 | Blogs > jessiemomof2 > Chosing a stepdad for my kids > Chosing a stepdad for my kids |
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I am a recently divorced (well still going through it)and I have 2 children by this man. We have continued this viscous cycle of on again... off again for the past 4 years. It is ridiculous. So in O October of 07 I married him hoping God would look at the commitment we finally made to each other and give us closure to all of the hurtful things we had done to each other through out the years. Well I do believe in miracles but it did not happen over night, actually it did not happen at all. I got in my Bible and realized we needed to grow spiritually, and that did not happen either. So 3 months after we got married we decided to split for, I dint know, the 5th or 6th time in 3 years. I felt like such a failure this time. Well I ran into a man and we got pretty serious pretty fast. He is great with my kids and he really wants to be in our lives forever. He is amazing and I feel guilty. Kinda like I am cheating on the father of my children. I am having a hard time accepting all the wonderful things he has to offer because I still think I should make it work with their dad. ALL THE TIME! My new man is everything I ever wanted in a partner and I do love him. A couple days ago I told him that I wanted to end our relationship because I felt the need to "MAKE IT WORK" with the father of my children for the 7th time in 3 years. He cried and told me that God had sent him in my life and told him the things we needed with one being that I needed someone to grow with spiritually.He also reminded me of the carbon copy of a lifestyle I have lived and will continue to live for the rest of my life if I dont stop beating myself up for my failures. Well now he feels like the failure. I honestly do not have one reason to let him go other than going back to the father of my kids and a life I wanted out of every day I was in it, but I feel that is where I belong. I cant continue to do this to my kids. It is selfish but I am so confused. Why would God give me children for another man (not their dad) to raise them. I really want to have that perfect family for my kids. Mommy, Daddy, kids. I want that and my mind is set to that but I know it will never be. So why cant I accept this wonderful gift God has laid before me? This man of mine is a gift and he wants to go to church and grow spiritually with me. But I still think it should be the other way, and once my mind is set it is what I go for. I don't want to lose this man in my life but I think I am about to if I do not change my way of thinking.Any advice would be greatly appreciated |
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 7/19/2008 12:29 am |
 Hi -I like the way you wanna live life. You are a pretty strong woman. You wanna make it work! You make good desicions.I think you are on the right path As Yeshua said: "Fallow me..." Mya the LORD bless you from heaven and protect you, and help you in all your situations(with love ).[/COLOR]
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7/18/2008 5:56 am |
Jessie, know this: Divorced children will always be divorced children! Even if/when you remarry and move on. Children will always hurt and carry the battle scars. Though my parents never divorced, my sisters are a product of a broken home. They were in and out of our lives all the time!!! Our home was NEVER stable because of it and other issues. We all face a lot of brokenness and pain because of it all. We are still walking out healing in our 40's and 50's, because of choices made that we had no control over. I guess what I am trying to tell you is pray with and over your children. Make the home a place of peace. Listen to what your children say in words and in actions. Listen especially to what your children are NOT saying, but acting out. Make them feel loved and safe! Their future depends on the choices you make right now. They are the main ministry that God is giving to you right now. Handle that ministry with prayer!
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7/17/2008 7:21 pm |
Hello Jessie, I've read a couple comments on here... not many. I just wanted to share some stuff with you: I was about 8 months old when my parents married. My mom already had 5 of us girls. My dad loved and accepted each one!!! My dad was a daddy to my 4 sisters. He treated them almost better than he did his own children, though he loved us all! My sisters loved my daddy so much that when he died, every one of them asked why couldn't it have been their dad that died. A stepdad can be a total treasure from God!!! I don't know your situation fully but God does. He knows your heart too. He knows that you want the best for your children. He also knows that you want to honor Him. He is the main one you must please. "Dear Jesus, give Jessie Your wisdom and strength and comfort in this difficult time that she is facing!!! Help her listen to Your heart and instructions. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."
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 7/14/2008 10:47 am |
I hear what you are saying and I kind of know what you mean... but God as husband or husband figure is scriptural- church-wise it just isn't preached or taught all that much... The bible uses this in a purely spiritual sense as in source, provider and lover of my soul... kind of thing. In other words God didn't say these things to creep us out- in scripture the use is quite loving and harmless, and as follows... Isaiah 54:4 “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. (5) For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. (6) The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. (7) “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” Methinks you might have a ministry as a Bible teacher. God bless you, dear sister!  Save a life, please adopt your next pet from a shelter, pound or rescue. "Iron Chef Bobby Flay, willing to sacrifice life and limb all in the name of flavour!". Alton Brown "I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!" George, "The Visa". "If your actions speak louder then words, you're not yelling loud enough". Stephen Colbert
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7/14/2008 6:28 am |
Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider?
