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The Love-Hate list
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Several months ago, at a couple’s retreat, we had the men and women separated. I had the men make 2 lists. First ones of things they wish they hadn’t done or do, and then a list of things why they love their spouse. It was an awakening to us all and made us think why we would ever do things on the smaller list when the 2nd was so much larger and powerful. Just wanted to share it with all. Being sarcastic to you Criticizing your family and friends Over committing to outside interests Talking down to you Using profanity or name-calling Letting things go around the house Criticizing the way you did things Giving looks of disgust Raising my voice in anger Showing more attention to other things than you Correcting you around others Lecturing Pressuring Ignoring you Breaking promises Holding resentment about something you did Being unsympathetic when you were tired, ill, upset, sad or frustrated Not telling you that I love you Not attending church as a family Pushing for sex when we weren’t in harmony Not being involved more with household chores and raising the kids Unwilling to admit when I was wrong Reading or watching pornography Not eating meals with you Complaining while doing something with you Never going walking when you wanted to Forgetting anniversaries and other special dates Minimizing your efforts Being impolite Continuing bad habits (smoking) Taking you for granted Blaming you for most things Being impatient Monopolizing the TV Being preoccupied with my agenda Getting to involved with self-interests to the exclusion of you and the kids Making jokes about you Not consulting you on finances Not fully appreciating all the many things you did as a mother, teacher and wife Being unwilling to join you in things you enjoyed Being unclean Showing indifference instead or initiative and making plans Not reading the Bible together I am sure this list is just the tip of the iceberg, but helped me understand many of the reasons how men can harden their loves heart. In the book 3:16 by Max Lacado, he, “’Moses permitted you to divorce your wives cause your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning’ Matt. 19:8, When one or both people in a marriage stop trusting God to save it, they sign its death certificate. They reject the very one that can help them.” I believe rejecting God is one of the biggest causes of breakups and divorces.. List of 100 Reasons Why I Love You (Compiled from all 28 men at the conference) 1. Your compassion for everyone around you 2.Your selflessness 3. Your integrity 4. Your strength 5. Your devotion 6. How you are always 100% honest no matter what 7. Your kindness 8. The way you always try to help others 9. Your generosity 10. Your gentleness 11. How you are always understanding with me even when I don’t deserve it 12. How much we share in common on the way we think about so many things. 13. How you make me smile even at times when I don’t want to 14. How you are always kind to animals 15. The fact that you aren’t afraid to cry 16. How you always help me when I need or ask you to and sometimes even when I don’t ask 17. How you are always concerned about my well-being 18. Your loyalty to everyone or everything that matters to you 19. The way you liven up a room just by being in it 20. How much you’ve taught me about life and myself 21. Your intelligence 22. Your zest for life 23. Your excellent people skills 24. Your amazing voice 25. Your awesome hair 26. Your incredible eyes 27. Your love of life 28. Your uncompromising belief in God, family, and country 29. The fact that you would make the best mother anyone could ever ask for or hope to have 30. The way you walk 31. The way you talk 32. The way you hold my hand 33. The way you hug me 34. The way you kiss me 35. The way you touch my foot with your’s in bed 36. The way we cuddle 37. The way that you always look for and find the positive in everything 38. The fact that there is nobody else in the world like you and nobody will ever come close 39. How you are always good at everything you put your mind to 40. The annoying fact that you are right 90+% of the time 41. All the amazing new experiences that I’ve shared for the first time with you and only you 42. The way you make me feel about myself 43.How you tell me and show me everyday how much you love me 44. How you don’t mind holding my hand or showing me affection even in public 45. How you sometimes give up things you’ve wanted just for other's benefit 46. The way you kiss me and touch me 47. The fact that you were willing to take a chance on me 48. The way you use to encourage and believe in me 49. Your faithfulness 50. The fact that you know how to be a real woman 51. The sweet gifts you’ve given to me 52. The way you open up your heart and life to me 53. The fact that I learn new amazing things about you everyday 54. The way you look at me and on rare occasion even now that makes me melt inside 55. The love you always show me 56. The way you always say awesome things about me to other people 57. How much excitement you bring into my life when I think about you 58. How you always bring out the best in me 59. How you don't take many of lifes little things for granted 60. The way you always still inspire me 61. The fact that you are the first and only person I’ve ever loved and the first person who ever truly loved me 62. The fact that you dream like me at times. 63. How forgiving you are 64. Your incredible big heart 65. How you know what to say and how to say it in any situation 66. The fact that I know you will be one of the most successful women in the world someday because no one deserves it more than you 67. How we always say or do the exact same thing at the same time 68. Your extreme patience with me even when I push it to the limit sometimes 69. Your charm and charisma 70. Your wisdom 71. How you always listen to me when I need an ear to listen 72. How awesome you have been to my parents and even my pets and how they all love you so much too 73. How cute and adorable you can be 74. Your determination and conviction and how once you set your mind on something nobody can change it 75. The dreams and visions you have for our future 76. How much you know about me now and that you’ve seen both my good sides and bad and that you still care for me and at times love me anyway 77. Your walk with God 78. Your praying for me 79. Your example to our children in their learning of Christ. 