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Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7)
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Part 7 We are going to start in chapter 2 of Song of Solomon and I am going to give us 5 ways to sort of spell RESPECT for our husbands. 5 ways to help your husbands feel unconditionally respected and to revere and acknowledge and admire your husband the way that Jesus does. And the whole time if you are single in here, the whole time you have to think to yourself is can I give this to someone. If not, it is a question of your heart and Jesus’ empowerment of you and also your maturity and also to make sure you fall in love with character first. All right, here we go. This is her talking about her lover about Solomon. We are going to pick it up in chapter 2, verse 3. A lot of symbolism here so I will try to make it make sense. Here is what she says, “3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. ” Isn’t that coolly poetic. Isn’t that awesome. Here’s what she is saying. “ Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest my lover or Solomon is unique to me. And he is just attractive to me. And he just stands out. And I want to go up to that tree and I want to sit in its shade. I want to spend time with him. I want to be with him. And then his fruit, and fruit are always also symbolic of times of character. His fruit and just being with him and being around his character is something I enjoy. And she says, “I delight to sit in his shade.” Here’s the first way ladies you can spell respect to your husband or to a man. Number 1 is she gives him companionship and that is so important. I want to explain this very carefully and here’s the truth. Woman, a lot of the time, the way you spell companionship is you share a conversation with someone like you have this long talk about an experience or about something. The way men communicate is often times to share that experience or to share that activity and the reason that is sometimes difficult for ladies to understand about a man is because you can’t understand how seemingly doing nothing can be an investment in the relationship. You see men like this thing called shoulder-to-shoulder communication, you know women are more face-to-face, but men like shoulder-to-shoulder. Think about guys around a campfire. Think about this, you ever been riding down the road and gotten behind a pickup truck, and the guy is driving and the girl is right there beside him. There is more to that than meets the eye. It’s not just food for a redneck joke. Men dig and like that kind of companionship. We are wired that way. We want someone to be with and to spend time with and to enjoy this companionship whether it is recreation or whatever. And women this will be so counter-intuitive because here’s the deal, your husband is sitting at home watching TV, and he is like, “Hey baby, come on in here” and your folding the laundry, doing the dishes, or attending to the kids and you are like, “No, what do you want to do.” And he like, “I just want to watch TV with you.” And you are thinking, “That’s such a waste of time.” And then you think, maybe he wants to talk to me. And so you go on in there and you sit down. And you are like maybe he wants to communicate. And the only thing that comes out of his mouth as you are watching the Discovery channel is, “Look at the size of the teeth on that alligator, baby.” And you are like, WHY AM I SITTING HERE. To the man that is hooey gooey companionship and AWESOME stuff. Give him that recreational companionship. It is awesome. Ladies, you don’t have to understand it, just do it. And he will love it and it will make him feel respected. Friend of mine will be down in his home gym with me. Every once in a while his wife will drift in and sit down, you should see him. He becomes like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just in her presence it is awesome the change in him. Listen ladies, shoulder-to-shoulder time with your guy will infuse him with energy, in a way that you can’t understand. But remember this, that I said the husband was sort of the Jesus in the relationship. Remember this, the night Jesus was betrayed, he prayed and he went to the garden. And he took three of his closest, closest disciples. And he said, “Come with me. Watch and pray with me.” And they couldn’t stay awake. They couldn’t give Jesus that companionship in his greatest hour of need. And when he got done praying the first time and he went and woke them up. You can tell in the scriptures he is hurt. Not because he wanted to talk with them. Because he wanted to be … with them, ladies, it is the same way for the men in your life. They will enjoy and be blesses and they need that recreational companionship. It goes on, verse 4 says this, “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.” Here’s what that symbolizes. The banquet hall is obviously a very public place and she is out in public going places of importance, because remember Solomon is the king. So she is going to places of importance with her man. And she says, “his banner over me is love.” In Old Testament times or ancient times when people went to war or went anywhere there was always a banner of identification. Of whom they were following or who they were fighting for or who they were hanging out with. And the banner symbolizes identity; the presence of the king and the banner also symbolizes spiritual blessing and spiritual protection. And she is like I am going where he is going, I am following him and his banner over me is love. So here is the second way she gives him respect. She gives him respect by following his leadership. Now this is where we get into all this “Who says he knows best…etc.” Listen don’t go there. Just understand this is the way God created us. Remember in the first segment that the man is first in responsibility, woman is first on importance, and he has the responsibility to go forth and fill the Earth. He has the responsibility to lay down his life for his woman. To protect her and die for her if necessary, that’s what Jesus did. And so the woman is underneath his leadership. Now this is not male superiority and female inferiority. This is not man lording something over. This is the honest desire of a man’s heart is to place his bride under his banner or under his leadership in order to protect her. This women because his banner over her WAS NOT DOMINATION but was love. This woman was like I’d gladly go with him to the banquet hall. I’d gladly follow him. And she submits to that. The worst thing that can happen in a marriage is for a woman to never ever just sort of follow her husband leadership. Now I am not saying it is a dictatorship. But what I am saying is that if your husband, the man in your life has a good idea, and ladies, you always have a better idea. There is something wrong with that. That you continue to make your man passive, and the church is suffering, and communities are suffering because of passive men. You know that in church alone, 60 percent of churchgoers are women. 