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7/13/2008 2:00 pm |
This whole God being your husband thing gives me the willies.   Father?, yes. Husband?, I don't think so.  Isaiah 54:4 “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. (5) For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. (6) The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. (7) “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” God's love reaches all- growing means thinking outside the box... love one another
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7/10/2008 6:24 am |
Who is Gordy,for goodness sake?
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7/9/2008 8:40 pm |
[To merlin and skystar...]   Save a life, please adopt your next pet from a shelter, pound or rescue. "Iron Chef Bobby Flay, willing to sacrifice life and limb all in the name of flavour!". Alton Brown "I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!" George, "The Visa". "If your actions speak louder then words, you're not yelling loud enough". Stephen Colbert
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7/9/2008 5:25 pm |
So for those of you that dont know... I posted another blog on this topic. But here is the update once again. The "other man" has taken a few steps back. We no longer have a title on our relationship. We have had many conversations about our situation and he respects the fact that I think we moved way too fast and he respects the fact that I want to do the right things in life and I want to live for God and allow him to come in and heal my broken heart. So he has moved out and now has his own place around the corner. We are closer than we ever were before and I like it that way. I feel like Im doing the right things now and I do have faith that God will provide for me and my kids. Don has helped us so much. He is truly an inspiration. Just all happened a little too fast and when I was in a very vounerable position. He was my solid ground. We can look back on it all now and agree that he was sent to be a good friend for now. Well maybe a little more than a friend, but one that lives around the corner now instead of with me and the boys and one that had enough respect to take a few steps back, and I love him for that. So that is where my story is today. I spend way more time with God on a daily basis than I spend with Don or my kids. He is always there with me and I want to make him proud so he will use me to do his good works through. Im geting there. MUAH!!! Jessie
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7/7/2008 5:54 pm |
OMG... dumb and dumber strike again... please someone- make it got away!!!!... for real Jessie I was trying with all of my heart to be on topic 100 0n my last post... I wish these guys would just get a clue and give it a rest. I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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7/7/2008 1:55 pm |
You 2 at it again... I guess starsky is very sensitive and you were right she is a 10 year younger version of you...Lol! I saw that post you where you explained that. You know I'm glad your not like that anymore. I'm happy for you that you saw the error of your ways and chose to be friendly and polite and put others ahead of yourself now. God's love reaches all- growing means thinking outside the box... love one another
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7/6/2008 8:00 am |
It seems like you have feelings for two men, which is never good. As for the second man, I am wary of anyone who says God speaks directly to them, especially about a situation like dating. There are so many more important things to do for The Lord in your life than finding a mate. I know it's not easy to be in a relationship or marriage but it seems like you may need to step back and decide if serving The Lord is the most important thing to YOU and then take it from there. I don't know what bad things your husband did to you and it's not my business. But if it's something really bad (and I mean something criminal) then maybe leaving is not a bad idea. As for the second man, I do actually agree that it is suspect for him to be in a relationship with you and use God as his adviser on this. I am not sure from your post if you're married or not (you said you "split" from your husband) but if you are married, then why would God tell this man to be with you? That does not really make sense to me and seems completely unbiblical. I am sure the man has feelings for you but right now you are in a vulnerable spot and he should respect that. And if you're married, he should be hands off. It's just hard to assess all this without knowing the church life you and these people have. Is this new man a Bible-believing, Bible-studying man of God who is fellowshipping wit believers and putting The Lord and serving him above all? Is your husband/ex-husband? Are you? I think those are the key questions before anything can be done. God loved King David and David always consulted The Lord before any major decision. And the few times, he did not, it was a total disaster.
