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PEEVED!
6/22/2009 3:44 pm |
I attended church service yesterday, Father's Day, with my ex. We have been attending a church we both used to be very involved with for many years for the past few months. I can't say anything to my local friends because it might become a 'problem' but I know I can vent here - none of you know the church I attend, nor the pastors or even my real name. So, here it is: The sermon was about WIVES and how if they aren't their husbands' cheerleaders, then HE's not going to be the man that he's supposed to be in the home. Yep. Women got blamed for their men that are slouches. We got blamed for the ones that didn't get involved with raising the kids, making decisions, leading them all to church, etc. I was married 20 years. At year 3 my husband got saved. We began attending and learning and growing in the Lord. But he never did lead the family in worship, take control of the home as he should have...I did it all. I was the one to have morning devotions, (which he read when I asked him to), I planned our family vacations around Christian themes (for the most part), I home-schooled, etc. You understand, I think. I don't need to lay it all out. After 7 years of hoping he'd 'get it' and take the lead, I realized he wasn't going to. I'd prayed, talked, gone to Christian marriage counseling, trusted the Lord to change him, but it never did happen. Eventually, we drifted away from the Lord and I got a divorce. Now, we are a few months back in our church and I hear that it was MY fault that my marriage failed? I left there practically spitting nails. I don't think I can ever go back to this sexist, discouraging, manipulating stenchole of a church again. And now, I realize folks, I need to pray this one through, UNTIL. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life 
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6/27/2009 11:13 am |
well sister,i know you must be upset,and it is only natural that you get upset at this. God does call the man to be the spiritual leader. but truth be told this does not always happen. also,in my opinion,a marriage is truly a complex agreement. it takes effort,alot of effort,from both husband and wife. it takes chemistry,and alot of it. you could have been the best cheerleader,and still have gotten divorced. the way i see it,our relationship with God is a very personal covenant between the individual and God. and a marriage has alot to do with God,yes,but ultimately the marriage has much more to do with the relation ship between the husband and wife. there must be a strong love,and there must be a very strong infatuation between husband and wife. if that is not there,than spirituality,many times, simply will not save the marriage. i have seen marriages flourish,that had "ZERO",spirituality. and i have seen marriages fail, that had "TONS" of spirituality. spirituality helps,that i am sure of,but the husband and wife,ultimately need to have a "crush" on each other to truly survive the long journey of marriage. so,no,your cheer leading skills had nothing to do with your divorce,so please do not blame yourself,and don't allow others to blame you either. blessings to you!  The father/daughter relationship would have similar ramifications for the wife's side of a healthy marriage. I would suggest that you go back and look at all the marriages that seemed to have lots of infatuation. If you investigated I'm guessing you'll find sons that did not have abusive or neglecting moms. [In their youth; men should separate from their moms when they are adults!]
