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Submit does not mean slavery.
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Seldom does a week go by that a woman tells me verbally or in an email that they submitted to their husband, but he… Ok, that actually happened 5 times this last week. Therefore started my process on another blog post. First I prayed for the spirit to help me comprehend God’s will concerning this. Then I broke out several books in my collection; next I called a few Theologians I know to discuss this. In 3 verses, the Bible mentions to Submit or be submissive to your husbands. Let’s take for our example: Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. J Vernon McGee writes, “I have been doing some research on that word submit, and I have rather startling things to tell you. The word submit relative to wives needs to be understood a little differently from the way it has in the past. It is not ‘Wives, obey your husbands.” Submit is a very mild word. It is a loving word. It means to respond to your own husband as unto the Lord. The way we respond to the Lord is that we love Him because He first loved us. And notice that it says “unto your own husbands” A very personal loving relationship is the ground for submission. Paul is definitely speaking to believers about Christian marriage,” What men never bring up when they quote this, is that following these 3 verses, are 9 more that tell men what to do. I find it ironic that God uses 3 times the words in teaching men what to do and they are wondering why the women don’t do it when the family leader also fails to listen to the Bible. Monkey see, monkey do. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Some women get beat by men for not submitting. Do these men ” 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. “ I don’t know about you, but I have yet to see a man beat himself, cuss at himself, or abuse himself. Notice in the instructions to husbands that love is use 6 times. This validates that through love, one gets submission and that submit is the result of a loving relationship. Let me say that again because so often it is backwards and a woman things that by submission, her husband should love her. It is because the husband loves her that she submits. Because God loves us, we submit. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One day a friend was telling me that his wife never tells him she loves him and that she is very cold to him. I responded immediately that it was his fault. He looked like a bomb had gone off at his feet. I asked him if he told her that he loved her. He said she knows I do. When a man says he has a cold wife or girlfriend, it is because he is cold. Monkey see monkey do. A man is the one who proposes and the woman gets to say “Yes” No woman should also be asked to say I love you until the man does. Ephe 33. and the wife see that she reverence her husband. The husband is the spiritual leader and the wife the follower. In Song of Solomon 1:15 the bridegroom says, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold thou art fair..."and she responds Song 2:16 "My beloved is mine, and I am his..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The final part of this post is about the unsaved. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Submitting to a husband was not meant to help produce a husband that is exalted that physically or emotionally is ungodly. I do not believe God intends for a wife to submit to an unsaved husband that would order her to do things that go against her walk with God. Colossians 3:18 "Wives, submit yourselves unto you own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." Many times, a woman submits to drunkenness, adultery, gambling, and other things by their husbands. They feel that as a Christian that they should stay with them. This is dangerous because she loses her personality, dignity and she can find herself to his level if she submits to that. I have seen many young Christian girls go to bars because their boyfriends, dates or husbands go and take them there. She is to submit, “as it is fit in the Lord.” ------------------------------------- I appreciate the comments sent to me in emails, but feel sad for those that don't get to hear and see what others say to me that might help them too. Therefore, send emails if you prefer, but if it doesn't matter, please post them here so others might find them helpful as I do too. Thanks for reading. Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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5/15/2008 7:56 am |
Hi Michael Very good piece of work. I know God put us together for a reason, just so I could read this. Ask a friend about this and did not get much elaberation on it. How would you know if a man felt this way before marriage? What would be the right question to ask? I would not want to affend anyone, and it seems like when you ask what submit means to them, they use the work submit back. I have heard a lot of great sermons on this subject but that does't mean that the right person heard them. Beside we are all a work in progress and at different stages in our relation with Christ. Please help me out here! Your friend in Christ
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5/5/2008 7:24 pm |
deepestfaith replies on 5/5/2008 4:32 pm: I agree, 'humbly cooperate' is a lot better in today's time. I believe the reason for submit in the Bible is that in biblical times it was more of a feudal system with kings, princes, etc. The higher people in the system insisted on obediance of those below them in the system. One didn't ask for cooperation even in the case of one king versus another in most cases. The more powerful ones insisted on it. You're right about submission in our history Michael - I guess I'm talking more about 'humbly cooperating' with my wonderful Savior - He's my best example of what a husband should be as provider - protector - comforter - teacher - lover of my soul - etc. How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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5/5/2008 12:45 pm |
Michael - growing up with a very strict step-dad - the word 'submit' seems harsh to me even these days - the words I like to use instead are 'humbly cooperate' - it just feels gentler to me and means the same thing in my mind. Great article - very thought provoking!! Blessings!! How can we NOT praise Him - Marilyn
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4/29/2008 3:59 am |
"MyGod"'s post was right on to me. Our pastor refers to this "yielding to one another" as being "Each for the other and both for the Lord." One of the greatest acts of love is deference. When we defer, we take the time to consider one another's viewpoint, take that to Scripture and weigh it against the Word, and then humbly examine our hearts to decide if we are in an area of precept or preference. If precept, we are to quietly encourage, exhort, and pray. If preference, we can leap off the cliff of love and make the sacrifice of our "right" to a different way. I can't tell you how many times my beloved husband was overwhelmed with appreciation when I would go from a "No way!" in my mind to a "Let me think about that..." and then onto an "I will absolutely support you in this!"