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7/5/2008 6:48 pm |
Jessie, This gal makes both false accusations and exaggerated accusations against me in areas that I don't agree with her. I don't censor anyone, nor do I support anyone censoring anyone. In fact I "fight" against those who censor others. This is why I've been on her case cuz she enjoys not only censoring people that are against her views on her blog but also those against her views on other people's (their gender doesn't matter) blogs. No one has the right to go around doing this sort of thing to anyone's comments. She is just out on a personal vendetta against me and is using ANYONE's blog to attempt to pathetically humiliate me. I hope you will forgive her for her asinine abuses of people's blogs that don't belong to her. This does not mean you should let your guard down however. But I want you to do whatever you know you should do, regardless of what either I, skystar, or anyone else from BigChurch tells/advises you to do. Proof of her stalking me instead of the other way around: [[post 105166]] [Are you for or against gay marriages?] ...I do not know whether or not she's posted anything similar on any other post and/or blog since I don't want to take the time to find out. P.S. Not only did she accuse me (on this thread of yours) of my attacking her advice to you but she also did the same to this grandma dudette, to me, to NJ, and to a few others (most of whose posts you deleted, including hers, since she commanded you to do so...which IS true censorship on her part). PLEASE STEP IN AFTER ASSESSING EVERYTHING AND PUBLICLY GIVE ALL OF US DIRECTION (INCLUDING HER) ON HOW YOU WANT US TO POST ON YOUR BLOG. Unfortunately, this might not apply to me very much since I am in the process of leaving BC... I guess starsky is very sensitive and you were right she is a 10 year younger version of you...Lol! I saw that post you where you explained that. You know I'm glad your not like that anymore. I'm happy for you that you saw the error of your ways and chose to be friendly and polite and put others ahead of yourself now. Free Speech is for everyone or no one! My Testimony - why I
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7/4/2008 10:32 pm |
Jessie- This guy thinks he is some kind of weird, self-appointed censor for BC... no joke. If you don't believe me go check out his blog it says so right there. No one has the right to go around doing this sort of thing to other people's comments. He is just out on a personal vendetta against me and he is using your blog in a pathetic attempt to try to humiliate me. I hope you will forgive me for saying so... but this guy is one of the biggest, most annoying jerks here on BC. Yeah, I may be one of the few willing to say that... but everyone else is thinking it! This gal makes both false accusations and exaggerated accusations against me in areas that I don't agree with her. I don't censor anyone, nor do I support anyone censoring anyone. In fact I "fight" against those who censor others. This is why I've been on her case cuz she enjoys not only censoring people that are against her views on her blog but also those against her views on other people's (their gender doesn't matter) blogs. No one has the right to go around doing this sort of thing to anyone's comments. She is just out on a personal vendetta against me and is using ANYONE's blog to attempt to pathetically humiliate me. I hope you will forgive her for her asinine abuses of people's blogs that don't belong to her. This does not mean you should let your guard down however. But I want you to do whatever you know you should do, regardless of what either I, skystar, or anyone else from BigChurch tells/advises you to do. Proof of her stalking me instead of the other way around: [[post 105166]] [Are you for or against gay marriages?] ...I do not know whether or not she's posted anything similar on any other post and/or blog since I don't want to take the time to find out. P.S. Not only did she accuse me (on this thread of yours) of my attacking her advice to you but she also did the same to this grandma dudette, to me, to NJ, and to a few others (most of whose posts you deleted, including hers, since she commanded you to do so...which IS true censorship on her part). PLEASE STEP IN AFTER ASSESSING EVERYTHING AND PUBLICLY GIVE ALL OF US DIRECTION (INCLUDING HER) ON HOW YOU WANT US TO POST ON YOUR BLOG. Unfortunately, this might not apply to me very much since I am in the process of leaving BC... I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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7/4/2008 12:55 pm |
^^^ off-topic post above ALERT (because it's an attack against a blogger)Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this except the above person is being a hypocrite here since she's doing what she accused me of and had the gall to demand Jessie delete all posts like these be deleted. He is just out on a personal vendetta against me and he is using your blog in a pathetic attempt to try to humiliate me. I hope you will forgive me for saying so... but this guy is one of the biggest, most annoying jerks here on BC. Yeah, I may be one of the few willing to say that... but everyone else is thinking it! God's love reaches all- growing means thinking outside the box... love one another
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7/2/2008 6:18 pm |
Not ALL judging by humans of other humans is wrong: ...let's remove the yeast before it completely destroys the dough. Lu 12:1 - Show Context Meanwhile, thousands of people had gathered. They were so crowded that they stepped on each other. Jesus spoke to his disciples and said, "Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees. I'm talking about their hypocrisy. Lu 13:21 - Show Context It's like yeast that a woman mixed into a large amount of flour until the yeast worked its way through all the dough." I'M SLOWLY WORKING MY WAY OUT OF BC BUT I'LL CONTINUE PRAYING FOR YOU TOO JESSIE, IN ADDITION TO ALL MY OTHER ONLINE FRIENDS HERE. I'LL ALSO BE PRAYING FOR THOSE WHO CONSIDER ME THEIR ENEMY. MAY WE GROW IN ALLOWING JESUS TO BE OUR HEAD/MAIN GOD/BOSS/LORD/FULFILLMENT/ETC IN OUR HEARTS/EMOTIONS, HEADS/THOUGHTS, CHOOSER/SOUL, BODY/FEELINGS/BEHAVIOUR, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY (BUT NOT ALL BY ITSELF) IN OUR SPIRITS. I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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7/2/2008 5:28 am |
From time to time it is necessary to refresh and to bring into focus again the Principal Principle of our faith, as also what are the fruits related to our commitment. Heal the roots and not the fruits!!! We can always discuss secondary topics separately and in due time. But are we going to be "faithful disciples in the world", let's not forget to preach Hope and Full victory in Jesus Christ, and NOT in our own human possibilities! Especially to the non-Christians, to the aspirant Christians and to the new Christians! ___________________________ I'll paste an old link and a new comment I made this morning: Please brethren, let's not forget and let's always keep in mind that Jesus said clearly that He hadn't come to judge the world, but that the world might be saved by him: And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world. (John 12:47 ) Lately the Holy spirit is indeed telling all of "us" strongly again (who already believe in His words), NOT to get too lost in humans' words, going around in rhetorical circles and getting distracted and off track in our sealed commitment and faithful walk... This morning I was just led to one of my older posts which provided beautiful and inspirational comments. Welcome back! Maybe I should repost it? ---> + + + WE JUST CAN'T AVOID TO LOVE EACH OTHER !!! + + + N.B.: Keep in mind that the comments' order, top/bottom, is reversed on my blog!  ______________ 
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7/1/2008 7:59 pm |
