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Some of you know my story about the cocoon I had wrapped myself in for so many years. It was my own little self protected cocoon, a place where no one could hurt me, no one could reach inside. I gave the appearance of normality on the outside, but on the inside I was broken and closed off to everything. I had friends, I did church, was involved in ministry, but I would not give of myself to anything or anyone. I would not even look at men, had no interest in dating....in fact I had no interest in anything! I was miserable, but I was safe in my misery, if that makes any sense! There were so many arrows thrown at me...they lacerated my heart, but I would wrench them out....and place them on the floor of my cocoon. After a while there were so many of those things on the ground, the way out of my cocoon was closed off. Even if I wanted to escape, I didn't know how. But God did. And one day, He just picked up all those arrows and threw them out, then He led me out of my cocoon. And He changed my life! He transformed me! He gave me some promises at that time.....He told me He was leading me into spacious places, and He would uphold me with His righteous right hand! I have held those promises so close to my heart....and He has kept those promises! The reason I'm sharing these things with you is that recently I have become so discouraged, that I have found myself wanting to head back to the safety of that cocoon. I guess I keep forgetting how horrible my life was while I was in there huh? Yesterday was a battle for me. It would be so easy to just give up, believe the lie. God has given me visions and dreams, God has spoken to me about many things....but lately I found myself doubting that I had ever heard from Him. I convinced myself that it was my fickle heart, yearning for something that was so out of reach. I wanted to run and hide, close myself off and just wait it out until Jesus came back. Yet something deep within me was crying out.....guess that was the restlessness I was feeling yesterday. It was a sense of "surely this isn't all there is, surely there is something more"...... Then I received an email from a friend, with a word from God to me....."tell her I'm holding up her right hand". Suddenly His promise came back to me.....I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND.  Incidently, my friend did not know of the promise God had made to me all those years ago!The dreams, the visions, the words He gave.....they all mean something.....He gave them to me for a reason. He has a plan and a purpose.....VICTORY IS MINE SAITH THE LORD. My wing might be broken, but I am still flying....praise God...I am still flying! I have a peace in my heart......He has my life in His hands..my tomorrows are in His hands...I don't have to worry about the finer details, I don't have to worry and look for what's ahead....He has gone before me and prepared the way. Everything that I am is in Him. All I have to do is fly, keep my eyes on Him, be obedient to His leading....and finally I will land on solid ground...that He has prepared for me. Father, forgive me for forgetting the promises You made....forgive me for doubting the words, the visions, the dreams.....thank You from the bottom of my heart Lord. Thank You for loving me so much that You will do great things in me and through me. Thank You for NEVER letting go. Penelope Captive of Hope 
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 9/8/2008 2:28 am |
Penn, You have always touched my heart and I see many prayers you have prayed that God is delightfully going to answer. Your trials are not in vain but for the ministry call that is on your life.I see you ministering to so many broken hearted people and there is healing in your hands. You are faithful and a definate warrior for God. Love u Sis This was a comment made to me yesterday, and I am crying like a baby coz the words she is saying have a meaning...some God has revealed to me..some yet to be revealed. I put it here on my blog so that I will always have it. I can't begin to tell you the overwhelming thing that is happening in my heart right now My Father....knows. He knows the truth......He is holding me and comforting me coz He knows my heart. Praise God! Penelope Captive of Hope
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 9/8/2008 3:44 am |
Amen....Fly little birdie...FLY!
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9/8/2008 4:08 am |
Thank you for sharing Pen, GBU Gods way is my way,...Clay
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9/8/2008 5:18 am |
Awww, Pen...God knows your heart, and knew you needed that encouragement yesterday. That is why I think it is a good idea to keep a prayer journal...write down the words that God speaks to you each day, the vision He gives....then when you are in doubt you can go back to that not only for encouragement but for confirmation. Words that God has spoken to me over months, if not years, I see coming to pass now...they did not all make sense at the time they were given, nor did there seem to be a connection but God was at work the whole time. Remember He "knows" the plans for you"....to "give you a future and a hope". I made a comment on a previous post of Helen's that I believe holds true for you....the bigger the vision, often the longer and deeper the preparation. Much love.... He is no fool if he should choose to lose the things he cannot keep to gain what he can never lose.....Jim Elliott Deena 
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9/8/2008 5:55 am |
He is the wind beneath your wings! He will hold you up as you fly for Him and toward Him! When your wings tire of flapping, soar on the wind of His love..........HE WILL HOLD YOU UP! Love and Hugs  His word will not come back to Him void. Believe, believe, believe! Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and one hand over my mouth!