40 percent are men. And men have become passive spiritually, they have become passive emotionally, they have become passive with their families. Ladies you have to help your husband come out and allow him to lead. Never ever attack your husbands right to lead. Honor him in public as she did in the banquet hall. Honor him in front of the kids. And respect his leadership in front of the kids. When things go well and he made a good decision, praise him. When he makes a dumb decision and things go bad, practice grace. Jesus had just told his disciples that he was going to go die for him. He was going to found the Church on his death and resurrection. And Peter said this to Jesus, “No, you will never have to die. You will never have to lay down your life.” And Jesus’ response was, “Get behind me Satan.” Now guys, never call your wives Satan. It won’t go over too well. Just a little bit of marital counseling, don’t do that. But here is the point Jesus was making. It is my responsibility to go to the cross and to die for you, to create the church, the bride, and to make her beautiful and whole and first in importance. Men have this desire too. Not to go to the cross, that’s been done but to lead, protect and provide. And so ladies you have got to allow them to do that. Goes on verse 5 and 6, now some of you are waiting for this part so here it is. “Strengthen me with raisins, ” raisins enhanced love, let me say it that way, in ancient times. “refresh me with apples,” Really should say pomegranates, which were a sexual symbol. “for I am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” They are in an intimate position. So ladies, here is all the men want me to teach I am sure. She appreciates her husband physically and satisfies him sexually. That is part of the make up of the marriage relationship. Women don’t understand this. There was a man filling out an application where it said name, age, s.ex and the man put not enough. Ok, you don’t understand this, but it is just the way we are made, it’s the way we are wired. I heard this story a guy had just finished a marriage conference and his wife was down there asking questions and talking to some people and heard this story. There was a daughter who called her Mom on the phone and said, “Mom, I just don’t know what is wrong with my husband, he’s all in a twit and all messed up and do you have any idea what it is. I think it might have to do something with the fact that we haven’t been intimate in a while.” And the mother got real mad with her daughter and said, “Honey, how can you be so insensitive. For something that takes so little amount of time and makes him so happy, you should be doing that.” Ok now that the mood is lightened up here, let me talk about it this way. Here’s the deal. Your desire first is for emotional and spiritual connection. And when that happens you are ready to go and give a physical connection. Men are just the opposite. Men have a desire to connect physically, for them that becomes the deep connection of spiritual emotional intimacy. It’s just the opposite and a lot of times I see this in marriages where the woman is like, My emotional needs are not getting met, your physical needs may have changed or something. But you want him to keep meeting your emotional needs but you’re not willing to meet his physical needs. And to deprive each other is a sin. Let me read this. I don’t want to distract from the message but this is very important. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul says this, “ Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Too many times ladies open themselves up to satanic attack because of physical deprivation. And that’s wrong, and that is a subtle form of disrespect for your husband. The whole thing, that I am not in the mood. It’s not about your mood, it’s about how you spell love and respect to your husband. And it is so important that you appreciate him physically and try to satisfy him sexually. It’s different I understand that. I understand that but it is how God has wired us to make it. Men have a responsibility in that and we will delve into that in the segment with parts 9-12. But for this segment, His banner over me is love and she longs to be with him in that intimate bedroom embrace. Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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6/5/2008 10:02 am |
You give us ladies a lot of good 'men secrets' here Michael - things that men just think we should automatically know without us being told - we are not mindreaders - sometimes we just need a glimpse through the men's blue glasses to get a few clues as to what we need to do to actually accomplish this 'impossible' looking task of 'unconditional respect' - thanx for giving us that glimpse. PS - I'm sure you will get back at me about the 'mindreaders' remark in your next section about men loving unconditionally.   How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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6/5/2008 5:37 am |
Hi Michael! Another good lesson I will use at the right time, right place. I'm going to read the man's side too because it will give me a complete understanding of the woman and man's responsibility in the bedroom.....although for me....it all boils down to God, doesn't? I love Jim. I find great joy in him and desire for him to have joy in me. Hmmmmm....much to learn...much to learn....keep teaching!!  Peace,Beth In all thy ways ackowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:6
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6/4/2008 6:17 pm |
HI, I didn't know that just sitting there was respecting him. I was the one who was folding the clothes, washing the dishes, taking care of the children, and thinking, He doesn't love me. He makes me do all the work. If he loved me he would help me. And he's thinking, if she respected me she would be with me. Wow I didn't know. No wonder we grew apart. I knew I was in trouble when he wanted to take me hunting in the green jumper suit he bought me. 