Ms. Obvious... how can you or anyone else "whole heartedly agree" with that guy? He so negative and condemning. I don't just mean here- look at almost anything he says anywhere! Women, especially single moms, have to deal with the realities of raising their kids and trying to find the most appropriate person to do that with... and as much as we try and try and want to do the right thing... sometimes the biological father is not that right person. Continuing to be a part of a destructive situation can only lead to more destruction. We all make some not so great and wise choices in our youth when it comes to the relationships we get into. As we grow in different ways after awhile we come to realize that the person we are with is not a good person for us to be with or spend our lives with and the relationship can turn bad and toxic. This is not an environment a mother wants to raise her children in. Often times men can and will be extremely resistant, fearful and ultimately mistrusting of anything that feels like it's forcing them to choose or make a drastic change in their life. Often times in the end a man will choose to remain as they are and sacrifice all else to do so... I don't know why this is- it just is. You can sincerely do things to try and change the situation but in many cases most men have a deep fear of change, and many times a basic mistrust of the process when it comes to counseling. For what ever reason women are usually less resistant and more open to things that will ultimately bring about change. Most of us will do whatever it takes to save a relationship especially when there are children involved. When it comes to matters of the heart things can become very confusing for all of us. Many times the fear of loss, the need for love, attention, validation and the pull of attraction and chemistry can cloud our view of what's really good and beneficial for us and for our children. Jessie I think in a way I have been where you are. We want to do the right thing by our kids, we want to be a good mom and find a good man/father and do what's best for them but in reality life gets confusing sometimes. If life were perfect we would always do what's right... but life is not perfect and usually we learn our lessons through trial and error. We want to be independent but that's not always so easy either. Sometimes it can be really hard to try to stand on your own and do the right thing not to mention the fact that sometimes it can also be really frightening and lonely. It can be like standing frozen on the ledge of a burning building.. knowing you need to risk taking a leap of faith because you know if you don't and you go back you will just wind up getting trapped and burned in a structure that once represented home, life and at times security... but that's no longer the reality of things. Trust God Jessie... He will catch you when you trust Him and take this leap of faith into a new life for yourself and your kids. You know you can't go back you have to go forward and trust. Just know that beyond all you have been through- there is a better life and better days ahead for you and for your kids. God bless you and the decisions you make. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths" (because it's an attack against a blogger)Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this except the above person is being a hypocrite here since she's doing what she accused me of and had the gall to demand Jessie delete all posts like these be deleted. I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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7/1/2008 12:20 am |
I have to whole heartedly agree with Gordy. Bringing a new man into the lives your children, eight months after you were married and even when you yourself aren't even sure as to what the right thing to do is, to say the least, grossly inappropriate. It never ceases to amaze me how flippant people are when it comes to commitment. Jesus was quite clear on His views about divorce. Women, especially single moms, have to deal with the realities of raising their kids and trying to find the most appropriate person to do that with... and as much as we try and try and want to do the right thing... sometimes the biological father is not that right person. Continuing to be a part of a destructive situation can only lead to more destruction. We all make some not so great and wise choices in our youth when it comes to the relationships we get into. As we grow in different ways after awhile we come to realize that the person we are with is not a good person for us to be with or spend our lives with and the relationship can turn bad and toxic. This is not an environment a mother wants to raise her children in. Often times men can and will be extremely resistant, fearful and ultimately mistrusting of anything that feels like it's forcing them to choose or make a drastic change in their life. Often times in the end a man will choose to remain as they are and sacrifice all else to do so... I don't know why this is- it just is. You can sincerely do things to try and change the situation but in many cases most men have a deep fear of change, and many times a basic mistrust of the process when it comes to counseling. For what ever reason women are usually less resistant and more open to things that will ultimately bring about change. Most of us will do whatever it takes to save a relationship especially when there are children involved. When it comes to matters of the heart things can become very confusing for all of us. Many times the fear of loss, the need for love, attention, validation and the pull of attraction and chemistry can cloud our view of what's really good and beneficial for us and for our children. Jessie I think in a way I have been where you are. We want to do the right thing by our kids, we want to be a good mom and find a good man/father and do what's best for them but in reality life gets confusing sometimes. If life were perfect we would always do what's right... but life is not perfect and usually we learn our lessons through trial and error. We want to be independent but that's not always so easy either. Sometimes it can be really hard to try to stand on your own and do the right thing not to mention the fact that sometimes it can also be really frightening and lonely. It can be like standing frozen on the ledge of a burning building.. knowing you need to risk taking a leap of faith because you know if you don't and you go back you will just wind up getting trapped and burned in a structure that once represented home, life and at times security... but that's no longer the reality of things. Trust God Jessie... He will catch you when you trust Him and take this leap of faith into a new life for yourself and your kids. You know you can't go back you have to go forward and trust. Just know that beyond all you have been through- there is a better life and better days ahead for you and for your kids. God bless you and the decisions you make. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths" God's love reaches all- growing means thinking outside the box... love one another
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6/26/2008 12:24 am |
Make the Lord first in your life, and have faith. We all have to unload before we reload. GBY H
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6/26/2008 12:10 am |
Well, I see I'm a little late getting into the fray of things here. If it helps at all, I have been a Christian since I was 20, and I still struggle with the stepping-out-in-faith situations I find myself in so often. So don't think you are somehow less of a Christian than anyone else. It really sounds as tho' you are facing the same struggles that every believer has gone thro', and most likely still experiencing. You can learn from Terrie which ones on Big Church you can trust. I will pray for wisdom for you. GBU, Gary Eph 2:10 We are his workmanship (poiema, or poem, or work of art) created in Christ Jesus. God is an artist and you are His masterpiece!
