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Saying "I do"  

11/8/2009 1:04 pm
 WHEN YOU SAY I DO

When we say "I do" and enter into the covenant of marriage, DO WE REALLY?
Do we really mean what we promise? Or are we just mouthing words that sound romantic at the time? The marriage vows we exchange with each other is something God does not take lightly. And neither should we. The Bible says, "Let your 'yes' be yes, and your 'no' be no or you will be condemned" (James 5:12). We're also told, "It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later consider his vows" (Proverbs 20:25). God knows we're ALL sinners, and no one can "cast the first stone" without throwing some their own way. We are God's ambassadors representing the bride and Bridegroom to a world that needs to see this living picture lived out in healthy ways. May we do so to the glory of God!

Author H. Dale Burke says something important about marriage vows and how those who marry often look at is as a romantic, "legal" or "religious" formality "to be dispensed with before the party can begin" (and afterward they wake up to reality, rather than a lifelong party). He says, "... maybe they just consider [their vows] to be a part of cultural tradition,
like singing the national anthem before a ball game or saying the pledge of allegiance at the start of a school day. But what SHOULD it mean -- what DOES it mean to say such things to a person in the presence of God?
What does God do during the wedding? Is He, like us, merely a spectator?" I don't think so.

God said through the Bible, something that both men and women should pay attention to, "You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself [which actually means 'his wife'] with violence as well as with his garment,' says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in
your spirit and do not break faith" (Malachi 2:13-16).

God takes marriage and committing violence with words and deeds very seriously. It is a way of breaking faith. (Ephesians 4 and 5 and 1 Peter 3 speaks more on this and the way we should conduct ourselves in our marriages so that we live with each other in an "understanding way."

We read of one pastor who recommends to everyone he marries that they write out their wedding vows, frame them and put them up somewhere in their home so they can periodically review them as a reminder of what they promised each other. What an outstanding idea because so often we forget what we promise each other on our wedding day -- kind of like the man "who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and
immediately forgets" (James 1:23-24).

H. Dale Burke, in his book, "Different by Design" (published by Moody Press) gives insight on this when he wrote, "I'll never forget the couple who showed up in my office weekly trying to patch up their marriage which, while in trouble, had incurred no damage that was beyond repair. ... This was just two Christians who hadn't learned to think 'we' instead of 'me.'
They had never been taught to value and respect one another or nurture their love.

"Tragically, the biggest obstacle standing between them and reconciliation was Christian friends who kept fueling their frustrations and counseling them to give up. The very group of people who should have been cheering their efforts to save the marriage was sabotaging the rescue mission.

"At least one part of this couple's problem was rooted in a misunderstanding of what marriage is all about. They, like most newlyweds today, saw marriage as a contract, which, according to my dictionary, is a 'binding agreement.' At the heart of every contract is a set of conditions or promises -- the 'deal.' The deal is, you do this for me and I'll do that for you. A contract lays out what 'this' and 'that' consists of. It also has an escape clause; either stated or implied, which says that if you fail to do 'this,' then I can stop doing 'that.' And in recent times, quite frankly, many people don't feel that their contracts mean much of anything. All I need to justify breaking one is to say I'm not happy with the deal.

"This flexible concept of contracts is how many people now view marriage. 'If my marriage is an ordeal,' they say, ''I'll opt out and look for a better deal somewhere else.' This is the unspoken amendment many people attach to their spoken vows of matrimony. Men and women differ in a lot of ways when it comes to what they bring to the marriage relationship, but this is a weakness they both share. Thousands of husbands and wives
exercise this escape clause every year.

"A question worth asking, then, if words have meaning and we desire to be responsible with our wedding vows, is the same abbreviated on so many bracelets and other items in recent years: What would Jesus do? Or better yet, what would Jesus declare about marriage, divorce, and the meaning behind those vows so often heard at weddings?"

You can read what Jesus said in Matthew 19 and you can understand more as you read through what the Bible says about relationships. Saying "I do" is the easy part, living it isn't. Through it all, please know that "Marriage can be wonderful. It can be deeply satisfying and mutually fulfilling. But IF it becomes that, it is because BOTH partners have paid a very high price over many years to make it that way. They will have died to selfishness a thousand times. They will have had countless difficult conversations. They will have endured sleepless nights and strained days. The will have prayed hundreds of prayers for wisdom and courage and understanding. They will have said, 'I'm sorry' too many times to remember. They will have been stretched to the breaking point often enough to have learned that, unless Christ is at the center of both their lives, the odds for achieving marital satisfaction are very, very low" (Bill and
Lynne Hybels).

It's a tough mission, but with God's help, all things are possible. We pray as you look to the Lord, He will help your marriage to be one that reflects the heart of Christ.

*unquote*
Foraseason
120 posts 

11/9/2009 5:12 am

 A very good post froots.
Everything that seems to be 'popping up' so to speak right now
seems to be to do with keeping oaths/vows.

Yesterday....this little note I had fell out of my Bible as I picked it up.....

There is power in a vow!

"Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the Most High: And call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify Me."

(Psalm 50)

frootz
82 posts 

11/13/2009 10:12 am

 There is definitely power in a vow. Its one of the most beautiful sacred things that exist. It has at the core, the TRUTH.
God calls us to speak simply and truthfully.
When we say "Yes" we should stick to it, the same with a "No".
When we commit our lives to Christ, we pledge to live a certain way of life that revolves around goodness, kindness and love.
My first boyfriend, when we met (he was my swimming coach at university, a student busy with his B.Compt (Hons) he said to me, 'meet me tomorrow at 7.30 am when the pool is empty' and i said 'ok' he said, 'is it a promise' I said 'no' its a simple 'yes'. His face fell. I said to him again 'I said I'll be here' but he didn't look hopeful and he simply said 'people who don't promise normally tend to change their minds afterwards'. I took the advice from proverbs (to reply with silence).
The next morning i was there at the pool a few minutes before him. His face lit up, he laughed/smiled and said "wow, others make promises and don't keep it, you didnt promise you'd come and yet, you're here". We were friends for life even after we broke up and then until death set in (obviously not on my part, my dearly beloved friend is at rest).
A vow is as simple as a truthful statement, people think its 'easier' to give a non-committal answer, a MAYBE or keeping people on a string...but that is a road that is long, winding and one that chases after the wind. The road that leads to God lies in simple truths.
Be blessed,
Dalene x

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