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4/26/2008 6:08 pm |
I also note that a very ,very important verse was not added, as acknowledged by MYGODBTOTH . IN EPHESIANS 4,vs 17-21: THEREFORE, DO NOT BE FOOLISH, BUT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE LORD'S WILL IS. DO NOT GET DRUNK ON WINE, WHICH LEADS TO DEBAUCHERY. INSTEAD, BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT. SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER WITH PSALMS, HYMNS AND SPIRITUAL SONGS. SING AND MAKE MUSIC IN YOUR HEART TO THE LORD, ALWAYS GIVING THANKS TO GOD THE FATHER FOR EVERYTHING, IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST. *********************** If humankind could focus on these verses, ALSO, GOD'S TOTAL INTENT COULD BE FULFILLED IN ONE'S MARRIAGE. We would all have GOD centered marriages, and struggles for control would cease. Both would treat each other with reverence and gentleness, and respect, and we would all come to understand the true meaning of love . Thanks for a great post! + Greater is He who is within me, than He who is within the world. 
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4/26/2008 3:42 pm |
Wow! You have said a mouthful here, Michael! I agree with most of what you said. Men (some of them ministers) try to make submission something it was never intended to be. I have read all the Scriptures, many books, commentaries, etc. I have lived alot of years. So, I will share my thoughts and experiences with submission. I am not saying I am right. What I am saying is that this is what I think at this point in my life. This will take a while. I do believe in submission. I do believe that there should be one head per household and it should be the man. I believe that the man is meant to be the one to take care of the family with finances, protection, direction, etc. That is one of the things that I miss about being married...having a man to take care of me, protect me, guide me. I am very tired of doing this all myself. It isn't my job. I am not wired to do this. The Lord is my Husband for as long as I remain single and He is a wonderful Husband to me. I do want a man to be my husband again, too, though. I will admit that. I believe that the man should be the head of the household. I think that the husband and wife should make all important decisions together. I think they should talk about them, pray about them, wait upon the Lord for His direction and wisdom. But I believe the wife should tell her husband how she feels, what she thinks, what she thinks the Lord is saying...then she should leave the final decision up to the husband. He won't always get it right, but she can trust the Lord to make it all come out right in the end. A husband needs to know that he is respected by his wife and she isn't telling him what to do and when to do it. Now this is in a marriage where the husband is a good man and reasonable. When things are working as they should, you know? I was with my ex-husband for eighteen years. He was a good man. The Lord was able to teach me how to submit to Bruce because I was able to trust that he wanted what was best for me and the children. He always put our needs before his own. So, I found it easy to learn to submit to him. Even while we were separated for two years before divorcing, I still submitted to him. I felt that God wanted me to do that because he was still my husband, and also, because if the Lord did a miracle, and we got back together, then I wanted it to be a smooth transition. I didn't want to have to learn to submit to this man all over again. I didn't do things while we were separated that I knew he wouldn't want me to do. If I wasn't sure about something, I called him and asked him. Now, I must admit that most separations are not like this, and I am not saying that every separated woman should do this. My ex-husband and I treated each other with love and respect through the whole separation/divorce process, so this was easy for me to do. This is an example of how I think submission should work. I am not naive enough to think that all situations are this easy or uncomplicated. My husband before Bruce was a totally different man than Bruce was, so things went much differently. Dennis was very abusive...verbally, physically, sexually. He tried to kill me three times, he was with other women, he beat and raped me repeatedly. It was a horrible situation. It was impossible to completely submit to this man because I never knew what I was supposed to be doing. His demands were always changing. What would please him one day would make him furious the next. There was submission in a sense, but it was more like how a whipped dog submits to his abusive master. He is just trying to survive. That is what I did in this relationship...I just tried to survive. I finally read two books that liberated me from the need to be in this or any other abusive relationship...Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson and Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward. I learned to stand up for myself and not allow this man to abuse me. The Lord taught me to love him but not put up with his bad behavior. I separated from him, and he eventually divorced me because he chose not to change his behavior. Submission is next to impossible in a situation like that. It is like submitting to the devil himself. A wife should never submit herself to beatings, verbal abuse, illegal activity, going to bars, gambling, etc. There is a higher One that she is to submit to, and that is God Himself. She should never do something she knows is wrong in the name of submission! Never! If a woman is in an abusive relationship, I always counsel her to get out of it and not to go back until her husband becomes the kind of man that she is able to submit to. Most of these abusive men decide to go onto other women rather than change, but that is not the woman's responsibility. So, in a good marriage, I do believe in submission. In an abusive situation, I believe in getting out until the man is worthy of respect and submission. I could write a book about all of this, but these are my thoughts off the top of my head. Thank you for posting this, Michael. Blessings! BE KIND TO UN-KIND PEOPLE, THEY NEED IT THE MOST!!!!!!!!
