 | Blogs > deepestfaith > Mesianic Viewpoints > Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) |
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Part 15 We ended the last part on saying that both the husband and wife die at the altar and become one under God and that we must die everyday to ourselves. This is one reason why living together before marriage is so bad. You can argue with me all you want about the Bible and where does it say it or give me a verse. But here is the bottom line that no one can argue with me about it. Living together before marriage is based upon selfishness. The guy wants two things, se.x on demand and someone to split living expenses with. The girl thinks, “Oh, if I come this far, maybe he will go all the way for me.” Take your mamas advice. “Give away the milk and he ain’t going to buy the cow.” Think about it. Couples that live together before marriage; 67 percent of them get divorced. Couples that don’t live together before marriage, about 45 percent of them get divorced. It increases it and you are thinking it was just a warm-up and a try-out. It’s a try-out based upon selfishness. Marriage is not based upon selfishness. Marriage is based upon permanence. Because here’s the deal, when you live together before marriage, it is like you signed a contract. “Oh, he didn’t keep his word.” “Oh, she didn’t keep her word.” “We’ll just break it off.” Because it isn’t signed here, it is unwritten, and it is an unspoken expectation. Marriage is not unspoken expectations. Marriage is unconditional. Marriage is covenant. And you vowed to die to yourself. Picking back up in Song of Solomon, she starts talking some more and says this in the last part of 8:5, “…Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth.” She says this. “ 6 Place me like a seal over your heart,” Seal is covenant. God covenants, God seals us with his whole spirit. “seal me over your heart,” that is the emotional bond. “Place me like a seal on your arm; ” That’s the physical bond. “for love is as strong as death,” Meaning it is unyielding. “its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Here’s what she is saying and this is so powerful. Somehow she has envisioned where Solomon was born. Like under the apple tree, but there you were born and you were destined to become one with me. Just like you were born and destined to die, you were born and destined to be my husband, and it is unyielding. It’s going to happen. It had to happen. It’s God’s plan. We have become one and our love is unyielding and as intense as the flames of God. It’s that intense. And this is the second vow you have to make in marriage. I vow to be in a permanent condition, a permanent covenant with my husband or with my wife. I vow to be is a permanent condition, a permanent covenant just like when you are born, you are in a relationship with your parents by virtue of birth. You become a relationship with your spouse by virtue of covenant. By virtue of this divine unconditional two becoming one and you are in a permanent condition. It’s no longer his and hers or her money and my money. It’s ours! It’s one. We’re one! When I counsel friends and couples and they say, “he makes and she makes.” I am like “no, no, no, you all make.” “Well his money goes …”, “No it’s your money too.” Two become one. Bible says, “Your body is my body, your flesh is my flesh.” Two become one, there is no more his and hers. And so listen to this young people, if you are not dating, or you are dating and thinking about marriage; if you are not ready to die to yourselves and become one and there is that hint of selfishness, and you think I can keep doing what I have been doing, Noooo!!! There is a loss, but you lose so that you can GAIN . Just like we sang in the words of that wonderful song, “I die so that I may live.” Isn’t that what it is to become a Christian. “Jesus, I just have to die. Here is all my sins, all my baggage, all my guilt, all my shame, here’s all my junk.” Pour it on the cross and Jesus says, “Ok,” New life, resurrection. Marriage does not work the other way around. Marriage does not work saying, “Here is what I want to do, here’s who I want to be, here’s who I am...a, b, c, d, make that happen honey. I’ll see you at 5.” Noooo, marriage, two become one flesh. Just like Jesus became one with humanity and became a person. And then he prayed in John 17:11 for us CHURCH, “…that they may be one as we are one.” He prayed that we be one, just as Jesus and the Father are one. Marriage symbolizes that oneness. If you look at churches that grow the most, or the best, even though the members are so different, they are unified. They don’t play politics. They refuse to do it. Refuse to do it. When people go there and say, “At my last church we did….” They say, “We aren’t your last church.” They die to the politics, junk and garbage when they come to a spirit led church. They pray for God to lead them and give them a vision and they don’t change that vision when someone comes bringing their baggage with them. When you go into marriage, you come with your bags packed and she comes with her bags packed, and you need to just take them to the dump. And two become one. Permanent condition, permanent condition, anything less is not what God intended. And that scares a lot of people reading this. Scares me because I know there are times when I, when Michael raises his head, and thinks of I instead of we. It scares us and young people if you are thinking about marriage it ought to scare you too because marriage is not your idea. It’s God’s. She goes on in Solomon and says, “7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Here is what she is saying. Love is invincible and love is priceless. Even in those moments where you are drowning and you can’t figure it out. “Many waters can’t quench love.” And love is priceless. Can you, can anybody, CAN ANYBODY put a price tag on what Jesus did on the cross. CAN ANYONE SAY WHAT THAT WAS WORTH! No. Can anybody say what the love of a man and a woman who have died to self, become one flesh, and made each other their priorities, can anyone say what the price of that is worth, no. And we would be foolish to try to buy it. And that is why the third