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6/25/2008 7:03 am |
Greetings RaceFansJessie, Well I see you have met some personalities here already. Knock, knock...Here comes another.. I did not notice where you say how long you have been a Christian, but no matter. Ask your self this; "Where are you in you walk?". I mean as to, have you been weaned, eating solid food, or just starting on the milk bottle? You decide. But think on this. If you are on milk, where every Christian must start, then wait to be weened before continuing your search for a human relationship. If you are weened, and ready for solid food, then, may be, consider looking to see if you are ready for a human relationship. And always remember, that just because you have been weened, and eat solid food, does not mean you are ready for a human relationship. Nothing wrong with patience, once you have started to build your house on the True Foundation Stone. Seek God first, then see who seeks a woman of God. Hey, but many others have already told you this, in our own styles.. No King but CHRIST JESUS!!!
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6/24/2008 10:32 pm |
sturpid typos sorry about that
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6/24/2008 10:31 pm |
no..youn are a christiannnif you didnt eorry if you wrent concerned about it at all then ild worry about it....yes we have all been thetr ...struggling in our faith ... and to be frank with you the real ones go up and down with their faith...God tests us at times really hard and sumtimes we get into a pickle all by ourselves and God allows us to get in a bind. just keep pluuging along ok jessie!?...Keep the faith let it grow...and even if its as small as a mustard seed...you know...it will be come in the end ...huge. God bl;ess you and keep you...ps remember to get that christian counciling too and descern wisely make sure the councilor is a real christian not a crackpot!
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6/24/2008 7:37 pm |
Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider? Not claiming to have it all together either, but I have worked in singles ministry on and off. It's much easier to give advice than take it. Very, very few have 'arrived' spiritually.
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6/24/2008 3:51 pm |
JESSIE....this post directed toward your post only as i did not read any other posts.... i was married for 25 years....4 great kids.....i thought marriage was a 7 and always room for improvement and a 10 is not possible on earth - after her affair was exposed she stated that the marriage was a zero....wow - i never knew???? i just tried to do the best that i knew how.....i agree and have learned that i did not love her WELL but i always loved her - at least until she finally left 3 years after exposure..... i did FIND HEART after she left and Jesus bound up my broken Heart - letters were on each piece and as Jesus made me into a wholeHEARTED man and healed the wounds - i noticed the letters formed His WORD written on my HEART - not just of the MIND any longer but REAL with a transformed MIND - the eye of the HEART........ i held on to the notion that God hated divorce [and he does] and that i should not do it [so i did not]....i understand God allows divorce and murder and lying but He would prefer we refrain from these activities cuz they cause wounds in many people.....far reaching and more than you can imagine in the heat of the moment....the rift and pain of divorce is felt at some level in your children even after you die of old age..... Jesus said simply that your yes be yes and your no be no......it does take two for a good marriage but only one for a dead marriage or divorce......if their is no WILL employed from each person's soul GOD will not overpower your decisions......and someone that chooses divorce does not necessarily go to hell..... it takes roughly 1 year for every 5 years of marriage to process thru the wounds and hurt of rejection and divorce.....divorce is far worse than someone dying in the family.....listen to that "still small voice" and follow Him. do not follow emotions.....if the pain of the marriage is beckoning you to go inside and discover the core issue then go on this journey and KNOW Jesus will not leave you alone.....remember, marriage is not to make you "happy" but rather Holy and if marriage doesn not bring you to your knees at some point in your journey then sump'n may be eternally wrong.... LOVE is not an emotion it is God and He is NOT simply an emotion. He will give you this wisdom and knowledge at the tent of meetings which is in you at the heart of your soul.....He will give you LOVE - true LOVE which is Him in you.....do you believe, Lord help us with our unbelief. if your spouse is the one who has chosen to leave and to divorce then let the unbeliever go according to Paul.....you are free to re-mary and ask yourself "why would you want to be with someone that does not WANT to be with you????" i finally realized that it was o.k. and i am glad she left if she was NOT WILLING to submit to our LORD and follow Him even INTO and thru the PAIN......i love her but i have found someone that also love me with the true love that is our LORD.... the avoidance of pain is the definition of DYSFUNCTIONAL.....go into it. you will never go alone. PEACE and may His guidance lead you into His WHOLENESS and may you become HOLY as He is HOLY....A-men! in Christ
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6/24/2008 3:37 pm |
Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider?