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4/26/2008 2:54 pm |
Hi Michael, interesting post, but I have this to add: There's a scripture that a lot of people didn't know was in the bible, actually I only put it there today! You know what it is? It's Ephesian 5:21, just the previous verse to the one you quoted!! Ephesians5:21- "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God" Sorry for the emphasis, I have to do it that way, cause a lot of people just jump to the next verse without reading the previous one. Verse 22, is IMPOSSIBLE without verse 21. It's very DANGEROUS to read scriptures in isolations, it can kill, rather than make alive, it can wound rather than heal, is there any wonder why it's not working? We need the WHOLE counsel of God, if we want to teach the bible correctly, we need line upon line, precepts upon precepts before we can say thus saith the Lord! If husbands and wives submit to EACH OTHER in the FEAR OF THE LORD, there would be a total healing in our marriages. Think about verse 21 again for a minute .................. We are so much in a hurry to slap people with scriptures thinking that would lead to change without actually living it out ourselves. If you know how difficult our hearts are, that only "Monkey see, monkey do" principle is what God advocates. The best example of changing others is not quoting scriptures but LIVING IT, this is the difficult part, cause we want others to change but we don't. May God bless us as we not only talk the talk but walk the walk as well. Amen.
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4/26/2008 8:09 am |
"Some women get beat by men for not submitting. Do these men ” 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. “ I don’t know about you, but I have yet to see a man beat himself, cuss at himself, or abuse himself." I have a few friends who are in this position now and it is so sad. There is no joy in their voices when I talk to them. They are made to think they are the problem in the marriage and the cause of all the discord. And when it comes from the pulpit....!!!  Thanks for the thoughtful post.
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4/26/2008 7:24 am |
Hi Michael, Well I still have to come back to re-read this again but right off the bat, Im in agreement with most of it. But this part that you said (below in red) bothers me: "One day a friend was telling me that his wife never tells him she loves him and that she is very cold to him. I responded immediately that it was his fault. He looked like a bomb had gone off at his feet. I asked him if he told her that he loved her. He said she knows I do. When a man says he has a cold wife or girlfriend, it is because he is cold. Monkey see monkey do. A man is the one who proposes and the woman gets to say “Yes” No woman should also be asked to say I love you until the man does. Ephe 33. and the wife see that she reverence her husband. The husband is the spiritual leader and the wife the follower. In Song of Solomon 1:15 the bridegroom says, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold thou art fair..."and she responds Song 2:16 "My beloved is mine, and I am his..." I went through heck one time trying to change whatever it was about myself I thought might need changing... and Im tellin ya, it didnt make any difference. I finally came to the realization that Jesus was perfect in all His behaviour yet some turned away from Him, rejected Him. So what Im saying is that this idea that if your spouse isnt friendly, or loving, its your fault, I just dont agree with that. It COULD BE part of the reason, but not necessarily HAS TO BE the reason. It may have nothing whatever to do with you. Remember when Jesus said Mt:24:12: And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. Well you see, if some people had some sort of a terrible childhood, or othjers have continually treated them wrongly, they didnt have any love, or whatever, all these experiences may have left them cold. And many people who are this way put on a big act during courtship and act differently because they realize you wouldnt want to be with them if you truly knew how cold hearted they really were. There really ARE some people you just cannot reach. Even Jesus, the perfect One, had people reject Him, and He acted perfectly loving toward them. does this make any sense to you? Ti:2:14: Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity
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4/26/2008 7:23 am |
Michael, thank you so much for bringing a lot of light to the word "submit". I used to think it was just waiting for my man to make up his mind, but I realize as a Christian woman sometimes I am to be the salt and the strife. I know it is my job to know myself well, just as it is my responsibility to find someone who is whole in Christ, who finds his being in Him. Only then can God work in us both. Sometimes I still get things mixed up as to who is responsible for whom, but I've learned it is all inclusive as a circle with God as the center. I'm glad my special friend loves himself, loves God, for I am a great beneficiary of wholesome love when we both look to God for all the answers. Thank you for blessing me with your wisdom given through the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I don't make sense when I write because English is my second language, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to communicate here....we submit to God, to one another in love.  Peace,Beth In all thy ways ackowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:6
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4/26/2008 5:00 am |
 .Very Good Post Michael.I really enjoyed readin this.Thank you.Yours in CHRIST, Wendy  Show me the way Sweet JESUS. Lead and i Will follow.   
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