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a true boyfriend would be someone who is a friend that you get physical with, any kind of touching, handholding, caressing etc
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5/10/2006 11:35 pm |
Perhaps he is afraid of offending you. Do you want him as your boyfriend? If so, perhaps you should tell him. A man who has been hurt enough times learns to keep his mouth shut, so you should probably ask him, and NOT in a way that would lead him to believe that revealing that he has feelings for you would cause you to disappear... -Danny
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5/11/2006 12:01 am |
He is just using you for show. He's having his cake and eating it too! Putting away groceries and his clothes. You are a pretend wife without a ring. Girl you deserve better! His words...he is ("NOT" your boyfriend).....The message is clear no future with you kiddo. If you are wanting more you are pouring to much time and energy into a man that has no interest in something more with you then "Just" friendship. It sounds like you are just a good buddy girl friend...that's great if that is what you are looking to be. If that is not want you want to be then cut it off now! No need to think about cutting if off if you have decide you don't want to be the good buddy girl friend. Set yourself free and then set some standards and boundaries for yourself. The first standard and boundary... don't get into relationships were the guy wants a pretend wife and uses your time to put away his groceries and his clothes. Blessings your Sister in Christ  Israel
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5/11/2006 4:01 am |
Hey, you look like a lovely lady, you know be thankful this guy has told u straight up he is not your boyfriend.. I have a feeling men do not lie about that. Give him credit for being honest.. Some men might string a beautiful girl like you along! I think though to save your heart an unnecessary dent or bruise move gracefully out of there.. if you cant do in on your own.. get a hobby, evening class, take up tennis, whatever, to fill your time with fun things (eg our church had scottish country dancing lessons!) and who knows maybe you'll meet new men, anyway consider also he may change his mind once he misses you a bit.. (but by then u might have moved on and someone else is in your life...) so either way win win.. Just some girlie thoughts. Love Cath
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5/11/2006 5:26 am |
He is just using you for show. He's having his cake and eating it too! Putting away groceries and his clothes. You are a pretend wife without a ring. Girl you deserve better! His words...he is ("NOT" your boyfriend).....The message is clear no future with you kiddo. If you are wanting more you are pouring to much time and energy into a man that has no interest in something more with you then "Just" friendship. It sounds like you are just a good buddy girl friend...that's great if that is what you are looking to be. If that is not want you want to be then cut it off now! No need to think about cutting if off if you have decide you don't want to be the good buddy girl friend. Set yourself free and then set some standards and boundaries for yourself. The first standard and boundary... don't get into relationships were the guy wants a pretend wife and uses your time to put away his groceries and his clothes. Blessings your Sister in Christ Israel
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5/11/2006 6:23 am |
a true boyfriend would be someone who is a friend that you get physical with, any kind of touching, handholding, caressing etc 
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5/11/2006 6:24 am |
Is he wanting to court you? Has he mentioned anything about relationship or commitment?
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5/11/2006 6:50 am |
Yes, that was quite a sermon to deliver on such little information. Hmmmmm...
