more than 50% spammers, but several were serious and real people here -- and looked like nice guys, as far as I could tell). Don't know if the $ is worth it, but at least "something" is cooking.
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I definitely believe that meeting online leads to false intimacy! I've experienced it a number of times. I could tell you stories -- but won't. This was NOT my choice way of meeting a Godfearing man, and I have joined several Christian websites simply because I find it impossible to to meet single, middle aged Christian men at church, or singles groups. I'm told that the 50% divorce applies to Christians, as well as the unsaved. So -- where are all the Christian single MEN in the churches?? I have been in several of the largest born again churches in my area and have found -- guess what? - NOTHING in the way of christian men. Where are they all??? And the very few who have been in the churches are simply not attractive to me. I dislike this online thing because of the false 'intimacy' you speak of -- but ALSO because I'm forced to put a number (my age) after my name and they look at that -- whereas if I just met someone (no one believes my age!) I could get to know the person, before revealing my age. Did I say "dislike" -- no (sorry!) I HATE that feature of this online stuff!! I had a recent instant message from a guy in his 30's who said --- "are you really (and mentioned my age)" and "would you mind being with a younger man". I am not looking for a guy that young, but several years younger than myself---because all the men my age are so OLD LOOKING!! I'm sorry if that's brutally honest -- but, there it is! I wasn't attracted to the guy who IMed me at all, despite the fact he was about 37. But this online stuff is really 'for the birds'!! Sorry to be brutally honest -- but that's my opinion!
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