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 6/24/2009 3:03 am |
Hi Donna!  So many speak out of ignorance, as you can see by some of your comments. We're called to forgive and pray. Don't hold on to the offense, it will only hurt you. Joyce Meyer says that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy dies. For your sake, forgive and find yourself another church. BTW, I love John Hagee! God bless you girlfriend!  I wish I lived in San Antonio! Hugs! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 3:00 am |
I hope he watches John Hagee. Sorry you got hurt like that. I think I would ask the pastor when he was going to preach on MEN next. Seriously. Hugs to you, sista! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:58 am |
Donna, I'm thinking there will be enough unhappy women and wrong thinking from the men to make the pastor rethink his sermon. Listen for the next couple of weeks, and see where his heart is on this. Our words aren't irreversible. Give him a chance to create the balance.  Yes, I think the same thing...I'm hoping he gets a lot of feedback from Sunday - there was much more about his sermon I didn't share with you all - he was EXTREMELY silly that day - ridiculous even. I will see how he is on Thursday night bible study and this coming Sunday. I will 'give him a chance to create the balance'. I LOVE how you use words! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:57 am |
What does scripture say? Wives submit, husbands love...it's a two-way street. Pastors can err, they're human. If you're angry, definitely talk to him, but without heat on it! I may talk to the Pastor, but I probably won't. We'll see if the opportunity presents itself. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:55 am |
Hey Lovebug. I'm so sorry. That must've really hurt. You're in my prayers. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:54 am |
P.S. Lovebug, something I found out last night and all of us who are curious, you can google your or other's user names. It's very easy to make incorrect assumptions, but it might help if you want to learn more about the person with whom you're corresponding, what sites they're a part of, and more. In my case, though, there's a Dell Ispirion question that didn't come from me...that I remember.  Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:52 am |
well sister,i know you must be upset,and it is only natural that you get upset at this. God does call the man to be the spiritual leader. but truth be told this does not always happen. also,in my opinion,a marriage is truly a complex agreement. it takes effort,alot of effort,from both husband and wife. it takes chemistry,and alot of it. you could have been the best cheerleader,and still have gotten divorced. the way i see it,our relationship with God is a very personal covenant between the individual and God. and a marriage has alot to do with God,yes,but ultimately the marriage has much more to do with the relation ship between the husband and wife. there must be a strong love,and there must be a very strong infatuation between husband and wife. if that is not there,than spirituality,many times, simply will not save the marriage. i have seen marriages flourish,that had "ZERO",spirituality. and i have seen marriages fail, that had "TONS" of spirituality. spirituality helps,that i am sure of,but the husband and wife,ultimately need to have a "crush" on each other to truly survive the long journey of marriage. so,no,your cheer leading skills had nothing to do with your divorce,so please do not blame yourself,and don't allow others to blame you either. blessings to you! Oh well. Thanks again - your words were kind, and appreciated during this very raw emotional time for me. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:47 am |
Hello my dear sister, Please consider talking to the pastor alone about how you felt after his sermon. Keep holding onto your faith because that is all that matters. These 'other' relationships are a means to help us learn how to be more Christ like. Look at your ex as Christ does and it will be much easier to see past his failures. It sounds like you are still a bit hurt over his lack of being a leader. You are right, he may never be one. So why are you with him now then? You are a lovely lady and I hope that we talk further. Blessings in the love of Christ, Pamela Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/24/2009 2:44 am |
 "for better or worse, etc etc etc..." So how do we get around that vow? Just forget it and break it. Simple. God forgives broken vows too. Or Does He? Seems the pastor was reminding you of something you'd rather not hear... Ya made yer vow to GOD- to BE a mate- not a judge and jury... Happens a lot doesn't it? We break a lot of vows... and we try to justify it- with more sins. Never ending cycle of sin... and we wonder why "godly" people are so phony... can't help wondering... what hit ya so hard about the sermon? seeing yourself as "guilty as charged"... or justifying your reaction by judging- before understanding... ya needed TRUTH- not "justification to bash the preacher"... Proverbs 31... I wonder what that stuff shows us.... Are most "Christians" following God... or someone else...? Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/23/2009 5:44 pm |
P.S. Lovebug, something I found out last night and all of us who are curious, you can google your or other's user names. It's very easy to make incorrect assumptions, but it might help if you want to learn more about the person with whom you're corresponding, what sites they're a part of, and more. In my case, though, there's a Dell Ispirion question that didn't come from me...that I remember.
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6/23/2009 5:23 pm |
Hey Lovebug. I'm so sorry. That must've really hurt. You're in my prayers.
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6/23/2009 4:12 pm |
What does scripture say? Wives submit, husbands love...it's a two-way street. Pastors can err, they're human. If you're angry, definitely talk to him, but without heat on it! 
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6/23/2009 9:37 am |
Donna, I'm thinking there will be enough unhappy women and wrong thinking from the men to make the pastor rethink his sermon. Listen for the next couple of weeks, and see where his heart is on this. Our words aren't irreversible. Give him a chance to create the balance.