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6/24/2008 2:04 pm |
Glad to see your responses are listed from the most recent backwards. But you may note some people bring their own issues to the table and forget what the first post was even about. They are more concerned with their own agenda than speaking to the person in front of them. You asked: Am I supposed to put my life on hold until the "papers are signed"? Not just yes, but hell yes! Your kids come first. By your own words you are not ready for another relationship. Most counseling books concur that it takes 2 tears to get over a serious relationship marriage, or otherwise. Everyone tells themselves they can get over things quicker than others. That they are ready. Look at your own words again. "it did not happen over night, actually it did not happen at all." "I ran into a man and we got pretty serious pretty fast." When we try to force things too quick, they never comeout right. I 'run into' a lot of people at Wal-Mart, but we don't get involved. Take responsibility! Do you know what happens to butterflies or cicadas when they come out of the shell prematurely? The thing is, you are involving your kids with each decision. "My new man is everything I ever wanted... now he feels like the failure." You contradict yourself. You seem to realize his justification of God sending him ot you is some ploy of desperation, and you do NOT respect him for that. Time to get real! "I honestly do not have one reason to let him go... I cant continue to do this to my kids. It is selfish but I am so confused." Reason numbers one and two: YOUR KIDS! Reason number threee: YOU ARE NOT READY! Your thinking will never clear until you get through the selfish part. Better for children to have one parent who is actually present than two who are too busy trying to figure out their own messed up relationship. I have a hunch my delivery may not be best, but I would rather overstate the danger than to softsell it. Too much is at stake. And you do not need coddling right now. I liked the advice looking4aknight, busykydad, fieldlillies and NJbeliever offered. Forget what you may see as a wagging finger and try to see it more as a finger pointing in the right direction... Get a book. See a counselor ifnecessary, but don't go shopping on an empty stomache. That is what you are doing right now. Love your kids and let them love you back. Then, AFTER SOME TIME, when you have a better sense of where you are, you can look for someone else... or not. Get your life balanced with God and your kids, and what is right will come. Bypass this step and that cake in your Little Susie Homemaker oven will turn in your stomache and make you and yours sick for an immeasurably long time. Perhaps an entire lifetime. God bless! I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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6/24/2008 12:07 pm |
Since this is till going on... but nothing has been achieved... and "God" hasn't said anything yet that made any importance... well... Why not writing to Dr. Phil?
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6/24/2008 11:41 am |
I personally thought that Walking Man gave great advice. Take it from me, he's right, I have been having kind of the same problem of rushing into something way to fast without first getting over the other relationship and now Im in the middle of a very confusing situation. Going shopping on an empty stomach is a perfect way to put it, actually. And to be honest, Gordy and SweetHoney, cant you see this girl is confused? You two should be taking your arguement elsewhere. Heavens, this isnt the place to do that. Jn:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. --Jesus.
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6/24/2008 11:39 am |
I personally thought that Walking Man gave great advice. And to be honest, Gordy and SweetHoney, cant you see this girl is confused? You two should be taking your arguement elsewhere. Heavens, this isnt the place to do that. Jn:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. --Jesus.
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6/24/2008 11:13 am |
When people start arguing and saying all kinds of wierd nonsense on my blog I usually delete it... if people want to argue they should take it else where. I know it's your call but that stuff is a bunch of crazy non-sense. They are not addressing your issues they are addressing their own. You do need time to heal from the first relationship... you need to give yourself some time and space to do that. Your mind is set and programmed and out of sheer force of habit you keep turning back to what you have known with your "on again off again" relationship with your kids dad. You have to let go of that before you can move forward. You know that already you just don't know how to break free of it. You have to literally change or renew your mind. I don't know how open minded you are to such things but in order to escape this toxic situation with your ex you might consider something out ot the ordinary. You may have tried to seek help through counseling and if you have not- give that a try. There is also something else that you can use and this is for real- it does work- hypnotherapy. It may not be the usual tool, but it can help you to change and break bad habits and patterns in your life. Think about it, pray about it, google it and read up on it. Find someone legitimate and reputable with a proven track record. I do have the name of someone- Don Manarino. He is someone who has worked with the National Cancer Society to help people stop smoking through hypno-therapy and he has a series of self-help hypnotherapy audio CD's and a few DVD's as well. I have a few and I consider them a God send when it comes to breaking free of bad and toxic things in my life. You can effectively break nearly any negative thought pattern through this method of therapy I have used it for weight loss and positive motivation and it does work because it gets to the root and the heart of the matter. It's not as weird as it may sound and it can be effective if you are consistent with it. God's love reaches all- growing means thinking outside the box... love one another
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6/24/2008 10:55 am |
LOL!!! Paulus invented a new religion??? WOW!!! That was a good one!!! Who said that, Pastor Martin Scorsese???   I just peed in my pants... is it a sin??? 
