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deepestfaith 62M
113 posts
5/16/2008 6:16 pm

Last Read:
5/20/2011 5:50 pm

Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife


The subject for this post is Self Esteem because in the last 4 months, I have heard so many stories from people emailing me about how their past boyfriends or husbands mentally abused them. In some cases it has been parents.

After receiving no less that 30-40 of these, I started wondering why someone would do this to another. I also wondered why someone would allow another to do this. There were many possible reasons that came to mind but I am sure you all do not want a post the size of an encyclopedia.

My pondering made a shift after reading a story last February. Since I have been a manager for 23 of my 26 or so years working, I learned that; The value you put on a person greatly affects the way they value themselves. Isn't that prophetic? This was further reinforced when I was reading the book 3:16 by Max Lacado. In it he tells a story about the 8-cow wife. I would like to share that story with you now :

---------------------------------
My trip to the Kiniwata Island was a memorable one. The thing I remember most was "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife." I’m reminded of it every time I see a woman belittle her husband or a wife wither under her husband’s scorn.

Johnny Lingo is known throughout the islands for his skills, intelligence, and savvy. Johnny is also one of the sharpest traders in the islands. He can get you the best possible deals. Yet, when they speak of him, they always smile just a little mockingly.

In Kiniwata, I went to the manager of the guesthouse to see who he thought would be a good fishing guide. "Johnny Lingo," said the manager. "He’s the best around. When you go shopping, let him do the bargaining. Johnny knows how to make a deal."

"Johnny Lingo can make a deal alright!" hooted a nearby boy.

"What’s going on?" I demanded.

"Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then they start laughing. Please, let me in on the joke."

"Oh, the people like to laugh," the manager said, "Johnny’s the brightest and strongest young man in the islands. He’s also the richest for his age."

"If he’s all you say he is, why does everyone laugh at him behind his back?"

"Well, there is one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He gave her father eight cows!"

I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. A dowry of two or three cows would net a fair wife and four or five cows would net a very nice wife.

"Wow!" I said. "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away."

"She’s not ugly, …" he conceded "… but calling her ‘plain’ would definitely be a compliment. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid he wouldn’t be able to marry her off. Instead of being stuck with her, he got eight cows for her. This price has never been paid before."

"Yet, you called Johnny’s wife ‘plain?’ "

"I said it would be a compliment to call her plain. She was skinny and she walked with her shoulders hunched and head ducked. She was scared of her shadow."

"Well," I said, "I guess there’s just no accounting for love."

"True enough." agreed the man. "That’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get satisfaction from the fact the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."

"But how?"

"No one knows, but wonders. All the cousins urged Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny would pay only one. To their surprise Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, ‘Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your .’ "

I wanted fish and pearls, so the next afternoon I went to the island of Nurabandi. As I asked directions to Johnny’s house, I noticed Johnny’s neighbors were also amused at the mention of his name. When I met the slim, serious young man I could see immediately why everyone respected his skills. However, this only reinforced my confusion over him.

As we sat in his house, he asked me, "You come here from Kiniwata?"

"Yes."

"They speak of me on that island?"

"Yes. They say you can provide me anything I need. They say you’re intelligent, resourceful, and the sharpest trader in the islands."

He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."

"Yes, I know."

"They speak of her?"

"A little."

"What do they say?"

"Why, just … ." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."

"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.

"They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."

"They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"

I nodded.

"And in Nurabandi, everyone knows it too?" His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."

So that’s the answer, I thought: Vanity.

Just then Sarita entered the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still for a moment to smile at her husband and then left. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle in her eyes all spelled self-confidence and pride. Not an arrogant and haughty pride, but a confident inner beauty that radiated in her every movement.

I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me.

"You admire her?" he murmured.

"She … she’s gorgeous." I said. "Obviously, this is not the one everyone is talking about. She can’t be the Sarita you married on Kiniwata."

"There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps, she doesn’t look the way you expected."

"She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."

"You think eight cows was too many?" A smile slid over his lips.

"No, but how can she be so different from the way they described her?"