vow you have to make is that next to Christ; your spouse has to become your TOP PRIORITY. Next to Christ, your spouse becomes your top, top, top, 100 percent priority. And you agree to fight for your marriage. You agree that even when the storms rage, to fight for your marriage. You agree to passionately pursue her and to passionately pursue him in the covenant. Just like God pursued Israel and just like God goes to war to keep Israel married to the land, just like God threw a rainbow over the sky to covenant and say never again. You got to have that kind of covenant. Because marriage is not intended to drift around and shift like commitments, you are married and that’s your top priority next to Jesus. And think about this and this is very strong. What if you are the primary channel that God’s love is supposed to flow to your spouse? Ask yourselves that question. Do I love my spouse like Jesus does? Singles, am I capable of loving someone like Jesus does? And you are not, until you have given your life to Jesus. Next to Christ, once that “I pronounce…” happens; sealed, covenant, unconditional, top priority. Part 16 Let me give you a couple practical things that I think will help in being in a covenant relationship. First thing is this, and this is talking to married couples here. You need to have a regular “just the one of us” time. Not the two of us, but just the one, remember two become one. Make it a priority. Date night, whatever, but protect and prioritize, carve out time to reconnect. Let me talk to parents for a minute. You will throw the babysitter excuse up. Here is all I will say; it is better to pay a babysitter now than a divorce attorney later, as I said in the last segment. Because if you make those kids the top priority, when your kid graduates and leaves the nest and you are looking across the bedroom or across the table, you will be looking at a stranger. Because you didn’t keep the “one of us time.” Make it a priority. Number two is this, weigh your words. You want to be in a covenant marriage then you ought to be able to talk about anything. Even on those tough subjects, isn’t it true, it’s not so much what you talk about with your husband or wife, it’s how you talk about it. And so many fights and so much separation could be prevented if you just weighed your words. Watch what you say. Third thing I would say is evaluate and celebrate. Evaluate and celebrate and here is what I mean by evaluate. Evaluate means that you promise and you pledge and you commit to asking her or asking him, “Honey, how am I doing in this?” And you place yourself before God and say, “God, how am I doing?” You know what happens, we just quit paying attention. It’s like we take our cars in when the light comes on and we get the oil changed and the tires rotated. You got to pay attention to your marriage like you pay attention to that car, men. You got to just pay attention, and here’s what I mean by celebrate. When he or she does something that blesses you no matter how small, celebrate it. Thank them, praise them, because the truth is this; what gets celebrated gets repeated in marriage, in anything. That’s a principle for raising your kids too. Whatever you celebrate is going to get repeated. If you celebrate more when they are on the football field than when they open their Bibles or when they make a good grade in school, what do you think the kids are going to drift to? It’s the same in your marriage. It’s the same, what gets celebrated gets repeated. CELEBRATE when your spouse does something that blesses you in the name of Jesus. And the fourth thing, the final thing to remember is that it takes THREE. It will take three: you, him or her, and God. It is not your idea. IT IS NOT YOUR IDEA. It is His, and if you are not connected to the Creator of marriage, your marriage will be destined and doomed for disaster. And here is the truth. If couple will commit to doing these 3 things, I can single-handedly with these 3 pieces of advice reduce the divorce rate to almost zero. --Number 1, BE IN CHURCH TOGETHER. Be in Bible and study together, be in church together. --Number 2, PRAY AND READ YOUR BIBLE WITH EACH OTHER TOGETHER. Just those two things alone drop the divorce rate to 1 in 1052. Those two things above will save you money in counseling and attorneys and save your heart a lot of pain. If you will just take those two thing, 1, 2 things and we’ll go close in pray and we can end this series and if you’ll do those two things we’ll put divorce attorneys out of business. And I want to add a third one. --Number 3, If you would just regularly ask yourself, am I a clean, clear, unobstructive channel for the love of God to flow to my spouse. Singles, this means this. You need to be clean, clear, and unobstructive before you ask the question and put an engagement ring on her finger or ladies before you say, “Yes.” You need to be clean, clear, that means healthy, that means content with who you are in Christ. But in marriage you have to keep the channel clean too. That’s why you have to consistently say, “Am I clean and clear for the love of Christ to flow.” Because here’s the deal, do you know where we get our clues for marriage? We get our clues for marriage from the cross. We get our clues for marriage from this thing called the blood and body of Christ. We get our clues for marriage from what Jesus did for us on the cross. This is because it is a COVENANT. You know what the Bible says about this. It says, “This is the new covenant in my blood poured out for you.” And does God break covenant, NO. Did we do anything to deserve this, no? Jesus went from heaven to Earth. He went all the way and met us right smack dab where we are. We go all the way in our marriages because of Jesus. And it will take three; it will take all of us right here, RIGHT NOW. Pledging to become one. We are going to close this series by looking to the next time we take communion. Because communion symbolizes marriage, but more important it symbolizes that you have become one with Jesus Christ. And if you are not one with Christ, the Bible says don’t take communion. When you do it next time, listen, this is symbolic of what Christ did for us. And marriage is supposed to