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5/11/2006 6:56 am |
May I ask how you arrived at that conclusion? What questions did you ask of the young lady? Did you ask how often she helped with laundry and groceries? Is it all the time, or was it just the once? Any woman that spends 90% of her time with a guy is obviously interested in him, and is looking for tips on how to get her point across to him, and to understanding him. Did you take that into consideration? No, you dragged out your pulpit and went to man-bashing. Only one question for you: What would have been the LORD'S response to her question? -Danny
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5/11/2006 7:10 am |
So that all know, the above questions were directed at Artistic Lady. Not that I am by ANY MEANS anything but just a no-good sinful man, I do make the attempt to bring peace and joy to my fellow believers. You will note that I asked ValleyGirl how SHE felt about the young man, although the inference can be drawn from the amount of time she spends with him. Valley Girl, the ladies may be right, and the young man may be taking advantage of you. On the other hand, he may be afraid to call something more than what it is, on the fear of you turning away from him. I have had female friends that did NICE things for me, and I must admit that I had feelings for them, yet NEVER SAID A WORD, because women tend to disappear when a guy they're not interested in shows interest in them. ALL MEN ARE AWARE OF THIS! Your best bet is to make your feelings in the matter plain to him. If he doesn't share them, it is definitely in your best interest to pull out of a relationship where you are being used. If He DOES share your feelings, and was afraid to say something until he received a clear sign from you, then you will have won what you were after. It would be a shame to throw away something that could be good, based on someone else's opinion, especially when that someone else is not in possession of all the facts. May Jesus guide you in this, and may the desires of your heart be granted, according to HIS perfect will... -Danny Milligan
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5/11/2006 10:11 am |
Just some thoughts here from a woman that has been down the road and back again. What is wrong with having a close friend that is male? I have some wonderful ones that God has blessed me with. I can talk to them and get a different perspective from them than I can from the lady's I am friends with. They teach me that all men are not "out for one thing" as others are. They teach me a different kind of love and acceptance. All of those are valuable lessons that I needed to learn and at times re-learn. When we start setting boundaries on if we can have a close friend that is male without being that persons mate we cut ourselves off from the other half of the human race. We also degrade relationship to being nothing more than a means to an end. That becomes sad in my book. My suggestion to you is if you want a relationship with him. Talk to him about it. Be open and honest with him...it may be scary and some may say its the guys job. But I will tell you men are no different from us in the fact that its just has hard for them to face rejection as us. So why not help a guy out and share the load?
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5/12/2006 10:20 am |
Oh, such wisdom! You go, Girl! Couldn't have said it better myself!  I know if you had gotten here first I would be just agreeing with your always sound advice
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5/12/2006 11:33 pm |
May I ask how you arrived at that conclusion? What questions did you ask of the young lady? Did you ask how often she helped with laundry and groceries? Is it all the time, or was it just the once? Any woman that spends 90% of her time with a guy is obviously interested in him, and is looking for tips on how to get her point across to him, and to understanding him. Did you take that into consideration? No, you dragged out your pulpit and went to man-bashing. Only one question for you: What would have been the LORD'S response to her question? -Danny 1. So there is this guy that I have started spending like 90% of my time with and he is NOT my boyfriend. ....She has invested her time -90% of it to get to know this man. She has made herself available to let him know she is most definitely interested in him and more...90% that's a person's life. If he has not got the message that she is interested he must be dead or in denial. 2.Any woman that spends 90% of her time with a guy is obviously interested in him, and is looking for tips on how to get her point across to him, and to understanding him....as I said he must be dead or in denial! Come on.. any woman or man on Bigchurch knows when someone gives 90% of their valuable time they are interested...they are a walking red, blue, purple, green,...etc flag shinning bright shouting "I'm Interested IN You". She is putting his food and clothing away can her point be any clearer! 3."he is NOT my boyfriend". His words, I swear. So what do I call him when I introduce him to people, "Hey guys this is bobbie, my not-boyfriend?"....This is were women think different then men to some degree. Many woman feel that giving their valuable time making themselves available to a man and he receives that come to the conclusion this is an exclusive relationship and they are the girlfriend. I mean this is not high school were little girls and boys need to directly ask will you be my boyfriend or girlfriend. Even some men will come to the conclusion they are in an exclusive relationship with a women they are giving 90% of their valuable time to. In their mines she is their woman. But the difference in this relationship is the guy has stated clearly he is not her boyfriend regardless of how much time they spend together, how much time she gives of her life or how much she does for him. One could draw a conclusion the that guy just got out of a serious relationship and doesn't want to go down that road again, one could conclude he is hurt and got burned in the last relationship, one could