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6/24/2008 10:20 am |
Hello Jessie, Seems this blog got off the beaten path...LOL.LOL Hope someone has been helpful to you...LOL Anyways you know who to call! Im a inexeperience christian,,but i know and you as well not to listen to angry people! Good to see you have a sense of humor. I guess that makes you more mature than some folks. Have a great day, Alan
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6/24/2008 8:23 am |
Suggestion: Delete this response post and about 40 others which have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Do not let others take over your blog!
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6/24/2008 7:10 am |
Glad to see your responses are listed from the most recent backwards. But you may note some people bring their own issues to the table and forget what the first post was even about. They are more concerned with their own agenda than speaking to the person in front of them. You asked: Am I supposed to put my life on hold until the "papers are signed"? Not just yes, but hell yes! Your kids come first. By your own words you are not ready for another relationship. Most counseling books concur that it takes 2 tears to get over a serious relationship marriage, or otherwise. Everyone tells themselves they can get over things quicker than others. That they are ready. Look at your own words again. "it did not happen over night, actually it did not happen at all." "I ran into a man and we got pretty serious pretty fast." When we try to force things too quick, they never comeout right. I 'run into' a lot of people at Wal-Mart, but we don't get involved. Take responsibility! Do you know what happens to butterflies or cicadas when they come out of the shell prematurely? The thing is, you are involving your kids with each decision. "My new man is everything I ever wanted... now he feels like the failure." You contradict yourself. You seem to realize his justification of God sending him ot you is some ploy of desperation, and you do NOT respect him for that. Time to get real! "I honestly do not have one reason to let him go... I cant continue to do this to my kids. It is selfish but I am so confused." Reason numbers one and two: YOUR KIDS! Reason number threee: YOU ARE NOT READY! Your thinking will never clear until you get through the selfish part. Better for children to have one parent who is actually present than two who are too busy trying to figure out their own messed up relationship. I have a hunch my delivery may not be best, but I would rather overstate the danger than to softsell it. Too much is at stake. And you do not need coddling right now. I liked the advice looking4aknight, busykydad, fieldlillies and NJbeliever offered. Forget what you may see as a wagging finger and try to see it more as a finger pointing in the right direction... Get a book. See a counselor ifnecessary, but don't go shopping on an empty stomache. That is what you are doing right now. Love your kids and let them love you back. Then, AFTER SOME TIME, when you have a better sense of where you are, you can look for someone else... or not. Get your life balanced with God and your kids, and what is right will come. Bypass this step and that cake in your Little Susie Homemaker oven will turn in your stomache and make you and yours sick for an immeasurably long time. Perhaps an entire lifetime. God bless!
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6/24/2008 6:14 am |
you two have to agree to disagree and stop arguing its pointless...do you two both beleive inJesus...yes ...so just agree to disagree....ok...it pains me that you two are arguing...try to find good in each other pleeez? God Bless
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6/23/2008 8:51 pm |
i hope an dpray you take my advice my birth name peaks for itself...so pleez take the advice...satan does disguise himself ias an angel of light sat times....so pleez take a break from men ok????pleeez focus on God and your kids...pleez get some counciling honey ok??? you and your little ones need love and supprot now and a heavy dose of healing. you need to work on boundaries...you got boundary issues sweety....so get some help and dont be afraid to admit when you sin...we all have....everyone has fallen short...everyone..its just a matter of really wanting to change and askin for forgiveness. i know you have learned some hard lessons in life thru this. please just rest in God with no man at your side save Jesus who will be with you always! God Bless
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6/23/2008 8:43 pm |
Gordy you are an idiot. There is no sense in trying to deal with pathetic people. You are a disgrace as a supposed human being. I hope you get saved some day. Its a shame so many people do not get the simplicity of it all. (not due to his beliefs but rather his attitude) I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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6/23/2008 7:29 pm |
Still getting responses!!! This is great!!! And yes I guess I did stir the pot a little with my first blog, but I was just seeking wisdom and I got a lot!!!! Thank you so much for the support. I hope to meet you all one day. p.s I posted another blog!!!! lol
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6/23/2008 7:11 pm |
Gordy you are an idiot. There is no sense in trying to deal with pathetic people. You are a disgrace as a supposed human being. I hope you get saved some day. Its a shame so many people do not get the simplicity of it all.