symbolize that death to self, permanent relationship, and top priority. That’s what communion also symbolizes. So as you do that the next time, remember that as we call to remembrance, we need Jesus, and Jesus has to be in our heart, and for some of you right now you are like I think he is knocking at the door right now. Would you open your heart and enter a covenant with him. He has gone all the way, you don’t have to do anything. He has already done it all. He died, He poured out his broken body and his shed blood to take away your sins and your sin shame and your guilt. And just receive communion and receive fellowship and receive oneness. And when you receive that, that positions you couples; that positions you singles to be able to give that in marriage. Because you can’t give what you never received. And you only receive it from your Creator, from He who created you to be in relationship with Him, from he who created marriage to reflect that relationship. And that is why Jesus wanted us to remember, because everything always goes back to the cross. And on the night that Jesus was betrayed, he took bread and after he had given thanks he broke it. And he said to take and eat; this is my body, which is broken for you. In the same manner after supper he took the cup, and he said, “This cup,” and his words were so cool. He said, “This cup is the NEW COVENANT in my blood which is poured out for you.” As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes again. “Do this in remembrance of me.” Let’s pray: Father we want to remember. Lord I pray we all go back to that time we gave our lives to you. For that succession of moments we gave our lives to you. God if we don’t know what that means, or when that happened, or what that meant, maybe you are speaking to that heart and saying “Let this be your moment. Where you enter into covenant with me.” And if you sense the holy spirit of God knocking on your heart today, I pray that you open your heart and receive what Christ did, you don’t have to do anything, and you receive it. And that positions you to give it in your relationships. God for all of us we say thank you. For all of us we just want to say we remember what you did as we are one with you. Because you died to make us one, you died to bring us back to life; you died for the joy set before you. You endured the cross for us. And God, we take this moment and thank you for the meaning behind it. Thank you God that this means we are one. Thank you that this means you died for us. Thank you that this means you made us your top priority and may we do so in all our relationships. This is your blood, this is your body, and we are your people. In your name we pray, Amen. Briefly, I want to thank so many that encouraged this series and special thanks goes to my pastor which so much of this came from. He is a true rabbi (teacher) and believer. I encourage all to read the book, Love and Respect which was referred to so many times and most of all I want to thank God and His way of gently and at times forcefully helping me to follow his directions. Bless you all and thank you for reading. Michael Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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 6/21/2008 10:11 am |
You ended your series with such a beautiful, heartfelt prayer. Thank you for your commitment to impart understanding of what it means to truly commit to God and one's mate. The Songs of Solomon is one of my favorite scriptures, in it's beauty, romance, and eloquence unsurpassed! Perhaps it is due to my desire to love and be loved with such passion, but with God ever at the head of the relationship. May God richly bless you in your ministry to the masses of Big Church members. Continue to walk SELFLESSLY in HIS LIGHT! Brenda  Greater is He who is within me, than He who is within the world. 
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 6/15/2008 8:14 pm |
Hi Michael - again I enjoyed your post - it's packed so full of information that this series needs to be read many times to receive the fullness of what you have to say - I guess I didn't really understand the importance of marriage to God. I went into two marriages vowing 'until death do us part' - meaning it with my entire being with each other and with God - but it has to be 2 people willing to make a life long covenant - both having good will towards each other - loving and trusting each other - with a willingness to work all issues out - whatever it takes - divorce not being an option at all - with Christ always at the center - and for His purposes - not our purposes. It's what I want in my future. I just thought of that saying about "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." Just substitute the word spouse for country. I like how you use the Song of Solomon here - I like how you talk of dying to yourself on a daily basis - how marriage has no room for selfishness - I like what you say about marriage being God's idea and not ours - love is invincible - love is priceless - and the part about fighting for your marriage and pursuing each other with passion just like God pursued Israel. I like the three practical things + the fourth that it takes 'three' - and your comparison of marriage to communion and the oneness you are with Christ - that's a blood covenant. Thanx so much for sharing this with us - it's really touched my heart!! Hugs  How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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6/15/2008 7:30 pm |
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. If we can not truly commit to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ 100 percent, how then can we deceive ourselves into believing we can marry another human being for life? We cannot, simple as that. Unless we are willing to do it the right way and keep the priorities correct, how will it work? It can not, if we insist on doing it our own way. Is His way not the only way? . . Continue to be faithful, deliverance is near, obedience must be seen, be an unconditional blessing as He continues to bless you. This time is short, serve Him well, serving all. Know? Yes? ? . Meow ? .
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