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6/23/2009 9:34 am |
I hope he watches John Hagee. Sorry you got hurt like that. I think I would ask the pastor when he was going to preach on MEN next. Seriously. "There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still" Corrie Tenboom
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6/23/2009 5:31 am |
Hi Donna! So many speak out of ignorance, as you can see by some of your comments. We're called to forgive and pray. Don't hold on to the offense, it will only hurt you. Joyce Meyer says that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy dies. For your sake, forgive and find yourself another church. BTW, I love John Hagee! God bless you girlfriend! NOTHING that happens, happens for NOTHING I Am Truly Blessed By Each Of You Here At BC, Yes, Even You!!! What's In YOUR Past? Hey BigChurch! We're Back From Our Honeymoon! Does God REALLY Promise Not To Allow More Than We Can Bear? New Members at BigChurch, WATCH OUT!!!
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6/23/2009 3:29 am |
I'm not sure what your minister meant by what he said, but this is my take on it... I firmly believe that a man NEEDS his wife's support, encouagement and respect.. if he dosn't have this he will not be able to take his place as the head of the family.. .. now a woman CAN be all this to a man and he still not be the leader he should be.. but its not HER FAULT... she did what what she suppose to do, but he didn't/or won't.. ...and Donna it seems to me that you were all that as a wife... so don't take offence to what the misister said.. know that you are the godly woman that God has asked you to be.... keep your ex in your prayers(I know you do) you have done all what you can... Thanks, my friend, for your comforting words. They truly are appreciated. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/23/2009 3:26 am |
Well women pick those type of guys. Look at all the wrong things people do. If women would stop picking these successful but yet unproductive guys, maybe we would STOP their EVIL SUCCESS which means they have lifestyles that don't include God. You see, if you women would stop associating with guys you don't really know, and stop committing to guys whose brains are half there, mabye the bad types wouldn't be on pulpits or eligible for dates. And it goes to the reverse substituing women to in the place of man. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/23/2009 3:23 am |
I see that you're upset  . Really Father's Day is "his" day. They had to preach on something to make him the champion of the day. When there aren't any special days to preach about, most pastors get it. If the WOMAN is to succed in her walk, she needs her MAN on board, or he can cripple her walk, since she is to submit to his leading, and our society largely honors men.I don't get the man bit. Technically speaking, the man is the stronger vessel and the woman is the weaker, so it's his responsibility to be the good leader, which is basically what the pastor said. What I do know is that you should be mutually building each other up, and giving support where the other is lacking faith or encouragement. It's not fair to blame the woman. It takes two to make a marriage, and you can't "make" a man do anything. The whole world's been telling me that every time I ask someone to help with my husband. I believe the man is the stronger vessel, and Steve is a big ox of a guy; very physically strong. He can pick up a boiler and move it from one side of a basement to another. (He is an installer of HVAC equipment). I believe the strength of character is probably what we are talking about here...and Steve has not been a man that I can admire and respect in this area. I needed him (so badly) to be the leader in our home...but when he wouldn't, I had to. The pastor on Sunday did say it was his position in the family, but that the wives needed to be their cheerleaders so that they could reach their potential in the home. I was his biggest fan. I did those things. When I 'caught him' doing something right, I praised him. If he was tender with a child, I praised him. When he demonstrated love to me, I thanked and praised him. Still, we failed as a couple. And I'm extremely raw and sensitive about it. I know in my heart how much I tried, and I haven't heard Steve as yet take ownership of his part. He thinks that I thought "the grass was greener". Duh. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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6/22/2009 10:53 pm |
I see that you're upset . Really Father's Day is "his" day. They had to preach on something to make him the champion of the day. When there aren't any special days to preach about, most pastors get it. If the WOMAN is to succed in her walk, she needs her MAN on board, or he can cripple her walk, since she is to submit to his leading, and our society largely honors men. I don't get the man bit. Technically speaking, the man is the stronger vessel and the woman is the weaker, so it's his responsibility to be the good leader, which is basically what the pastor said. What I do know is that you should be mutually building each other up, and giving support where the other is lacking faith or encouragement. It's not fair to blame the woman. It takes two to make a marriage, and you can't "make" a man do anything. The whole world's been telling me that every time I ask someone to help with my husband.