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6/23/2008 6:55 pm |
Jessie, God Bless You. Keep posting. Please please do not stop. Gordy is a trouble maker. You will not be judged by God because of this stuff. Chriatians are judged at the cross and when they receive Christ, they receive forgiveness. The world will be judged. Christians judgement will be about crowns etc. But guess what? Those crowns are all tossed to the feet of Jesus in the end. You have a beautiful open spirit. I am 1000ehind you as I know many others here are whether or not all of your decisions are the right one or not. We all make decisons that lack. Not saying yours did. Many of us have years experience that have led to some wisdom here and there. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. He knows much more than all of us. God Bless You and Your Children!!! Thank you for your kind words to my neice. She is really a great girl, just struggling in her faith like the rest of us have. God bless you!  NOTHING that happens, happens for NOTHING What Does Jesus Want For Christmas? We've Set The Date And You're All Invited! We Need Some "Blogger's Etiquette" Around Here!!! Does God REALLY Promise Not To Allow More Than We Can Bear? New Members at BigChurch, WATCH OUT!!!
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6/23/2008 6:55 pm |
Mercy me - how did I miss all this excitement! Dear girl, you got a serious baptism into the blogs, didn't you? A few words from me, even though I'm chiming in rather late. (Terrie blesses me so much with her posts, by the way.) Honey, I've been down the road you're describing, though not in the exact same circumstance. But the desire to be with someone, the belief that if a man shows up, is loving, wants to be there for you makes it ok and of God. I agree with the kind, sane and sensible folks who are saying - slow down, take a deep breath and don't feel you must choose between men. Your choices are limitless! You can end your marriage legally, decently and in order. It sounds like the two of you have some very serious issues or you would not have been on and off the merry go round so many times. If there is no addiction, no abuse, and he is a Christian . . . can you be separate, yet go to counseling together? That's one option. Or divorce, care for yourself and your children and learn how to love Jessie. Do indeed go to classes, seek out wise counsel, let God lead you. Rushing into the arms of another man won't solve anything other than a short term fix. As others have said, if he is to be in your life, he'll back off until you are divorced. He'll support you getting counseling and help. He will be a friend only and not pursue more until further down the road. I suspect, however, from what I can read between the lines, that it would be best to start a new life with a clean slate. Constantly being pulled by man/men emotionally will hamper your growth as a person, and as a Christian. Your first duty is to your children and they need you, not a step dad. I married to give my kids a dad and it backfired horribly because I rushed into it without seeking God's will first. Sweetie, I'm not preaching or scolding. Lord knows I've made a BUNCH of mistakes in my life and keep making them! BUT I've learned the value in listening to the combined wisdom of solid Christians who have been in similar circumstances and can help me if I'm willing to take advice. Walking away from someone who wants to "be there for you" is one of the hardest things in the world because we get so tired as single moms and so want to be loved and cared for. But waiting on the Lord and His perfect best for us is always worth it. It's never too late to start new and make a "brand new ending" to our lives. Be encouraged, loved and know I care! Susan aka Red God gives the very best to those who leave the choices to Him. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...to Him be the glory. Eph 3:20 Find me at my screen name, blogspot and the usual ending. See ya there!
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6/23/2008 6:19 pm |
"Prodigal Son parable when he repented and admitted that what he had done was a sin". If someone came on here stating they were molesting children,would you continue to justify their actions as you have done on this blog? Another reason why studying the Bible is so important. God bless.
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6/23/2008 5:51 pm |
Jessie, May you come to know the love, truth, and most importantly, the intimate relationship of Jesus! I am a free Christian thinker, "I will fight for your right to be wrong!" << S.G. Tallentyre
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6/23/2008 4:39 pm |
Gordy if you had an iota of spiritual understanding you would understand life is not about "sinning". Life is about Jesus Christ as he says "I am the way and the truth and the Life." I hope to goodness you do no or have not procreated. God help any children that you would have anything to do raising. Their lives would be in shambles. You have no clue of the heart of God. What cult are you involved in? It is severely lacking. I will take you to the Spiritual Woodshed Here. Tell me what the Father said in the Prodigal Son parable when he repented and admitted that what he had done was a sin against him and heaven? Did he say, Son I forgive you? That would seem justified. Did he say, ok Son, but dont ever do that again or we are through??!! No, he said get a ring. Get a robe, kill the fatted calf. Let us celebrate the return of one on one fellowship with my son. He is the good father. All humans fail in one way or another. His son was always forgiven. Not only that, the parable states that he saw him coming and ran to him. Ran. I do not know who your God is, but he is not the Living God. Your god Sucks. If someone came on here stating they were molesting children,would you continue to justify their actions as you have done on this blog?
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