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6/4/2008 2:39 pm |
Hello brother I wanted to share a study that the Lord gave me on how I can be a help mate to my husband. I hope you are blesses by it... The LORD said that it is not good for man to be alone so I (God) shall make him a help mate (Gen 2:1  ; This is because two are better than one, and these will have a good reward for their labor, and if one of them falls, the other can lift him up. (Ecc 4:9-10) This is why those who find a good wife will have favor from the Lord (Prov18:22) A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but a woman who brings shame is like decay in his bones (Prov 12:4) A prudent (or understanding) wife is worth more than precious jewels, and the heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he lacks nothing of value. (31:10-11) For the man is not of the woman, but the woman for the man, because the woman was created for the man (1Cor 11:8-9) ; The woman (who has been made good by God) does not usurp authority over her man, but is rather silent (meaning;- she doesn’t nag him if he says no) but rather subjects herself to him within all things (meaning;- she doesn't want to do things without his approval)(1Tim 2:12-11) ; This is because God says she is the weaker vessel. (1 Pet 3  ) This virtuous woman can do good things for her husband all the days of her life (because she asks God to help her do this) (Prov 31:12); This woman is loving, and her breasts satisfy him always, and he is captivated by her love, (which love is between man and woman). (Prov 5:19) This woman finds favor, and is highly esteemed in the sight of God, and man because she does not lean on her "OWN" understanding, but (asks God to help her) trust in the Lord with all her heart, so that He would direct her paths. (Prov 3:4-6) She is able to teach others these good things, (only after she has learned them, and is able to apply them) and she is holy (meaning has this understanding, see Prov 9:10) she is not a false accuser, and she can teach the younger women in the faith," how to" love, and obey their husbands, so that the word of God would not be blasphemed. This is all because she has learned to speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine. (Titus 2:3-5 & 1) And, in all things, she has (learned how) to show a pattern of good works: in sound doctrine which is incorrupt, in purity, in sincerity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose her may be ashamed, because they have nothing bad to say about her. (2 - This woman is also known for distributing to the needs of the saints, entertaining strangers, and being given to hospitality with gratefulness. (Rom 12:13, 1Pet 4:9, Heb 13:2) She is able to continue to do these good things, because she can boldly come to the throne of grace, so that she may obtain mercy from God, by asking Him for His grace, and mercy so that she can be helped in her time of need (Heb 4:16). This woman’s name is written in the book of life because she can help those who labor in the word of God, and doctrine for those who are worthy of double honor who have the same mind as the Lord. (Phil 4:3-2, 1 Tim 5:17) This gracious woman is also known for her good works, meaning;- lodging strangers, relieving the afflicted, and washing the saints with the word of God. (1Tim 5:10) We don’t know anything about love, unless we know that love edifies others in the wisdom, and knowledge of God (Eph 4:16) which love edifies, and builds people up by writing these things down for others (so that others may study, learn, and meditate upon these things) (Es 9:30, 1Cor4:14, 14:26, Eph 4:29, 4:16, 1Thess 5:11, Rom 15:2, 1Tim 1:4) These are the good works that are becoming of women professing godliness (or a knowledge of God) (1Tim 2:10); And all of this is because these godly women ASKED God for His gift to create Christ in them by His workmanship, so that they could do these good works, without their boasting. (that they did them themselves)(Eph 2:10- ; This Gift of God work upon us, needs to be asked for (Jn 4:10); These women have been (made) good by God, because they "asked" God to "crucify" them with Christ, so that it would no longer be "THEM" living, (for their own selves) but CHRIST in them, (so that they could live unto God for others) and the life they now live is by the faith OF the Son of God who loved them enough to die for them so that God could crucify them so that they would not frustrate the GRACE of God (Gal 2:20-21). And all of this is so that 1. They could go on to consider others, and 2. Provoke them to love, and 3. To do these good things (Heb 10:24); These women have been freed by Christ from the bondage of sin, so that they could (ask God to give them the) patience to wait through the Spirit, for this righteous, and loving ability, which can serve others by (this) love. (Gal 5:1,5-6&13) We need to "learn how" to come from (OUR) faith (which is spoken of in all the world see Rom 1: to (CHRIST’S) faith. (Which is spoken of in this world only by FEW see Matt 9:37, Lk 10:2, 1 Cor 4:15). (Rom 1:17) We are not saved by “OUR” faith, but the faith OF CHRIST (Gal 2:20) These are the good, and profitable things for women who believe in God, so that they might be careful (to ask God to help them do and) maintain these good things. (Titus 3: Have you asked of God to open/circumcise your heart? Then God can cause you to attend to these good things, which were spoken of by Paul. (Acts 16:14) Without asking God to open up your understanding of the scriptures, you cannot understand the scriptures. (Lk 24:45)Friendships cause conflict FELLOWSHIP unites people in the WORD in ONE mind by doctrine Acts 2:46,42
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