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Urban_Hermit 70M
318 posts
3/29/2015 4:37 am

In the 'a time to live a time to die' persepective, there's also a time to grieve. However most of us grieve for our 'season.' There's a time then to recover slowly and move on. Sadly for some the grieving process seems to last far longer than it probably should. When I lost my father, and then my best friend many years ago, I fell apart for quite a while. I still grieve for them now and then. I'm losing so many other friends now as well and so rapidly that I'm exceedingly glad that I know the Lord. To suffer grief without knowing His purpose for me would make the pain seem futile and an emotional agony that would be incomprehensible. If pain and grief make us look up and accept Him, then it's not futile but a blessing for eternity. May God bless us all through the hard yards.

Judgement Day will be interesting.


Urban_Hermit 70M
318 posts
3/30/2015 4:29 am

In my first response I ommitted quite a bit of informtion for the sake of brevity but as you've opened up and expanded on your post I will also.

While I was going through the pain of the loss of my father and best friend who were interstate, I was also going through a divorce and had been injured at work as well which over time left me with both shoulders, neck and lower back plus a few other bits giving me pain that became chronic. To top it off the workers did not believe that I had problems, even though the medical evidence was there. Some days I'd walk with a bit of a limp when my back ached badly, other days I'd walk ok when it was not so bad. I got comments like, "He's faking it, he's forgotten to limp." etc. I was always tired as the pain was draining me and I found it hard to work, came home exhausted even if I didnt have a busy day. I was hated by most in the factory and the negativity towards me became very intense, most jumped onto the band wagon of harassment. The union rep who was also a first aid officer knew my medical condition and labelled the abuse problem as, "Wounded bird syndrome" He said as soon as someone was hurt the others would peck them to death......

Even more painful than my father's death was my marriage failing at the same time. My wife went into 'party mode' and frequented night clubs, had many affairs, I tried forgiving her a few times but she didnt care, later we divorced, even though I still loved her. The solicitors and everyone told me that the woman gets the kids. Iwas working full time in a factory, my ex was doing daycare from home. So of course she got the best deal with the house and kept our first home. I moved into another house, the kids helped me move. When we had finished putting my share of the stuff my ex and I negotiated into the other house the kids said to me, "Which are our rooms Daddy?" I burst into tears, they'd chosen me. I couldnt believe it. After moving out I just paid my ex maintenance for a year as all she wanted was the money while I had the kids. I did this to set a precedent. I then stopped paying her, if she took me to court she would have had to explain why she didnt take the kids earlier, she went wild at me, but she could do nothing. At the time our split they were about 10, 8 and 5 years old, 3 girls. It was hard but I had the kids! I'd have gone insane if I didnt have them. I was blessed. Mind you this did not take away the pain of the loss of my wife, for 11 years we had a great marriage, in the 12th year it fell apart. For a long time I looked after the kids in the same manner I coped at work, seemingly impervious on the outside, strong and determined but at night after the kids went to bed I'd curl up in fetal postion and weep bitterly, probably for about 2 years straight, and then intermittant nights after that. I kept dreaming at night that my father was still alive and would talk to him in my dream, wake up and be devastated all over again that it was only a dream, yet these dreams were so real. My mind was refusing to accept he was gone. It was weird.

The kids were my focus and to bring them up as Godly kids was my goal but each one fell through the gap between my ex and I, without expanding on all that. When they hit their teenage years 16, 18, 18, they left, one at a time till I was alone. Each one left with an 'issue' as teenagers often have. Being left alone and having 'empty nest syndrome' I felt I had no purpose, I'd failed. The most important thing in my life had been bringing up my kids, and they all 'went into the world', I felt a total failure, a 'one talent' guy. No fruit. I went on a downhill spiral, drinking alone with the purpose of just shortening my life as quickly as possible. 3 times I leaned towards suicide but something always went wrong and then the courage to do it left me each time.

I started going for coffee with a lovely lady for a few months, but when she got too close I freaked. I wasnt ready, at the time I'd been divorced about 11 years. Poor thing didnt know why I let her go, she was hurt, so I decided to not do that again. I kept drinking until I got pain in the area of both kidneys, the pain would stop me drinking, when the pain left I hit the booze again. You could say I let go of God for a long time, even though I went to church through all of this.

A little over 2 months ago my middle daugther knocked on my door, her life was a mess. Her 6 year realationship with the only partner she'd had was over, there was a house involved, all her life's savings were at stake, they were in heavy debt. She told me she'd been praying. I couldnt believe it. I'd been praying for all my family for years, even the ex and her new husband. And this was the first 'answered prayer' I felt I'd really had that was of consequence. I felt some purpose return, problem was and still is to some degree that my mindset is still programmed for self destruct. I'm in a strange place. I welcome an end to everything, I'm tired of life, so tired of it and yet I'm encouraged a bit to keep going for her. I cant let her down, even though all of me wishes for eternal rest. But this is why I'm clinging to God now, dont know how many years are left and I guess the enemy is trying to shoot me down before my time is over. I'm finding a few more smaller prayers are getting answered. My 88 year old mother visited me from interstate for 10 days, she's never been interested in God, yet I gave her a couple of Bibles on her first day here and she started reading one, she's taken them home as she went back today. That's an answered prayer to a degree, she's never been interested before.

Another thing too I realise, suffering ....... Why do I suffer? To be a better person? Better character? Tribulation produces in me patience? Will I glow more brightly than some others in heaven (if I make it, and very 'I' focused)? These things are only the fringe benefits of suffering. When I realised that my suffering might not be 'for me' or because I am a 'bad person' but it might be for another, it blew my mind. When I took the focus off me and realised that I can now get beside someone else who is in pain, going through a divorce, briinging up kids as a single parent, sit with someone who has lost friends and family .... that's purpose. Jesus suffered for our comfort and He was perfect.

Just recently a lady who lost her brother and 4 friends in one month came to me and we talked, a couple of times we had coffee and talked about it all, we both cried. I pray for her now and then and she knows it. Her husband is unsaved so she could not talk to him about it at the level she needed. She's now on her feet, still grieving but processing it well. I felt purpose ....

Some people are 'fair weather Christians' only believe in God when things are good, turn away when things are bad. That's not your position though. It seems you are going through the hard yards of a long silence. I felt that for years as you have probably gathered. I will pray that God will break through and encourage you, lift you up to face the next phase. Dont let the enemy dissillusion you and shoot you down now. Please dont think I'm 'super Christian' or anything, I still have my days of negative reflections and doubt, log in my own eye if I said I didnt. I'm just one wounded follower trying to encourage another.

Sorry if this is a bit long, I'm hoping to encourage.

God bless.

Judgement Day will be interesting.


Urban_Hermit 70M
318 posts
4/1/2015 2:41 am

Dont feel a need to address my post with a great deal of detail etc. It isnt necessary and could be labourious. Just know this, that someone is praying for your aching heart, that God loves you even if your 'faith mindset' shifts. You are loved without 'an agenda' and I'll top it off with the comment. although out of context with the topic .... "Judgement Day will be interesting." Tc sis.

Judgement Day will be interesting.


Urban_Hermit 70M
318 posts
4/6/2015 5:56 am

Yep, hermitinthecity

Judgement Day will be interesting.