conclude he just wants to be friends and nothing more. Whatever the reason for him saying I am "Not your boyfriend" but is willing to receive all the french benefits with having a woman in his life give 90% of her time, put away his groceries and clothes is just using a woman. That is not right and especially if she is a Sister in Christ. Just her asking how she should introduce the guy is a clear indication she wants more and has on a level assumed he is the boyfriend because of the amount of time they spend together and she has a freedom to do very personal things within his home. Good friends need not explain they are not the girlfriend or boyfriend. The brother had to declare he is not the boyfriend because he either saw the sister was assuming he was or he didn't want her to assume he was. Either way he has declare he does not want a romantic relationship with her but he is not against a pretend marriage with french benefits. That's called "Using" which is this case it is "Lying". An Lying is a deceptive device the enemy uses to kill, steal and destroy. The sister has already given to much time, energy and her emotions to a pretend relationship. All that could be saved up for her real husband the Lord has for her. A real man who will have no problems being called the boyfriend aka the fiancee aka the husband someday if that is what he wants. It is just not wise for anyone to be in a relationship knowingly knowing that the other person does not want you as their boyfriend or girlfriend but doesn't not mind you giving 90% of your life to them and knowing you want them as boyfriend or girlfriend. 4.I mean really, when you go back to his house and help him put away his groceries and his clothes, when is the line drawn between friend and boyfriend?.....In this statement it is very clear that boundary lines have not been set up to were you can see a clear line between friend and boyfriend.. as I said one must have boundaries set up already before going to deep into a relationship. For the experience man or woman they most likely will have clear cut boundaries. For the inexperience man or woman they need wise counsel. Titus2:1-8 But as for you , speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their won husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Like, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you. We all have the responsibility to teach and live by example before our younger brethren. The only guy that I spend 90% of my time with and put away groceries and clothes for is my teen son. I no longer give 90% of my time nor put away groceries and clothes for a man who tells me he is not my boyfriend been there done that. 5.Did you take that into consideration? No, you dragged out your pulpit and went to man-bashing. Only one question for you: What would have been the LORD'S response to her question?....The Lord's response..."Go and sin no more". You don't need sex to play house and use someone as a pretend wife or husband. There are other ways to emotionally involve someone without commitment. Lying is a sin. Lying is deception and they are both at work here in the lives of this two people and as long as each one is playing with it as fire they will both get burned. Some others as I have seen responded in their own unique and loving way. I prayed before I spoke. Looked up the scripture the Holy Spirit gave to my spirit and responded in my own unique way. That is all I can do. It is up to Vllygirl to test the spirits with each response against the word of God. More then anything I pray Vllygirl you do what is best for you and your future mate who every he may be by making sound and wise choices now. Your future marriage will be the better for the choices you make now. Blessings Israel
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5/12/2006 11:37 pm |
So that all know, the above questions were directed at Artistic Lady. Not that I am by ANY MEANS anything but just a no-good sinful man, I do make the attempt to bring peace and joy to my fellow believers. You will note that I asked ValleyGirl how SHE felt about the young man, although the inference can be drawn from the amount of time she spends with him. Valley Girl, the ladies may be right, and the young man may be taking advantage of you. On the other hand, he may be afraid to call something more than what it is, on the fear of you turning away from him. I have had female friends that did NICE things for me, and I must admit that I had feelings for them, yet NEVER SAID A WORD, because women tend to disappear when a guy they're not interested in shows interest in them. ALL MEN ARE AWARE OF THIS! Your best bet is to make your feelings in the matter plain to him. If he doesn't share them, it is definitely in your best interest to pull out of a relationship where you are being used. If He DOES share your feelings, and was afraid to say something until he received a clear sign from you, then you will have won what you were after. It would be a shame to throw away something that could be good, based on someone else's opinion, especially when that someone else is not in possession of all the facts. May Jesus guide you in this, and may the desires of your heart be granted, according to HIS perfect will... -Danny Milligan
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Hey, you look like a lovely lady, you know be thankful this guy has told u straight up he is not your boyfriend.. I have a feeling men do not lie about that. Give him credit for being honest.. Some men might string a beautiful girl like you along! I think though to save your heart an unnecessary dent or bruise move gracefully out of there.. if you cant do in on your own.. get a hobby, evening class, take up tennis, whatever, to fill your time with fun things (eg our church had scottish country dancing lessons!) and who knows maybe you'll meet new men, anyway consider also he may change his mind once he misses you a bit.. (but by then u might have moved on and someone else is in your life...) so either way win win.. Just some girlie thoughts. Love Cath (¯`•♥•´¯) ¤`•.♥.•´ ¤ (¯`•♥•´¯)
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