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I have read this for over 10 years since making it and I pray it helps all as much as it has helped me. Also, part of the motivation in writing this was I had an experience a little over a week ago. Another member of BigChurch and I had been talking on the phone. Upon hearing I was divorced and it was not from adultery, she broke off all communication with me after saying God only approves of divorce from adultery. Most of us are aware that scriptually there are 2 reasons and only 2 that he has allowed divorcing. They are yes adultery, but also abandonment. It is moot anyhow, because what was worse in my opinion is that I was judged by a Christian and several of the things in this post were not done in this situation. I do not judge her, but only pray harder for her and that she searches God's word for the whole truth, and reopens Communicating According to the Scriptures. I also dedicate this post to her and pray that it will encourage her. 1. Listen and do not interrupt. Prov. 18:3 (Amp ) He who answers a matter before he hears the facts, it is folly and shame unto him. John 7:51 (Amp ) Does our law convict a man without giving him a hearing and finding out what he has done? James 1:19 (Ph )Knowing this then dear brothers, let every man be quick to listen, slow to use his tongue and slow to loose his temper. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 2. Do not be hasty in your words. Prov. 15:23 (KJV ) A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: a word spoken in due season, how good it is! Prov. 15:28 (LB ) A good man thinks before he speaks; an evil man pours out his evil words without a thought. Prov. 29:20 (NIV ) Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 3. Always speak the truth in love. Eph. 4:15(Ph ) But we are meant to speak the truth in love, and to grow up in every way into Christ, the head. Eph. 4:25 (LB ) Stop lying to each other, tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves.. Col. 3:9 (Living Bible ) Don’t tell lies to each other; it was your old life with all of its wickedness that did that sort of thing; now it is dead and gone. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 4. Do not argue when you disagree. Prov. 17:14 (Amp ) The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles [from a crack in a dam]; therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out. Eph. 4:31 (Living Bible ) Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 5. Do not respond in anger. Prov. 15:1 (NIV ) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 6. Be willing to admit when you are wrong. James 5:16 (LB ) Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. Romans 12:16b (Ph ) Don’t get set in your own opinions. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 7. Practice forgiveness. Eph, 4:32 (Ph ) Be kind to each other, be compassionate. Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. Col. 3:13 (LB ) Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 8. Do not keep pushing your point. Prov. 10:19] (NASB ) 19When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Prov. 21:19 (NIV ) Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Prov. 26:21 (NIV ) As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 9. Do not judge or criticize. Romans 14:13 (Ph ) Let us stop turning critical eyes on one another. Let us rather be critical or our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall. Gal. 6:1 (Ph ) Even if a man should be detected in some sin, my brothers, the spiritual ones among you should quietly set him back on the right path, not with any feeling of superiority, but being yourselves on guard against temptation. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 10. Do not avenge yourselves. Romans 12:17, 18, 21 (Ph ) Don’t pay back a bad turn by a bad turn to anyone. See that your public behavior is above criticism. Never take vengeance in your own hands, my dear friends; stand back and let God punish if He will. Don’t allow yourself to be overpowered by evil. Take the offensive- overpower evil with good! 1 Peter 3:8&9 (LB ) And now this word to all of you: You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with humble minds. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t snap back at those who say unkind things about you. Instead pray for God’s help for them, for we are to be kind to others, and God will bless us for it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (Amp ) = The Amplified Bible (KJV ) = King James Version (Ph ) = The New Testament, in Modern English, by J. B. Phillips (NIV) = New International Version (NASB ) = New American Standard Bible (LB ) = Living Bible Kudos to Raymond Hodge, a local elder who did most the work on this. Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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5/13/2008 5:40 am |
Glad you shared that Michael. Sorry for you but glad you found out early how this person misunderstands scripture. I would also think physical abuse would warrant divorce. I believe God would rather divorce which he hates, over getting murdered by a spouse. We must take all scriptures into account when understanding scripture. She evidently is not doing that yet. I get this alot from ppl. using one or two scriptures for their whole stance on a subject. It takes knowing God's Word, and maturity in Christ, to start using all scripture in understanding God's ways and teaching on a given topic. You handled it well brother, Blessings in Jesus "our God and our Saviour" Robin "There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still" Corrie Tenboom
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5/8/2008 7:00 pm |
Once again I agree with you. You also made a good point about abandonment in your opening statement. Sometimes we as christians are taught some thngs from the bible as we are growing up in the church and we need to examine scripture for ourselves and expand our horizons because the bible says if your spouse leaves you it is ok to divorce them. You can be married to someone and they can abandon you and still be in the marriage.
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 5/5/2008 8:15 pm |
I really like this post and the scriptures you quote - I especially like the speaking the truth in love part!! Think I will print this out for myself!! Blessings Michael!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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 5/5/2008 12:34 am |
Yet in Ephesians 4:26, the apostle Paul says: 'Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath'. I think it's clear from the life of Jesus and from the letters of Paul and John that there is a place for anger - especially righteous anger or indignation - in the Christian life. Indeed, it is sometimes necessary for the glory of God, hence Paul's letter to the Galatians and Jesus' actions when cleansing the Temple. Tony 
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5/1/2008 4:43 am |
Your fifth point was: 5. Do not respond in anger. Prov. 15:1 (NIV ) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Is it never right to respond in anger? What about Jesus and the cleansing ot he temple? Or are you just thinking of your persoanl relationships? But even there, isn't there a place for righteous anger? Just a thought! Tony
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4/29/2008 9:39 am |
Oh, I didn't catch the part about your BC friend until after I read Steve's comment here. I am so sorry that happened to you. She obviously isn't the one for you. It still hurts while it is happening, though, huh? I pray that God brings you a wonderful woman, one who will accept you completely. God bless you!
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4/29/2008 8:01 am |
Sorry to hear about the break-off. It's unfortunate that some people have that misconception about divorce. What's even worse is, some pastors ( and certain churches ) have that same misconception, and the person who is divorced ( except for the grounds of fornication ) is treated like a second class Christian. They are not allowed to contribute anything to the church; except their tithe. So, people that God has forgiven ( of all their sins ), and gifted to be used in the Body of Christ, are forbidden to work in just about most ministries. It's really sad. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 1 Cor. 2: 7
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4/29/2008 7:50 am |
Very well said. If I may add that the old and new testament both read in the right context of their times and questions, indeed indicate adultery, but oh so much more....for it is not just adultery in the sense of a man or woman, but also anything that has taken that person's eyes off you such as gambling, drinking, pornography.....in short....abandonment. Sometimes we can get so bogged down in literal sense as taught by others instead of studying it inside and out, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to us, read different views. I didn't want to conform, but I did want truth....not perceived truth....but truth no matter what the answer was. Thank you for the list. I'm going to print it out and put it in my Bible for Jim and I.  Peace,Beth In all thy ways ackowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:6
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4/29/2008 7:38 am |
I love this Michael.Thank you for posting it. GOD BLESS, Wendy  Show me the way Sweet JESUS. Lead and i Will follow.  
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4/29/2008 4:34 am |
 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14: 27  
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4/29/2008 4:32 am |
Good stuff! I am saving it to my hard drive for future reference! Thank you so much for posting this!
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