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Rules of Engagement for Arguments
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As most of you know, I got married recently. Ed is the best! I am so thankful that the Lord gave me a man who is more than could have hoped or dreamed of asking the Lord for. Even though Ed and I are perfect for each other, we are each far from perfect. We have had a couple sessions of intense fellowship already. I must say that I am surprised that it hasn't been more with our whirlwind courtship and then the stress of all we have been through in the last few weeks. (For details, see my previous posts.) Anyway, our times of intense fellowship have reminded me that there are Rules of Engagement when it comes to having a disagreement with your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, friends, family, etc. I would like to mention a few of them. If you have more to add, I would love to hear them! 1. Don't ever, ever call the other person names! The argument may be over quickly, but those names will stay in the other person's heart, even if you didn't mean them. 2. Stick to the subject at hand. Don't bring other issues into the argument. 3. Never bring up past issues! 4. Always be quick to ask forgiveness for anything that you have done wrong. 5. Always be quick to ask forgiveness for how you made the other person feel, even if you didn't mean to make them feel that way. 6. Pray together as soon as possible, to allow the Holy Spirit to mend the hurt feelings. 7. If you hurt the other person in a particular way, try your best never to hurt him or her in the same way again. 8. Allow the Holy Spirit, over the next few days, to help you analyze the argument, to show you what you need to do to improve your relationship so that this argument does not need to be repeated. If legitimate issues were brought up, deal with them and tell the other person that you have dealt with them. If you need to ask the other person's forgiveness, then do it. 9. Always be ready to tell the other person where they were correct. Relationships are not about being a winner over the other person. It is about finding out what is best for the union. Wanting to win is selfishness and will destroy a relationship. Well, those are my thoughts. A couple of things that I really appreciate about Ed and that he appreciates about me are these - we are each quick to ask forgiveness when we do something wrong and we are very careful not to hurt the other in the same way twice. These are awesome traits that the Lord has placed within us, and I would highly recommend that you look for people to be close to in your life with those same traits. I welcome any Rules of Engagement for Arguments that you have found effective in your lives. Disagreements will always arise between people who care deeply for each other. However, there is no reason for either person to walk away from a disagreement feeling personally wounded. If that happens, then there need to be some new Rules drawn up and followed in the future! Just my thoughts... Be blessed! |
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6/3/2006 10:34 pm |
Great post!  Hugs, Sue
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6/3/2006 10:40 pm |
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
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6/4/2006 12:44 pm |
Thanks Jean...good post... Man can make many plans...BUT it is the Lord who will direct his paths....
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6/4/2006 12:57 pm |
Tolerance Prayer God, help me to know that the most lovable quality I can possess is tolerance. It is the vision that enables me to see things from another's viewpoint. It is the generosity that concedes to others the right to their own opinions and their own peculiarities. It is the bigness that enables me to let people be happy in their own way instead of my way.
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6/4/2006 1:33 pm |
Good stuff Jean, Kris.
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6/4/2006 4:37 pm |
Tolerance Prayer God, help me to know that the most lovable quality I can possess is tolerance. It is the vision that enables me to see things from another's viewpoint. It is the generosity that concedes to others the right to their own opinions and their own peculiarities. It is the bigness that enables me to let people be happy in their own way instead of my way.
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6/5/2006 3:53 am |
One more....never go to bed angry. Good post and some excellent advice.  Elizabeth
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6/5/2006 5:59 am |
I have 2 rules to add that we followed: 1. Never use the word divorce. Never speak that word into existance. 2. Never fight in the bedroom. Take "arguments" into another room.
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6/5/2006 11:26 am |
One more....never go to bed angry. Good post and some excellent advice.
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6/5/2006 11:27 am |
I have 2 rules to add that we followed: 1. Never use the word divorce. Never speak that word into existance. 2. Never fight in the bedroom. Take "arguments" into another room.
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6/6/2006 5:55 pm |
This is the first I've heard of your marriage. I'm so happy for you both. Congratulations! Excellent post.
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6/7/2006 4:59 am |
Jean, You are so refreshing ! I love to follow you and Ed's real life love story and God's provisions! Bless His Holy Name! Thank you for being real and opening up your struggles and victories to all of us!..... May His Grace Shine upon both of you!! I know it already has...... Blessings !
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