80. Your example to me in studying Gods words and doing the right things 81. The way you are my best friend even when I didn't deserve it 82. The way I can always trust you 83. The way I can make you laugh 84. The way you ooo and ahh at the beautiful things God made 85. The way you are my first thought so many mornings 86. The way you are my last thought so many evenings 87. The way I can come to you for advice when I have a problem 88. The way when I am having a tough time, thinking of you encourages me to do my best 89. The way you love to dance with me 90. The way your face brightens up when you see me 91. The excitement you show when I say Iove you 92. The way you use to squeeze my hand 3 times 93. Your great cooking and how you always thought it wasn't that good 94. The way you love go exploring new places with me on trips 95. The way you were never shy about anything with me 96. The way you put up with me when I am hard to put up with 97. The way you give the best back scratches 98. The way you moaned whenever I use to snuggle up to you in bed and just cuddle 99. The way you loved my massages 100.Every little single detail about you that makes you who you are and the fact that you are the best woman in the whole world Bonus Reason 101. The fact that this list was so easy to write, but also so hard because I had to limit it to just 100 reasons when I can think of at least a million plus reasons why I love you and why I am the luckiest man in the world to have had you in most of my life and touching my world. Just wanted to share this because I feel all women would want a man that could write this and I know me and most men would love God to send a woman that we felt this way about. Blessings, Michael Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 4 : Go to Church Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 3 : Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies: Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies: Prologue and Chapter 1 : Praying In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End) Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14) , Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 ) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 ) Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7) , Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4) , Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3) Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2) , Walk the Walk Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife , I am a Christian…So What Now? Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs. Spouse Christ in the cells of our body. , The Love-Hate list |
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5/19/2008 3:31 am |
Hi Michael This is a really good post. And very glad you are taking it to heart and going to live it. God Bless You! Love You Muches Ethel
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5/14/2008 6:52 pm |
Thank you Michael for adding me to your fabulous blogs listing today! Read a lot of your writing tonight. This one really got me though - tears streaming down my face - this pretty much sums it up. Looks like I missed out on a lot hugh... There has to be a God because I've just not gotten the good list much and I haven't been placed in a padded cell despite my deep familiarity with the first! That song keeps running through my head now that I've sat down to write you here "Fathers be good to your daughters - girls become lovers and turn into mothers and mothers be good to your daughters too!" It would sure be nice to find someone who really appreciated us as much as God does - through it all! Thanks again, Jen
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4/26/2008 8:23 pm |
That's actually beautiful... it provides alot of insight. In my curious mind I would be curious to know how many men wrote "profanity and name-calling". As a Christian my expectation of my husband was to never have that enter the marriage. Every time it did I was just heart broken... and still today it crushes my spirit to remember it. Thanks for sharing.
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4/26/2008 1:30 am |
Wow. very interesting writing, Deepest. Wish I would have read something like that when I was married. Thank you for posting. God bless you. Whisper 85
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4/24/2008 1:14 pm |
Wow! That was really great! This really opened my eyes to some of the things I have been doing (in the sarcastic list) that could use some adjustment! My husband wrote a 101 Reasons I Love You list for me on our 2nd anniversary. Now I want to go back and read it to see if it is all the same now that we are on year 9. Thanks you for reminding me...hehe. 
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4/22/2008 1:16 am |
Great list! Really hits the heart! ~big sigh~ Ah well! Somehow, I feel like watching Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn in "The African Queen". Wonder what that's all about??? Oh brain of mine! It was my ex-mother-in-law's favorite movie. Nostalgia, that's it. Gotta go, my cat wants to cuddle... Loved your lists, both of them... showed such sensitivity... InHisLoveYSICsharloa
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4/21/2008 12:02 pm |
Thank you for sharing this wonderful list the men made. It makes me so much more aware of how I was loved with many things unsaid. When my husband was dying he held me in his arms and said, "I wish I would have done this more...holding you and acknowledging how precious and treasured you are by me." It melted my heart and healed all the little things of bitterness which had accumulated. You see....do it while you still can...and do it with ALL your heart to each other, for each other...for God blesses this. Peace,Beth In all thy ways ackowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:6
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 4/20/2008 9:45 pm |
WOW!!! I'm so SPEECHLESS!!! A heartfelt thanks for posting this list... WELCOME TO BLOGLAND! glo Teach me your way, O LORD,and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. (Psalm 86:11,12)
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4/20/2008 6:41 pm |
All I can say is "WOW"! And "Where is he??"  Keep on blogging brother!!Susan aka Red God gives the very best to those who leave the choices to Him. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...to Him be the glory. Eph 3:20 Find me at my screen name, blogspot and the usual ending. See ya there!
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4/20/2008 6:33 pm |
I think this list covers it all. Now if everyone could learn to practice these things it would be the miracle. Great post! Sheri BLOG COLOR FOR BEGINNERS
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4/20/2008 6:32 pm |
In black and white...what a women wouldn't do for a man who would say it out loud to her ever so often...is it harder for men to be expressive verbally... send me a list as an alternative anytime then...when there is affirmation from both sides...a marriage can flourish not forgetting God in the triangle of it all...thanks...Man can make many plans...BUT it is the Lord who will direct his paths....
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4/20/2008 3:55 pm |
My goodness, talk about a comprehensive list. I like it, thanks for sharing.
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4/20/2008 3:51 pm |
Hi Michael, Thank you. This is so special. Something for us all to think about Bless you, Helen
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4/20/2008 3:50 pm |
I did a post for you. Check out the link below that says...Check out this blog! Blessings! BE KIND TO UN-KIND PEOPLE, THEY NEED IT THE MOST!!!!!!!!
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4/20/2008 2:50 pm |
Wow! What an eye opener! Maybe we should do this once a month or so after we get married. It would sure help us keep things in perspective, wouldn't it? Thanks for this! BE KIND TO UN-KIND PEOPLE, THEY NEED IT THE MOST!!!!!!!!
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4/20/2008 2:49 pm |
Hi Michael,  Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you! God bless you,  NOTHING that happens, happens for NOTHING I Am Truly Blessed By Each Of You Here At BC, Yes, Even You!!! What's In YOUR Past? Hey BigChurch! We're Back From Our Honeymoon! Does God REALLY Promise Not To Allow More Than We Can Bear? New Members at BigChurch, WATCH OUT!!!
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