Copyright © 1996-2009 Global Alphabet, Inc. All rights reserved.
BigchurchSM and Big ChurchSM are service marks of Global Alphabet, Inc.
BigchurchSM and Big ChurchSM are service marks of Global Alphabet, Inc.
 | Blogs > JustMe506 > ...Undercurrents > What I learned from the Exes that dumped me |
What I learned from the Exes that dumped me
|
That's the title of an audio cd someone mentioned at another dating site. Thought it'd be a good topic of conversation. I've learned that dignified honesty, even when it hurts, is really important to me. It gives me the ability to make choices. When I'm lied to, I can't get enough information to stay or break up. I've also learned that you can be friends with your ex if you had a good friendship before. One such friendship is now in it's 27th year!  So, what have YOU learned from your exes? |
||
10/11/2009 11:14 pm |
Thanks for your input, ruggedntender. For me, if I've only been duped once at 41, then either I'm doing something right, or I'm not trying hard enough!! Yeah, Drake's a hoot about the shaving and most things. His situation is more that he wants a woman to feel at ease. :LOL: His favorite phrase is ".....and THAT's alright!!" I guess with my friend, Drake, he's been honest with me about the other important women in his life. As a result, I trust him more. He says he has a different friendship with each one of us. Since none of us are the same person, none of us are compared with each other. I really don't feel jealous of the other women. I don't feel they're taking something from me. (..And you know, the most amazing thing with all these women who love Drake is that he looks like more like Gandolf than Brad Pitt, and he's poorer than anything. There goes that stereotype about women!!!) I know what Drake means about different women with different relationships in his life because I have something similar. Any man I'd be with, I'd really appreciate his acceptance of all the men in my life. Many feel like brothers. Others are more than phileo, but not quite eros, whether due to marriage or other boundaries. So, may I ask a personal question, ruggedntender? What's the biggest reason you chose the women you did? Stuff like even if they ex wanted at times loading kids in back of a Van and we would end up on the coast from Denver at some point on Saturday.. stuff like that or way more. Just lived life lots of life. I am a believe choice is somewhat in the eyes.. in the kiss.. in the click.. in the chemistry.. in the trust, yes of course of each other, but the trust in God says he blesses marriage and my idea much of the time He just wants us to choose.. It says he who finds a wife finds a good thing.. Not that all things of meetings are marriage or who knows, but we are talking marriage here as does MOST women in some way on this site.. MOST talk of NO marriage even though they are not seeing it that way, but that is way side tracked.. LOL Bottom line is my first wife was at the airport when I flew home from Vietnam.. My Mom and her Grandma had decided she an I should write when I was in Nam and we had shared a couple three letters. We got married a couple months later. My second was sitting on my door step saying she was there to marry me when I got home from work even though we had hardly ever known each other and she had been out of state living with her mother for a couple years but had known me from years before when her Dad an I worked together. Why did I marry them.. sure was not that they were the only ones I was meeting or maybe going out with.. if I did much of going out compared to others terms.. Maybe it would be better if we ask why they married me. LOL .. Poooor women.. I think without a doubt it was in the eyes for both of us .. In the case of my first and I, both of us had given God the right to bring our right one into our lives when the time was right or all the other things one does in the church often. I have often discussed if I chose or if we all felt in some way God had chosen or all the things one can bat around. Takes a lot of years to ponder guidance seems to me and it may well be some of the most misunderstood part of the walk.. Not that I got it down, but I sure think on it a lot different in the different stages of growth, maturity or as life went on. Bottom line is.. give it 15 seconds to look in the eyes a lot of times, that shows a lot.. take the next bit locked in the kiss if there is enough in the eyes for a kiss.. if not, possibly walk away or sure discuss the two of you are NOT for each other and you might talk if both agree to never build on each other or any of a lot of other things. Again, I am sure I think a lot different on this than most, so try to not get into much of a spitting match with any. If God be God, He is for us, not against us.. one of the best things is learning to rest in the Lord instead of being so full of double mindedness that we almost get Him confused. Often He wants us to make a choice and to bless us as we are given free will and are created able to choose. NOW, that does NOT in any way say we should NOT use common sense as way tooo often we are not at all compatible and way tooo often one or the other is going or wanting to reject God and of course making the unequally yoked or more.. of course saved people can be unequally yoked also seems to me. I in NO way ever want to advocate a person accept any one unless they are saved, so don't think I am saying that. Just way tooo much to cover seems when one gets into a discussion at this site so as to not make people throw stones figuring we are way heathen.
