 | Blogs > deepestfaith > Mesianic Viewpoints > Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) |
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Part 4 If you haven’t read parts 1-3 I ask you to do that first, because this is the final part of Section 1 and culminates them. Next week we will start on Section 2 with the 4 parts that talk to women, and then Section 3 that talks to the men and then finish with my favorite section, the last one which I feel is the best. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Let me start with saying something for couples, actually for all of us. The tendency will be to sometimes justify your behavior. “I’m justified in stonewalling my wife. I’m justified in speaking harshly to my wife. I’m justified in disrespecting my husband with my language, with my tone of voice. I’m justified…” when we ought to be confessing!!! When we ought to be saying, “God, I spoke to my wife in the worst way. God, I have shut my heart off from my wife which is like strangling her because she wants my love and communications. We ought to be confessing instead of justifying. If there is more justifying than confessing going on in your marriage or relationship, then we know we got some work to do, and it’s ok, we are all broken and fallen people. But God and Christ wants to restore. If there is a tendency to refuse to apologize or it takes days to apologize. You know a preacher once said two things to a couple that was getting married. He said, Never go to bed angry.” And “fight naked.” You know, that is the best pre-marital counsel I have ever heard. But, you got to be quick to make amends. Because it’s a cycle, it’s a cycle, it is a cycle, and the longer the cycle goes of disrespect and withholding love, the deeper the divisions in the marriage grows. You have to cut it off at night. You have to cut it off before you go to bed. It’s that important. Let me ask a question to the ladies. Where does your partner get the greatest amount of respect; from his career, from his buddies, from the golf course or from you? Would you work to correct that this week, this month with God’s help? Men, does your woman feel like you love her, like Jesus loves the church? Is she having to look for love in all the wrong places because you are withholding agape, Christ-like love from her? We got to work on it. Let me give you 3 things to sort of practice on. They are to sort of practice this then I will close this section. The first thing is this, PAUSE!!! Pause, before you respond to your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband or whatever, before you respond, it could be a 2 second or a 2 millisecond depending on how good you are at this, PAUSE, before those words come out of your mouth that you are going to have to attempt to justify or have to confess or have to apologize for later on. Just pause. If your partner says something to you that hurts you or doesn’t say something to you like men stonewalling; pause for a second and say to yourself, “Maybe he is crying out for more respect. Maybe she is crying out for more love. Is my response going to give that respect or give that love or widen the division.” Just pause. Second, daily, practice; men once a day at least, would you try to give agape love to your spouse. Ladies once a day at least, would you try to give agape or unconditional respect to your man. Just practice. And the third thing is a question for couples to ask. And if you are thinking about marrying someone you have to ask this question too. Next to Jesus, do you feel like you are my top priority? And just listen. That will keep your marriage close to Ephesians 5:33. Now the last thing which is the most challenging thing, is this; Who goes FIRST? It’s a cycle right? Who’s going to go first? The husbands? The wives? Obeying Ephesians 5:33 must be done in faith. OBEYING EPHESIANS 5:33 MUST BE DONE IN FAITH. It is not logical, it does not make sense to our flesh, to our nature, but it must be acted upon in faith in the God who created marriage!!! And when we act in faith it unleashes a power and a potential that we have never known. You see, Jesus Christ died to have a relationship with you. And when you stand at the alter and say until death does us part, you got to mean it. That you are willing to go to the cross for your bride, for your groom; that you are willing to die to keep this connection or to deepen this connection or to make it stronger. That’s God’s plan for marriage. I hope and pray that all of us raise our commitment as we wrestle through the next 3 sections of this series. Amen. Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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 6/7/2008 1:59 pm |
I agree 100% we should be confessing rather than justifying our actions, with excuses. John 14:6 - Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me
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6/3/2008 3:32 pm |
Very good post...we are held to a high standard aren't we, especially if you consider how Christ loves the church...can that even be fathomed? To me that signifies an evergrowing, evermaturing love...unlimitless and unending. Wow to be loved like that by a man...I truly can't imagine it, because I have never experienced it. Talk about heaven on earth! He is no fool if he should choose to lose the things he cannot keep to gain what he can never lose.....Jim Elliott Deena 
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5/31/2008 6:17 pm |
"deepestfaith replies on 5/31/2008 7:01 pm: I promise, the answer to who goes first, will be addressed. All things come to those that wait. I would tell you the section and part, but that would give it away." You are such a tease Michael!!  How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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5/31/2008 4:58 pm |
Comment #2 - Just wanted to add that pride has no place in a relationship - pride can really break a relationship down - and comes into play in that 'crazy cycle' of not showing love or respect for the other person. And the Bible says "pride comes before the fall" - don't know the exact scripture number and all but know most of us are familiar with it. Blessings again!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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5/31/2008 4:49 pm |
Wow Michael - you are giving us some meat here to chew on - some of it might even have some gristle in it and we may have to chew awhile -  - depending on where we are at in this process. The thing I would like to address here is your question on "Who's going to go first?" You don't really answer it directly - but it put me in mind of Dr. Phil and him often saying to couples "we need a hero here - who is going to step up and be that hero" - I think that this statement can apply in this case also. Not that it's a competition or anything - it should never be that - but who has a willing heart to make the first move to improve the relationship - it's not about one-upmanship - it's about love and peace and joy in the relationship - it's about us decreasing to allow Him to increase in the relationship and getting the Lord back into the center of the relationship. It's about being obedient to God's Word - it's about willingly sacrificing for your loved one.Another thought that comes to mind - and again from Dr. Phil - he often says "do you want to be right or do you want this relationship to heal". Some people - men and women included - just have to be right - no matter the cost - that's not where God wants us to be - that's not what relationships should be about. That can quickly put us on the "crazy cycle" to never get off of it again. It can make you really 'crazy' - been there done that sort of thing - I remember throwing a big full glass of sweet tea at my ex-husband once during a 'crazy cycle' - that was such a mess to clean up - never did that again. I really like the three point's to practice on: pause, practice, and keeping your spouse in the right priority as per Biblical perspective. If married folks applied that to their marriage - the crazy cycles might start but wouldn't stay going very long - love and respect would be in their rightful places in the relationship - less divorces - in my opinion. Thanx for an excellent article and B's & H's!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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