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9/8/2008 6:27 am |
What a wonderful testimony, Pene! God's butterfly must rely on HIM to strengthen her flight, because the wings of a butterfly are very fragile, but in HIS right hand...all things are possible.  From one bride to another, God keep you, bless you, increase you, Rhonda 
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9/8/2008 6:30 am |
Praying for you, but also for me as I too would like to isolate, be free from all the noise outside my world. Quietness is all I want and yet I know, like you, I do not grow in quietness. I would stay the same. So I choose to live outside my cocoon, but I forget the loving arms and the shadow of His wings. They cover me too...like a cocoon. Beth Thanks for this post reminding me to abide in HIM.
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9/8/2008 7:49 am |
Yes Penelope, I know that feeling of wanting to get behind those giant walls that I had built around me at one time - which God in His awesome grace knocked down for me - one brick at a time over a number of years. Even very recently I started looking for some bricks and some mortar to try to rebuild the wall - but I can't find any bricks - nor any mortar nor even that trowel tool thingie to put the mortar on the bricks. I can't rebuild that wall!! I can no longer hide behind the wall. The only thing I can hide in is the shadow of His wings (like Beth says) - that's my safe place these days - my only safe place - the place of true comfort and peace. Your cocoon is gone - can't go back there even if you wanted too - it's not available any more. We got to deal with whatever it is that comes up - no more hiding. God heals broken wings too - sometimes more quickly than we can imagine!! Blessings & prayers!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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9/8/2008 8:16 am |
Penn, I love your testimony!!!I was in that cocoon also and it looks like butterfly season is coming for both of us. You are a treasure beyond words!!!Love u Please remember to keep our soldiers in your prayers!!! Kristy
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9/8/2008 8:59 am |
. . .
. . . Without Absolute Truth, there are only lies disguised as truth, if you know not the Absolute Truth and it is NOT within you, you will embrace a relative truth that fits your eternity, that is presently before you. Continue to be faithful, deliverance is near, obedience must be seen, be an unconditional blessing as He continues to bless you. This time is short, serve Him well, serving all. Without exception. Know? Yes? ? .
Meow ? .
.
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9/8/2008 11:15 am |
Yup, want to head back in there myself after what I've been through so far today. AND IT'S ONLY 2 PM MONDAY!!! Well, as God so eloquently pointed out to me one day, it won't do me any good to hide because the world will still be here waiting for me. Hmmm.....somehow that makes me afraid!!  We have to keep moving forward, Pen. Recalling how hard it was then is a good thing. But yearning to go back there isn't. He won't let go of you. Just don't let go of Him. He whispers through the storm......"I am with you....." 
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9/8/2008 11:52 am |
This CALLS FOR A PARTY!!! Praise God! Penn is coming out of the cocoon and becoming God's beautiful butterfly! Hallelujah! Love you my precious sister!    Bloom Where You are Planted
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9/8/2008 12:08 pm |
Awwww Pen, I know i`ve said it before but i`ll say it again.What a woman you are.You are an inspiration and you touch my heart.Your struggles help me realise that i am normal and not a failure as a Christian. Enjoy the flight. Peace be with you, Wendy    Show me the way Sweet JESUS.Lead and i Will follow.
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9/8/2008 7:22 pm |
I am truly blessed whenever I read your posts. I celebrate with you, because I "logged" cocoon time also. It's hard to break out, I'm still working on it with God's help, and "a little help from my friends" like you, dear one...You encourage me! Bless you Barb
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9/9/2008 6:17 am |
You know what? I just realized you're not in my friend's network. Don't you love me? (Just kidding my precious friend.) I can't invite you, I'm just a peon here you know.  But consider this one. ♥ Love and Hugs Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and one hand over my mouth!
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9/10/2008 5:51 am |
 Love you precious one!Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and one hand over my mouth!
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9/10/2008 7:02 am |
Honey in my will is the last place anyone would want to be. It looks like all I'm gonna' be leaving is a bunch of huge medical bills. Just those 3 tests I had done was $4500. But I know my Lord will provide. He is ever faithful! Love and Hugs Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and one hand over my mouth!
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