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6/22/2009 9:17 pm |
Well women pick those type of guys. Look at all the wrong things people do. If women would stop picking these successful but yet unproductive guys, maybe we would STOP their EVIL SUCCESS which means they have lifestyles that don't include God. You see, if you women would stop associating with guys you don't really know, and stop committing to guys whose brains are half there, mabye the bad types wouldn't be on pulpits or eligible for dates. And it goes to the reverse substituing women to in the place of man.
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6/22/2009 8:50 pm |
I'm not sure what your minister meant by what he said, but this is my take on it... I firmly believe that a man NEEDS his wife's support, encouagement and respect.. if he dosn't have this he will not be able to take his place as the head of the family.. .. now a woman CAN be all this to a man and he still not be the leader he should be.. but its not HER FAULT... she did what what she suppose to do, but he didn't/or won't.. ...and Donna it seems to me that you were all that as a wife... so don't take offence to what the misister said.. know that you are the godly woman that God has asked you to be.... keep your ex in your prayers(I know you do) you have done all what you can... Banana and toothbrushes... Oh no not again... lol Life is too short so Lighten Up a bit...
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6/22/2009 8:16 pm |
"for better or worse, etc etc etc..." So how do we get around that vow? Just forget it and break it. Simple. God forgives broken vows too. Or Does He? Seems the pastor was reminding you of something you'd rather not hear... Ya made yer vow to GOD- to BE a mate- not a judge and jury... Happens a lot doesn't it? We break a lot of vows... and we try to justify it- with more sins. Never ending cycle of sin... and we wonder why "godly" people are so phony... can't help wondering... what hit ya so hard about the sermon? seeing yourself as "guilty as charged"... or justifying your reaction by judging- before understanding... ya needed TRUTH- not "justification to bash the preacher"... Proverbs 31... I wonder what that stuff shows us.... Are most "Christians" following God... or someone else...? Addendum to "losing my faith"...
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6/22/2009 6:26 pm |
Hello my dear sister, Please consider talking to the pastor alone about how you felt after his sermon. Keep holding onto your faith because that is all that matters. These 'other' relationships are a means to help us learn how to be more Christ like. Look at your ex as Christ does and it will be much easier to see past his failures. It sounds like you are still a bit hurt over his lack of being a leader. You are right, he may never be one. So why are you with him now then? You are a lovely lady and I hope that we talk further. Blessings in the love of Christ, Pamela
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6/22/2009 6:17 pm |
well sister,i know you must be upset,and it is only natural that you get upset at this. God does call the man to be the spiritual leader. but truth be told this does not always happen. also,in my opinion,a marriage is truly a complex agreement. it takes effort,alot of effort,from both husband and wife. it takes chemistry,and alot of it. you could have been the best cheerleader,and still have gotten divorced. the way i see it,our relationship with God is a very personal covenant between the individual and God. and a marriage has alot to do with God,yes,but ultimately the marriage has much more to do with the relation ship between the husband and wife. there must be a strong love,and there must be a very strong infatuation between husband and wife. if that is not there,than spirituality,many times, simply will not save the marriage. i have seen marriages flourish,that had "ZERO",spirituality. and i have seen marriages fail, that had "TONS" of spirituality. spirituality helps,that i am sure of,but the husband and wife,ultimately need to have a "crush" on each other to truly survive the long journey of marriage. so,no,your cheer leading skills had nothing to do with your divorce,so please do not blame yourself,and don't allow others to blame you either. blessings to you!
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