| ||
10/11/2009 7:05 pm |
Thanks for your input, ruggedntender. For me, if I've only been duped once at 41, then either I'm doing something right, or I'm not trying hard enough!! Yeah, Drake's a hoot about the shaving and most things. His situation is more that he wants a woman to feel at ease. :LOL: His favorite phrase is ".....and THAT's alright!!" I guess with my friend, Drake, he's been honest with me about the other important women in his life. As a result, I trust him more. He says he has a different friendship with each one of us. Since none of us are the same person, none of us are compared with each other. I really don't feel jealous of the other women. I don't feel they're taking something from me. (..And you know, the most amazing thing with all these women who love Drake is that he looks like more like Gandolf than Brad Pitt, and he's poorer than anything. There goes that stereotype about women!!!) I know what Drake means about different women with different relationships in his life because I have something similar. Any man I'd be with, I'd really appreciate his acceptance of all the men in my life. Many feel like brothers. Others are more than phileo, but not quite eros, whether due to marriage or other boundaries. So, may I ask a personal question, ruggedntender? What's the biggest reason you chose the women you did?
| ||
10/10/2009 10:57 pm |
I have had two exes, the first I was married to 16 years and we had a great Christan divorce.. well I guess you could call it that.. LOL My second I was with 18 years and we got together when she was very young so we had discussed that some time she might feel she had NOT had a life and I was getting toooo old for her.. At that time I said I would want her to go find herself.. well finally that day seemed to happen. Of course when a woman reaches her mid thirties it seems they go though the OMG they are loosing their life and getting older crazy times.. or so it seems that way to me from what I have seen and talked to. My first was a number of years older than I and the second was 18 years younger. I am sure BOTH wanted to help me grow up no matter what our age difference.. well, that will never happen. LOL I will of course say I learned a lot.. I feel we should be learning everyday if possible, and of course in a marriage we should never loose sight of learning and growing together into best friends... NO, I don't believe we are much for friends until we are married, but then that is a lot of definition of words and their meaning to each of us so we can talk on the same page. Even though I do not talk to either ex... email every few months on stuff of my boys with their Mom since I am a single Dad.. I try to keep her up to date if there are things she needs to know. At times my first ex might be mentioned with my daughter when we talk or mail, but seldom. BUT I would consider them friends and either of us would know if we had to have something we could talk even though it has been years since we have talked.. You are correct.. we have to have the truth.. we have to be able to discuss anything with openness no matter how uncomfortable.. we have to have safety knowing we want the best for each other as though we are half of each other making our coupleness a whole. I was fortunate to have or grow into a form of that, but also there came a point we had grown or wanted to go or grow in different ways or had maybe grown at a different rate. Of course I am more or less the type that wants to be tied at the hip.. and sure some of it might well be my insecurities or who knows what, but that is what perhaps I might even want more now than even in past times of my life. I have learned what it is to love like NO tomorrow and will accept nothing less and wish to be loved back that same way and with that same intensity.. YES to live an intense life but with little or NO drama. I also see that you mentioned shaving legs and that is not an age thing I don't think, but instead a love of hair.. sure it is great to shave the legs at times needed, but just NOT tooo high up as hair is the best of life. Dark beautiful hair.. well, I guess I should NOT go there. I have learned that I love hair, love long hair and for the most part a bit of straight hair or at times not a lot of fuss and muss. Bottom line is I have learned and for the most part tried to always have a very full communicative relationship even though at times it means we have to discuss if we are not willing or going the same way and have need to part. If we talk and at times discuss even from about the first mail or call, and for sure as we get to considering each other.. yes and of course even more and more as we get together we have a chance.. Yes I also believe we pray together, praise together as well as enjoy all about each other together... Hand in hand, arm to arm from kiss to kiss while walking or staggering along just becoming a couple so in love.
| ||
10/7/2009 9:38 pm |
:LOL: There's a reason they're gone! I'm kind of odd this way in that I respect nearly all of them. Nearly all were good men. With the current ex I allowed myself to be duped. However, he did a lot of duping, which is to his detriment and why, although there were okay moments, I don't want that type of character back in my life. With a different ex, Bruce the farmer, I still deeply respect how he kept trying until he found someone. From him, I learned not to be so scared of rejection and to keep trying.
| ||
10/7/2009 8:54 pm |
That by no means, and I mean by NO MEANS will I put up with their BULLCRAP! lol... oh wait, what did I LEARN from the exes, I learned that they are just OVERSIZED babies that expect TOOOOO much and GIVE toooooo little.... Rom. 5:8 while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