Johnny said, "Think about how it must make a girl feel to know her husband paid a very low dowry for her? It must be insulting to her to know he places such little value on her. Think about how she must feel when the other women boast about the high prices their husbands paid for them. It must be embarrassing for her. I would not let this happen to my Sarita."

"So, you paid eight cows just to make your wife happy?"

"Well, of course I wanted Sarita to be happy, but there’s more to it than that. You say she is different from what you expected. This is true. Many things can change a woman. There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside. However, the thing that matters most is how she views herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value she projected. Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands. It shows, doesn’t it?"

"Then you wanted …"

"I wanted to marry Sarita. She is the only woman I love."

"But …" I was close to understanding.

"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife."

The above story was based partially on an article found in Reader’s Digest (February, 1988 ). The original work was copyrighted by Patricia McGerr in 1965.

Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do your words and actions make your mate feel he/she is worth eight cows or just one cow? Don’t make the mistake of causing your spouse to feel like he/she is worth only one cow. If you do, they will probably start acting like a one cow wife/husband.

This principle can also be applied to the way you treat others. Many problems can be eliminated at work and church if we only treated others with more respect. Think about the value you put on people. As a general rule, people respond according to the value you place on them.

-portions contributed by Biblehelp.org.


mostamazing 68F

10/1/2008 12:18 am

Michael, Michael, Michael--you've done it again; spoken up for the beauty and value of a much-loved woman.

Will you be holding any seminars for our dear brothers any time soon?

I had heard this story--probably "back in the day" when it was in Readers' Digest! I remember thinking how sweet it was that a woman should be so beloved and that a man should be so unashamedly generous in his love for her. Whatta guy!

Elizabeth


deepestfaith replies on 10/2/2008 5:50 am:
Just did one a few weekends ago. Presently there are a couple scheduled in January that I do every year. Will let you know if more get scheduled.

travelbuggy 112F

6/2/2008 3:40 am

i cried for i know how it feels to be told that you are inferior
now since my husband died ;i dont feel that way anymore
i respected him ;and he did everything to bring me down anytime anywhere
so i do apreciate the story;
i do understand the rewards of always doing the things that are right and kind towards others ;
vina the travelbuggy


jeninthegreen 65F

5/21/2008 2:23 am

Love this blog as it really speaks to my heart and my greatest wish for every woman or to-be-bride! This reminds me of a movie I saw a few years ago called "Shallow Hal" whose perception was changed one day. If you haven't seen this film it really is is funny and speaks a deeper truth into our society like the writing by Max L...

Again you have addressed a social problem with love and graciousness and I thank you for being a spiritual mentor in this time of transition where I need as much spiritual shoring-up and I can possibly get right now moving back into an environment where I am statistically not valued by family but anointed by a Heavenly Father beyond words. I'm writing this on a laptop on a drafting table and because it is a little uncomfortable I will have to keep this letter short but wish to say that I value what you have done here and keep the blogs and love pouring out - that is obedience and that is far greater than sacrafice!

Sincerely,

Jennifer Ryan


daniewal 67M

5/17/2008 2:39 pm

Amen Brother!

Thank you for helping us to see the value or gifts in others.

A thought came to mind;

Would vs. Should

For a long time now I have felt that this is the most mis-leading change of God's Golden Rule that many people use to justify their actions.

Worlds viewpoint
Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Christ's Golden Rule
Matthew 7:12
12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

As you can see the action behind the worlds viewpoint leaves you open to any kind of behavior whithout any conviction. While the action behind God's Golden Rule was to exhort people unto good works as an example for others.

I must be the first to confess that I too followed this worldly idea until God showed me how foolish my actions were before Him and others. I thank Him for His Mercy and Forgiveness for my past and the desire to help others to see the gifts of God all around us.

May God continue to use you as a vessle of insight for us!


floridagal2 66F
1960 posts
5/17/2008 9:54 am

Beautiful story...not only did it show the need to value one another but also how people "become" they way you treat them...if you want a better partner, treat them as though they already are one, and be that type of person yourself.


He is no fool if he should choose to lose the things he cannot keep to gain what he can never lose.....Jim Elliott


Deena


cannergirl
(Candi )
55F

5/16/2008 7:01 pm

Michael, what a great story and how true it is! Thanks for sharing it with us!!